Lorton Hall
“Sir, Sir, we have received a letter from the Parish Committee and by post Sir.”
“Yes, yes Denton, Shirley told me yesterday or was it Monday. She knows all the village gossip. She even told me the contents.”
“Would you like me to read it out Sir Richard?”
“Yes, you might as well but just précis it. I don’t need to hear the long preamble.”
“Well, it says you are invited to a Parish meeting at the Village Hall, not here as usual on Friday. This is very unusual. Shall I reply?”
“No, let them stew a little. No doubt Shirley will inform them of my intention to inspect my village hall as I usually do at this time of year to check on its fabric. Whilst I’m there I can sit in if they would like that.”
“What’s this all about Sir? Most irregular it is.”
“It’s the usual crew Denton, nothing to worry about. Shirley has the pulse of these people and she keeps me up to date on their goings on and their worries. They are worried about change with young Edgar taking over the reins and another group want to alter the balance of the village. It’s a kind of village power play. Nothing major and nothing we can’t handle.”
“But Sir, who is going to provide the refreshments? We always put on a fine spread for them here.”
“Shirley has been asked to put on the tea, sausage rolls and crisps.”
“But you hate sausage rolls and crisps Sir.”
“Yes Dentonbut I have told Shirley that if she provides me with a nice piece of her homemade Madeira cake then I’ll fund the lot.”
“But Sir, isn’t that infringing on their independence ploy?”
“Yes Dentonbut I want to test their resolve. Now let’s get onto more important matters. I want to go over the arrangements for my inauguration to my Lordshipness if that’s the right expression. Can’t have my son at the same level as me in the social pecking order, it just wont do. Start practicing calling me Lord Lorton but there’s no need to bow or curtsy just yet. Oh Denton, can’t you take a joke man.”
“Does this mean we will be spending more time in London Sir?”
“Yes and no doubt it will please you. You’ll be able to visit your grandchildren more often and I can collect my per diem for attending a nice lunch at the Palace of Westminster.”
“Won’t you be taking part in the debates Sir?”
“I doubt it. I’ll probably go there to sit in the warmth, comfortable chair and take a nap.”
“I can’t quite see you doing that, particularly when we see you in a rage over the current political matters Sir.”
“Denton, I’ll let you into a little secret. That display is just for show. I would change the whole system, in fact shoot the whole lot of the archaic bunch, me included. No, we need to get out of the way and let young Edgar run the show here. Give him some slack. I know he’s got plenty of ideas to shake the place up.”
“But Sir, he’s got a fine position at the Bar. Why would he want to give that up and live his life in this wet and damp place?”
“Family matters Denton, family matters and loyalty to the villagers and district. Without our patronage this village would become dead, full of second holiday homes and the young would disappear like Dick Whittington, down south. Edgar has got a good head on his shoulders and I trust him to look after all of our future. Now let’s get down to business.”
“Can I welcome Sir Richard or should I say Lord Lorton to our meeting here in the Parish Hall this morning. We do have an agenda roughed out and David will take notes.”
“Thank you Chairman Walters and the ‘Lordship’ is somewhat premature yet. I just wonder why you chose to have it here and not in the comfort of the Hall as is usual? Is this to demonstrate that the roof needs seeing to and the double-glazing needs replacing in this draughty place? I’ve noted this down for future works during my inspection this morning.”
“Well Sir Richard, some of us were talking in the pub and we would like some changes around here and some answers, particularly since your son, Sir Edgar is going to be taking over from you. That’s what we heard. So, we thought we might get better information and decisions on neutral ground Sir.”
“I have no problem with that Chairman Walters but these chairs are a bit hard for me. Will someone get me a cushion? Oh thank you Debby, most kind. I suggest we get onto the changes you desire and then I will explain the transition when I depart and my son Edgar will take over at the Hall. You all know him well. A good spin bowler that’s helped you win all those trophies in that cabinet. Over to you Walters.”
“Well Sir Richard, talking about cricket, the sports committee wants to build a permanent pavilion on the cricket ground instead of the marquee that we have to put up each summer. All the villages around here have their own pavilions and they sell beer to raise some money for equipment.”
“I see, you want to construct an ugly building on my land and deprive the Dove of the income. Without that extra income I don’t think the village pub would become viable and would have to close down. Where would your B&B guest go for a meal at lunch time and evenings? You would all be jeopardising your extra monies don’t forget. You keep telling me that we need to extend the dining room at the Dove to take all your guests in the evenings so that they don’t have to drink and drive.”
“We hear that you are taking on a chef at the Dove. What’s going to happen to Debby? Is she going to be fired?”
“I’m impressed with your intelligence gathering Don. Yes, the plan is to extend the Dove out into the old machine storage building and create a posh restaurant for your guests and it will attract more visitors to the area. Debby will just carry on providing the bar food as before and what a good job she does. Your guests will not be disappointed in the future and will have more choice.”
“We hear that Edgar, sorry Sir Edgar is going to convert the Hall into a hotel and that will take business away from all of us.”
“My son is contemplating opening up the Hall as a conference centre with some accommodation. Conferences and weddings will bring in more business for all of you when extra rooms are needed to put up guests. The new chef will provide the food at the house as required and hopefully you ladies and your sons and daughters will welcome some extra income in waiting at the tables and helping occasionally in the kitchens. It will be good for all of us and will make your young ones think twice about leaving the village.”
“But there’s no housing for them. All the old buildings are being converted into holiday homes!”
“No need to be testy Trevor. It’s quicker to convert these buildings into holiday homes and get instant income than go through the planning permission to build new in the National Park. You know we have applications in with the planners for new affordable homes. I bought buildings that were abandoned and falling into rack and ruin and made them habitable.”
“But our young folk can’t afford them!”
“No Trevor, they couldn’t even afford the run-down places either. I bought them to keep some control of the look of the village rather than letting strangers take over.”
“Yes, but when will these affordable houses be built? My Daisy has delayed her wedding plans because they have no home to go to and they are likely to move away because of it.”
“Yes Mrs. Wainscroft, you are right. We don’t want the village to be denuded of the young and the school to close down. Your Daisy came to see me or rather Mr. Denton and he has offered her the vicarage for a nominal rent until we get her a reasonably priced house.”
“Yeah but they will build some real crap, cheap houses that nobody would like to own.”
“You are wrong there Donald. Would I allow nasty houses to be built in this village and on my land? NO! You are welcome up to the house and see the plans. Dentonwill show you. They will be in keeping with the rest of the village and one of the delays is in getting sufficient subsidy to build them from the County. Initially they will be for rent and eventually for purchase.”
“Why is the vicarage going to be converted for rental? Isn’t the new vicar going to live there?”
“Good question Mathew. The village belongs to the Parish of Cockermouth and I have spoken to the Diocese and they cannot afford or ever intended to replace the vicar here.”
“But the vicarage is part and parcel of the church. It belongs to it and the Parish. You can’t just convert it to a let.”
“Sorry Mathew but the church and vicarage belong to the estate. It was built as our private church. I have been subsidising or in fact paying for the church, vicarage and the vicar there out of the estate funds and will continue to look after the church. Old Neville used to get all his meals free at the Dove. Ask Debby and Shirley my maid did his housework. When it’s been brought up to modern standard Daisy and her husband will be my first tenants there.”
“We hear that the Walkers are being turfed out of their farm on the tops there. The family has farmed the place for centuries. We can’t have this!”
“Thanks Paul, the Walkers are here and they know the score. Hill farming is in difficulty at the moment and Dan is too old to carry on.”
“What about his son then?”
“His son is not particularly interested and not very adept. The farm has been run down over the years and you all know the moor has taken over the top fields so killing off the grazing. Dan is retiring and going to live with his sister in Kent. That so Dan? Yes, he’s nodding his head and his son will become a hired farm labourer locally.”
“What’s to become of the farm and buildings then?”
“Patience Mathew! The land will become incorporated with the Swithland farm and Amon will bring the whole thing back ship shape, won’t you Amon? I’m still considering what to do with the farm buildings. The initial plan is to either knock them down or convert into holiday homes. No sensible villager would want to live out there in the Winter. Dan’s family had antifreeze in their veins.”
“You’ve taken the field by the lake from Downlands Farm. Why is that? It will reduce Rick’s land holding and he need the grazing land for his cattle.”
“Ah yes, I wondered when someone would raise this topic on behalf of Rick. As you know the land is particularly steep and Rick has lost a number of cattle there with broken limbs. I intend to plant that with trees and create a path from the village to the lakeside to provide the tourist coming here with nice, easy access to the lake. They are always complaining to you that they can’t get to the lake other than getting their shoe mucky with cow plats walking through the fields and leaving the gate open. This will solve the problem and become an attraction.”
“With all these extra people coming, where will they park their cars?”
“Rick will provide the parking in his yard. He’s already flattening and graveling an area aren’t you Rick?”
“I suppose Rhona will open a tea shop?”
“That’s enterprise that we need around here? Any more questions?”
“The roads won’t stand it with all the traffic.”
“True. I can’t do anything about the rise in car ownership around here. It’s essential for each family here to have two cars to carry on their lives in comfort. We are isolated here. But I’ve insisted that the County make the road improvement through here a priority. I have allocated some of my land to road widening, more passing places and visitors car parks. The car problem will not go away. Don’t forget, if it wasn’t for all the visitors we have staying here at your B&B’s then the bus company will either stop the public bus through here or cut down the frequency. You folks rarely use it. It’s tourists and walkers in the main.”
“But our older kids have to go to school in Keswick or Cockermouth. They can’t stop that.”
“No but they can cut it down to two a day. No more after school activities for your school children so we have to attract as many visitors as we can. The estate is doing its bit and I know most of you with B&B’s are doing your best to improve standards. How many awards have we won this year in the village?”
“Five.”
“That’s right Martha, five. Let it be six or seven next year. Your place is fully booked for next year, isn’t it?”
“Yes, Sir Richard thanks mainly to your wife who came in and criticised the hell out of it when I started. I was mad with her, then I though a little and did what she suggested. Now I have to take on help in the summer.”
“Now don’t you all go off getting Elsie involved in your affairs! You know what she’s like. Tear a strip off you but do invite the tourist board in to give you their opinion. Gets them involved and makes them feel important. They will then do their utmost to suggest Lorton village as their recommended place to stay.”
“What happens when you go off to Londonand wear those grand gowns?”
“My time has come to hand over to my son Edgar. He will be a tougher landlord than I have been but just as fair I hope. He’s had a hand in most of the plans that I have put forward today. I think his first step is to put Lorton firmly on the tourist map of Britain with setting up a website, Facebook, blog, twitter and such things. He will be coming to you to be included on the Hall site so that we can present a united front. I shall be presenting him formally as estate director at our next meeting next month at the house.”
“Three cheers for Lord Lorton, Hip, hip!”
“Hooray.”
“Hip, hip.”
“Hooray.”
“Hip, hip.”
“Hooray!”
“Thank you, my good folks, for your kindness. I shall be at the Dove for lunch today so I hope some of you will join me for a tipple.”
“How did it go Sir Richard? I didn’t turn up because I didn’t want us to appear mob handed and intimidating.”
“Quite right too Denton. The usual rabble rousers wanting to build a permanent cricket pavilion on my cricket ground so that the can sneak a tipple now and again. I put a stop to that. I hope Edgar runs a tight ship. I’ve been too lenient and accommodating to them all. I’ve known them all my life. They still don’t realise that what is good for the estate is good for them. We need to chase up the Council Planners on the new housing. Edgar will need accommodation for his workers. They are going to get a shock when the village is full of immigrants that the Government is so keen to halt. Pauline will have to stock pickled cabbage and chorizo. I didn’t tell them that but we will be short of staff if Edgar’s plans come to fruition.”
“I’ll chase up the plans Sir and also with the architects for the new house for Edgar. He wants something modern and Eco friendly but I’ve managed to sway him into building something that will look as if the Normans built it centuries ago but the inside will be ultra modern with all mod cons.”
“Good man Denton. I hope you’re not thinking of retirement yet. We couldn’t do without you. Edgar says I should apply golden handcuffs to you to make you stay.”
“Since we will be in London My Lord, I think I will stay on a bit longer. Anyway, you will still need my help with the Times crossword.”
“My Lord is it now Denton? You’re trying to butter me up. I know, you want to be invited to lunch at the Dove for some of Betty’s steak and ale pie.”
“Yes, My Lord. It’s the best in the County.”
