The Double Life of James Tyler; Car Thief and Entrepreneur

A Transatlantic flight had arrived at Terminal 3 and the weary passengers were spilling out into the arrival’s hall, struggling with their luggage trolleys and looking sleepy. The first ones off the flight were the businesspeople with just their carry-ons, marching briskly in their chosen direction, looking neither left nor right. James Tyler joined them, intermingling and also having a similar definite purpose and direction. Most headed in the direction of ‘Trains’ others headed towards the cab ranks. James joined the third group, heading towards the close by, multi-story, short term car park. These were the elite, important executives who could afford to leave their limos for five days or so and slam the exorbitant charges to their expenses, without a hint of concern. Today James was wearing a dark grey coat over his expensive pin stripe suit, black shiny brogues, pulling a black leather case with a bulging top pocket holding his laptop. Instead of following most of the guys to the bank of lifts, he detoured to the ticket machine and pretended to search in his wallet for a ticket until the two, well clad businessmen before him, took their tickets and scurried away, without giving him a second glance.

With a validated ticket in hand, he approached the stairs and ascended to the fifth floor. By the time he reached his designated floor he heard the screech of tyres on concrete as his fellow Senior Executives were on their way out.  He glanced up at the bay numbers unnecessarily since he knew the exact location of his car. The car was a brand-new Mercedes ‘S’ Class in metallic, still shiny black and by touching the bonnet he confirmed the engine was still warm. He carefully put down his case on a clean patch of concrete and took out a yellow duster, proceeding to clean the back lights and number plate and did the same for the front, except this time, a keen observer would see him roll out a new sticky-back number plate over the existing one. He put the cloth away and took out a ‘Blackberry’ sized device and punched in a number. The direction lights flashed, the door locks opened, all alarms disabled.

 He quickly slipped into the driver’s seat, placing his case carefully on the passenger’s seat beside him. Wriggling out of his coat, he tossed it casually into the back, took off his wrap-around tinted specs which he carefully placed in a hard case and slipped into a side pocket of his carry-on. After a quick look around, not that he would be easily spotted behind the deeply tinted windows, he opened his laptop pouch and waited a moment for the screen to light up. A quick look in the glove compartment and the arm rest box revealed nothing of interest, he bent over the laptop and keyed in some instruction. The expected responding beep which announced that the security tracking devise had been disabled, he acknowledged with a slight nod of the head and took out a black cigarette sized plastic box from a side pocket. Pressing a silver button on the box revealed a key like device which he slipped into the steering wheel column lock with extreme care. On turning the key, the dashboard lit up to a smile of satisfaction and he pressed the separate ignition button bringing the engine, just audibly into life. He quickly adjusted the electric seat and wing mirrors, glanced around and slipped the gear lever into ‘Drive’ as he leant forward over his case and pulled out a black chauffeur’s cap and some darkened wrap-around glasses.

With a quick look around, he expertly drove the car out of its space and down the ramps with minimum of tyre screech. The electric window slid down effortlessly as he quickly inserted his ticket in the slot and quickly raised the window in full expectation that the barrier in front of him would rise, which it did having recognised the new number plate of the false ticket. Instead of heading for the M4 he joined the inner perimeter road, following it in the direction of Terminal 4, joining the A30 towards the M25 ring road. Instead of joining the motorway he headed over and through Poyle towards Datchet and Windsor. There was no hesitation in his direction finding and the car glided along the narrow roads smoothly as if he drove the route daily. At some point he crossed the M4 and headed for the Mainline Railway Station at Slough. Passing the station, he looked carefully along the pavement until he saw a wooden sign standing on the pavement advertising cheap MOT’s which signalled the ‘all clear’ and he duly turned into the side road, marked as a ‘No Through Road.’ 

He drove up a slight ramp, set at an angle so that the car was off the road, facing high metal gates advertising Reg Williams, International Hauliers. James mused the ‘Of Stolen Cars’ was missing off the sign. A press of a black plastic fob and the gates slid easily open and he quickly drove through into a large warehouse. He parked in the middle of the empty building, switched off the ignition and again removed the key carefully. James removed his belongings piling everything on the concrete floor and carefully wiped all the interior and exterior surfaces of the car that he had possibly touched. Satisfied, he put on his coat. Packed the bits and pieces into his case and strolled over to the porta-cabin office in the corner.

“All fine?” asked a man in overalls, seated in front of a computer screen, not looking around.

“Fine and dandy. The key combination works and the security tracker is disabled. It’s somewhere in the transmission tunnel at the back. It’s a JoLock, the new version. You’ll find it, I’m sure,” replied James standing impatiently as the man wheeled his chair to a steel cabinet, unlocked it and took out a bulging white envelope.

“We’ll find it,” said the man handing James the packet. “The usual for a Merc. We have a Beamer at LGW and another Merc. at Terminal 5 if you’re up for it?” James nodded in response. “Here are all the details printed out for you as usual. Plus the number plate rolls that you need. The key lock is tricky on the Beamer but you’ll manage it. See you tomorrow,” said the man returning to his screen whilst James leant over the steel cabinet and filled in details on a Bank deposit envelope. He slit opened the white envelope, transferred a thick bundle of bank notes into the other envelope, screwed up the white envelope and tossed it into a steel bin under the desk by the seated man.

“How many times do I tell you to stick it through the shredder?”

“Sorry Boss,” replied James, stuffing the envelope into his coat pocket and ignoring the request. He lifted his case by the side handle and marched out without another word to the seated man. He walked up to a door, looked directly at the security camera above and a green bulb lit up above the door. James pushed the steel door open and walked through to find himself in another side street, different to the one on which he arrived. He pushed the door and it closed with a satisfying clunk. A quick look around and he marched quickly to the main road and turned towards the station. He walked into the station at a back entrance and made his way to the front main doors leading to a taxi rank. A black cab slid up to the pavement as he approached and he quickly got in.

“Holiday Inn please and on the way, I want to call in at the Lloyds Bank on the main street.”

“OK boss,” replied the cabbie as he pulled away noticing his passenger pulling out his laptop and ending any further chat. At the Bank, the cab pulled in on the double yellow lines as James opened the door. “Shall I drive around the block Guv?”

“No need, I just need the night safe, driver,” as James jumped out slamming the cab door shut and running over to the night safe. The transaction hardly took twenty seconds as he dropped the envelope into the container and slammed shut the door. He was back in the cab and the driver pulling away without impeding or obstructing any traffic behind. 

The same operation was repeated twice the following day with two luxury cars being delivered to the warehouse and an overnight at the Holiday Inn. The following morning, Friday, James took a cab to the airport, the Heathrow Express to central London and a train to Luton, his hometown. A cab took him to the Tower pub and he walked briskly from there for a hundred metres before nipping into a Pizza Take Away Parlour, nodding a greeting to a Chinese fellow sitting behind the counter, watching a Chinese programme on TV, since the place was deserted. James pushed open a side door and climbed a set of nicely carpeted stairs up to his apartment. He used two keys to open the security door, looked up to check that the security camera was flashing and stepped into a lobby. Hanging his coat in a closet and he placed his black leather case in a low cabinet amongst other similar cases but of differing colours and locked the cabinet securely. Stepping into the lounge, he looked around the luxuriously furnished room. The only thing that seemed missing was a television screen but that was in fact hidden in a wall cabinet and rose up at a push of a button, satisfied that all was in order he crossed over to the bedroom and slid open a wardrobe door. He slid aside a panel at the back and removed a hanger of clothing, the type used in public baths that had a container for shoes and oddments hanging below. Emptying the container onto the floor, he placed the clothes onto the bed before replacing the hanger in its secret compartment. 

Undressing down to his boxer shorts, he pulled on a green T-shirt, a pair of well-worn jeans and a slipped on a denim jacket. He checked the zipped pocket for cash, satisfied he sat in a low chair and slipped on some gaudy Popeye socks. A black trainer followed on his left foot and then he picked up the right shoe and hefted it in his hand before carefully sliding his foot in and precisely doing up the laces. He stood up and tried the right foot on the floor. Satisfied he sat down again and double knotted the laces. The right black leather trainer was at least two sizes larger than its opposite number and built up by at least two centimetres. James stood up and walked up and down the room, checking his now limping gait in the full-length mirror until he was satisfied. He ruffled his hair, donned a blue Yankee baseball cap and stepped through a door into a small room at the back of the bedroom, that could only be called a box room. A facing door was blocked by a large carton. James checked the position of the carton carefully and then pushed it aside again positioning it precisely. He opened the heavy door with a key and was faced by a sheet of brown discoloured hardboard.

Listening carefully for a moment, he pushed the board sideways. It was a cheap wardrobe on wheels that skidded easily on the brown lino floor. He slammed the door shut, slid the wardrobe back into place and looked around the obvious bedroom that he had entered. The iron bed in one corner looked most uncomfortable and unmade, showing grubby sheets, flat pillow and an old sleeping bag, opened up as a duvet. A wooden box besides the bed housed an old transistor radio and the top served a resting place for a couple of used styrene cups. A cardboard box by the wall served as another receptacle for further crushed plastic cups and the bed end was adorned by one sock and a grubby pair of boxers. The only attempt at luxury was a string attached to the bed head and leading to the open light bulb holder. This allowed the occupant to switch the light off and on whilst in bed. The scene wasn’t quite as contrived as the Tracy Emin installation of “The Bed” but probably more realistic. 

Taking the scene in his stride, he limped down the bare wooden staircase to a room below. This was the supposed living room, cum kitchen, diner with a small toilet alcove at one end. The window, above a piled-up sink was barred on the outside, filthy and on the inside was partly screened by a blanket held up by nails acting as hooks. There was a dirty Formica table with two steel rusting chairs. This was covered with take away pizza boxes and Chinese foil containers, as was the sink and cooker. A scruffy three-seater settee was pushed up against the wall with stuffing coming out of the cushions. The floor was covered with old lino, the colour of which was long past description. The only item that might have been described as a touch of comfort was a huge ghetto blaster next to the settee that actually was modern enough to support a CD player. Again, a number of upturned cardboard boxes acted as occasional side tables and again they were littered with plastic cups and paper plates that spilled onto the floor. James didn’t give the scene a glance and limped over to the door and wrenched it open. This led to a yard full of junk, smelly refuse bins and decaying wet cardboard.

Turning through a high gate, revealed a tunnel leading to the main street via another wooden door. This one was locked and he had to open it with a key and limped down the street to a seedy pub, The Red Lion. He was early and the usual suspects, his so-called friends, not in yet. Nodding to the barman, he ordered a bottle and a lasagne to ‘eat in,’ telling the barman to tell the chef that it was for Aiden. He sat in the corner perusing yesterdays Sun as he took an occasion swig of his bottle.  The dish came with a side salad and a chunk of garlic bread. Looking at it with hunger, he cut the lasagne up into chunks so that it cooled down quickly. He knew the origin and pedigree of this dish and had no qualms at wolfing it down. It was made in the kitchens of the Chinese restaurant a few doors down and especially for him.

“Hi Spaz, are you going to order a pizza?” shouted a youth rushing through the pub door and towards the back where the pool table was sited. 

“No, I’ve eaten already,” replied Aiden taking another swig of his bottle.

“Go on Aiden, be a sport. Get some drinks in at least. Go on Aiden.”

“No fuck off! Get yer own! You only call me Aiden when you want something off me Jazzer. So, the answer is an ‘N’ and an ‘O’. You get it?”

“The others are coming Aiden. Get them in, please!” 

“I might if you let me on the table, otherwise Jazzer, you can die of thirst and starve. Use your own money,” replied Aiden, rather mockingly.

“If you weren’t a spaz, I’d punch yer face in. Come on don’t be mean,” replied Jazzer, turning from a threatening tone to a pleading one. The door barged open and three other youths burst through and rushed to the pool table.

“Hey Jazzer, you haven’t set them up!” shouted the tallest, “What’s up with you?”

“I haven’t got the money, have I Jono?” pleaded Jazzer.

“So, what the fuck are you doing at the table you moron. If you can’t put yer fifty piece on the table then yer can piss off.”

“Aiden was going to put up but he’s pissed off about something,” replied Jazzer pointing as they all turned to look. Aiden lifted his half bottle in salute and acknowledgement.

“Hi Aiden, are you playing?” asked Jono, the leader of the pack.

“I might join you later. When you’ve warmed up the table for me,” shouted back Aiden.

“Well, are you going to set some beers up for us then,” asked Billy, the group comic with his baseball cap back to front.

“I will when I lose so put me down on the list Jono.”

“Well put yer fifty up now Spaz,” shouted Jazzer, feeling a bit more confident with the gang around him.

“Use your own fifty Jazzer. I heard the money jangling in your pocket as you ran in.”

“No, you didn’t Spaz and you wouldn’t get a pizza in”

“Shut up Jazzer,” shouted Jono. “You either put the fifty up or you can just fuck off. And if you call Aiden that again I’ll give you a good slapping. Come on Jazzer, even I can hear the money jangling in your pocket. Billy, hold him down while I raid him.”

“It’s OK Jono, I just wanted to see if that skinny flint Aiden would cough up, that’s all?”

“Just leave Aiden alone Jazzer, he normally comes around and does good,” added Billy, sticking a thumb in the air for Aiden to see as Jazzer reluctantly pulled out some money and stuck it in the slot to release the balls.

Jazzer played well and had the gall to beat Jono and then went onto beat Billy and Danny quite comfortably.

“OK Aiden, it’s your turn for a thrashing and if I beat you then you can get the round in. Come on and givez yer fifty for the balls.”

“Does that mean that if I beat you Jazzer then you buy us all a round. Is that the deal?” said Aiden tauntingly, handing over the fifty and picking up a cue from the rack and checking its straightness with his eye.

“Bugger you Aiden, I’ll beat the crap out of you and make you snivel.”

“Put up or fuck off Jazzer,” said Jono angrily. “I’m bloody thirsty so you’d better get them in if you lose Jazzer. I just had a belly full of your voice.” Jazzer didn’t reply. Aiden beat Jazzer comfortably and taunted him by positioning his own colours over the pockets forcing Jazzer to continually foul.

“Get them in Jazzer and don’t delay, I’m fucking thirsty,” ordered Jono. Aiden then beat Billy and Danny and was faced with Jono, the leader. The game had its moments but Aiden conveniently lost his touch and was well beaten to the cheering of the mob. By this time Jazzer was back with the bottles but had to delay passing one to Aiden until Jono handed his to Aiden and Jazzer was forced to climb down.

“Anyone hungry?” asked Aiden fully knowing the answer and as the chorus of shouts went up, he added, “I’ll order a large pizza for us.”

“Get some chips for me!” shouted Jazzer.

“Order them yourself Jazzer,” added Danny cuffing him playfully around the head. The pizza came and they settled around a bay, away from the pool table and Jono was magnanimous in ordering another round of bottles. Aiden sat back and only took one piece for himself as the rest was devoured greedily and with distinct pleasure. Aiden looked around the gang. They were all about his age, some were from his same year at school. Dropouts most of them. Never held down a job for longer than then a few weeks and depended on the dole and odd handouts here and there. They were all in uniform which was black jeans, T-shirt, denim jacket and a Yankee baseball cap. Occasionally they got into trouble with the police for fencing stolen goods and small time dealing in dope but since they weren’t particularly adept at anything, they resorted more to bragging than real action.

“Who’s going to the match tomorrow?” asked Jono, their official leader.

“What, and see Town lose again!” smirked Billy the gang clown.

“I’m going,” said Jono which was for all to nod their heads in agreement. “We pick up our dole this af so’s we can afford it. Meet at the usual place and time. Right, I’m off to pick up me dole. Anybody coming?” asked Jono, not particularly referring to anyone, but they all slid out of the booth apart from Aiden who said had picked up his money in the morning, at his appointed hour.

Aiden tided up the table and took the empties and pizza box to the bar, getting a nod of thanks from the barman. On the street, he dug deep into his pocket and pulled out a mobile phone. He switched it on and scrolled through to his text messages as he strolled towards his laundrette to pick up a pair of jeans. A brief coded message informed him that he was required to pick up two more cars at LHR on Monday and a courier would drop off the details. He smiled and turned at the entrance of the laundrette when it happened.

“You clumsy clot!” shouted a stern female voice. “Just look what you have done!” as Aiden looked down at tins and packages rolling along the pavement and the girl looking at him crossly.

“Sorry,” added Aiden as he trapped a rolling tin with his foot and started picking up the other produce. 

“How am I going to get this home with the bag split? You should watch where you are going young man,” telling him off as if she was his schoolteacher. At least she looked dowdy enough to be a teacher with her frumpy clothes and straight curtain hair. At least she wasn’t wearing the usual National Health specs. In fact, she looked quite young, not much older than him, Aiden mused.

“Shall I get you a bag or I can carry some stuff home for you if it’s not too far?”

“I think as penance you should carry it for me,” and she strode off with some items in her arms. Aiden followed with his arms full.

“Please Miss, can you slow down a bit, you’re losing me,” shouted Aiden. She looked around and saw him limping along, a number of paces behind.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise,” she said putting on a face of mixed horror and apology. “Give that all to me. I’ll carry it. I didn’t realise, I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry for me Miss, It was my fault and I’ll carry it for you no worries,” answered Aiden striding off ahead of her so that she had to take a few running steps to catch up.

“My names Audrey. You live around here, don’t you? I’ve seen you about with some other lads.”

“That’s right. We hang around the Red Lion. I haven’t seen you in there.”       

“No, I don’t drink and I am busy at the weekends.”

“Oh, so you’re in work are you? By the way, my names Aiden and nobody wants to keep me on in my condition you see.”

“Well, that’s a shame Aiden. You seem bright enough and polite enough to be employed. Now I live just up this street here. Do you want to hand those things over and I’ll take it from there.”

“It’s OK Audrey, I can manage the last mile as long as you don’t run off,” he said smiling at her. She didn’t know how to take that and coloured up a little.

“We are here Aiden,” and she turned up a short path to a small, terraced house and pressed the bell.

“Don’t you have a key?” asked Aiden.

“I do but I think Dad’s in and he doesn’t want me to have one; says I’m too young to be out and about with my own house key.” At that moment the door opened and a split older replica of Audrey, her mother, opened the door and smiled.

“Hello Audrey and I see you’ve brought a young man with you,” she said with surprise and turned her head back and shouted into the room, “Stan! Stan, put the kettle on, we have a visitor. Audrey has brought a man friend.”

“Oh, I can’t stop. I’ve only brought the groceries for Audrey.”

“You must young man. One good turn deserves another as she almost dragged Aiden into their living room, plonked him down in a settee and relieved him of his groceries.

“Mam, this is Aiden, we met on the high street. I had an accident with the bag and he helped.”

“Now that’s real kind of you Aiden. Don’t stand there Audrey,” she commanded, “Get your coat off. Get the best china and plates. I hope you like ginger cake Aiden? Home made this morning.” They both left in different directions with Mother going in the direction of the kitchen and Audrey off back into the hall to hang up her coat, and turning to Aiden, mouthing, ‘don’t mind her’.

“Ah, you must be Aiden. No, no young man, you needn’t stand up,” said her father striding in with a tray holding a teapot, jug of milk and a bowl of sugar cubes. He placed it on a low table next to the fireplace.

“Stan, you should have used the new tray for visitors,” scolded Mother, bringing in a large cake on a stand. “Men, what do they know?” with a conspiratorial smile at Aiden, who sat there bemused on the edge of the settee, gripping his cap firmly in his hands.

“Now Audrey, you sit next to Aiden and Stan you sit by the fire and watch the tea,” Mother ordered as she cut the cake. “Now Aiden is a growing lad so he can have a large piece. The rest of us will do with our meagre slices. Do you live around here Aiden?”

“Just off our main street, behind the pizza place Mrs er,”

“Mrs. Treadman. Do you live with your parents there?”

“No, my mother’s dead and father’s remarried. I live on my own now, easier that way.”

“My, my, Stan, he looks too young to look after himself.”

“I do OK Mrs. Treadman, looked after myself all my life so I’m quite capable.”

“So, you cook and wash and do housework?”

“Mam, stop it. Aiden doesn’t want the third degree.”

“No, it’s OK Audrey. I used to cook but now there’s lots of places to eat out on our High Street.”

“You don’t go into that Chinese place, do you Aiden?” asked Stan.

“You should go there Mr. Treadman. The food is good. Even the local Chinese eat there which tells you something.”

“I don’t know what it tells you Aiden, but I stick to Doreen’s cooking, don’t we Audrey. None of this fast food, foreign …. stuff for us,” Stan replied hesitating over the ‘Stuff’ and probably wanting to replace it with ‘muck’ or worse.

“We should try it some time Dad,” said Audrey in defence of Aiden. “We never go out.”

“I wouldn’t know what to order in those places,” added Stan. “It might be cat food for all we know.”

“I can assure you Mr. Treadman it’s not that. I’ve been in the kitchens and they get in top quality ingredients.”

“Well, that’s a relief Aiden.”

“Maybe we get Aiden to take us there someday father,” said Doreen, to Stan’s horror. “It could be our education father. Come on, you used to be adventurous in the old days, camping and ole that.”

“I’ll be glad to but I must be off now. I have to pick up some washing at the laundrette. It’s been nice to meet you all and thanks for the tea and cake,” said Aiden rising and making for the door.

“Audrey, you’ve asked Aiden to the concert on Saturday, haven’t you?”

“Mam, please, you’re embarrassing me and Aiden. We’ve only met five minutes ago.”

“But he does seem such a nice man Audrey. You will come won’t you Aiden.”

“Come and pick Audrey up at seven sharp, young man!” added Stan as Aiden was ushered out by Audrey making apologetic faces.

Saturday afternoon, the gang watched Luton Town get thoroughly beaten under dark cloudy skies. They shouted, sang and barracked threats at the opposition supporters. Since they were well separated there was no real threat of violent retaliation. A good afternoon was had by all. Aiden excused himself from the usual Saturday activity of the group of going into town to the pubs and then watching the girls go into the clubs. They couldn’t afford the entry but watching, whistling and catcalling were nice sports and it came free. Aiden got back to his flat via the rear garret and lounged in a deep hot bath, with a bottle of Stella on the side. He was massaging his right foot which had taken some stick that afternoon at the game with all the jumping around with his mates. They had also walked there to the ground and back to save on money. 

He made a decision to go out the next day and buy himself a new right boot at the orthopaedic shop and ensure it had more padding otherwise he would truly be crippled for life. His thoughts then went onto his second decision to be made. Should he make some excuse and not go to the concert, after all, he was a past master at excuses and Audrey didn’t look his type. On the other hand, he felt sorry for her, under the thumb of domineering parents and the concert might be interesting. His next thought was about his attire; should he go as jack-the-lad, Aiden Thorley, cripple and unemployed or James Tyler, the sophisticated and suave businessman, with a lucrative profession of stealing only the best of automobiles. He pondered over this but only for a moment and decided not to blow his cover and go as Aiden, the local cripple. He might even entice Audrey out to the pub or even a Chinese after the concert.

He was there knocking on the door five minutes past seven, not early but not late. The door was quickly opened by an excited Audrey with a coat over her arm.

“I didn’t think you would come after all that fuss yesterday,” she whispered breathlessly. “Oh, you haven’t come to call it off have you. Dad won’t have a phone.”

“No, no I’m coming Audrey,” replied Aiden to Audrey’s obvious relief. He though that she was about to hug him and kiss him but she obviously got control of herself and changed her demeanour.

“Let’s go and then you don’t have to put up with my parents. They can be just so embarrassing,” she replied, slipping on her coat and guiding Aiden down the path by his arm. She held onto his arm as if afraid to let go until they got to the end of their road.

“Now, where is this, Audrey? If it’s in town then I’ll get a taxi. I can’t walk too far. I did too much on it this afternoon.”

“Oh, you poor thing Aiden,” she said gripping his arm more tightly in a show of sympathy. “It’s only at the church hall, about two hundred metres away.”

“Oh! Oh, I can manage that but don’t walk too fast.”

“I won’t but we need to get there before my Mum and Dad so I can sit you by yourself, in a corner, away from them.”

“So, you won’t be sitting with me?”

“Not for the first part Aiden. I hope you won’t mind; I have to accompany some of the acts on the piano. I play the organ at church you see. Here we are. Not far Aiden. Is your foot OK? I’ve got the tickets. Now take my coat and save a seat for me,” said Audrey, not allowing Aiden to reply as she ushered him into a dimly lit hall and sat him near the back next to a radiator. She waved and was off to the front and disappeared through the stage door. Aiden took off his cap, sat low in the chair and pulled up his collar to make himself invisible. He had had plenty of practice doing that trick. He saw Audrey’s parents walk in and look about then take seats up at the front. The concert started promptly with amateur acts trying their best to please, with Audrey prompting them on with encouragement and expert piano accompaniment.

 

In the darkness, Aiden screwed up Audrey’s coat to use as a pillow, slid his chair closer to the radiator and made himself comfortable. His mind went back in time to when he had met another Audrey as James Tyler. He was walking out of the Arrivals Hall at Terminal Five when he was accosted by a pretty American girl.

“Can you tell me Sir, how best I can get to this place?” she said, showing him a card with ‘Slough’ written on it.

“The simplest way is to catch a cab just at the taxi rank over there,” replied James and watched the smile dissolve into a face of dismay. “OK, you could try to get to the main terminals by the underground and go to the main bus station and get an express bus from there and then you’ll have to get a cab to your hotel. Sorry, that does sound so complicated. I tell you what, I’m going to Slough myself and I can give you a lift there if you like.”

“You English are so nice and helpful. It’s my first time here and I can’t even pronounce the name of the city.”

“You shouldn’t call it a city but it is pronounced as ‘S, L, A, W,’ Slough not Sluff. Now if you mind waiting a few minutes here outside, I’ll collect the car and pick you up,” said Aiden, breaking all of his cardinal rules of not talking to anybody and not being delayed. He set up the car in quick time and drove around to the Arrivals Hall. He parked on double yellow, pipped his horn, jumped out and grabbed the girl’s case, stuffed it into the boot and urged her into the passenger’s seat. 

“Sorry, I was going to get in the other side,” said the girl apologetically.

“No worries, it’s just the police roam this area and fine you for parking here on double yellow. Anyway, we got away with it,” said Aiden as he pulled out into the stream of traffic in his huge Mercedes. “I’m James by the way and it won’t take us long to get to your place. I’ll just find it on the SatNav when we stop at lights.”

“Mighty kind of you James. My name is Audrey and my second name is Hepburn. I’ve never forgiven my parents for that. My, it’s a fine limo you’re driving for such a young fellow. Are you one of those footballers or a pop star?”

“None of those Audrey. It’s my boss’s car and I’m taking it back home for him. I have yet to aspire to something like this.”

“I’m not taking you out of the way am I James?”

“Of course not. I’m staying in a hotel myself, not in your guest house, something grander I’m afraid.”

“I’m here to get a job as cabin staff so I’ve booked myself in somewhere cheap. Your hotels are sooo.. expensive. That’s why I baulked at the cab from the airport when you mentioned it. I hope it wasn’t too obvious.”

“I just saw you as a damsel in distress and I’ve come on my black charger to rescue you, Audrey.”

“Well mighty kind of you Sir. It’s much appreciated by a poor American gall.”

“Didn’t your Mummy warn you not to talk to strange men and get into their cars?”

“She did, but England is full of gentlemen like you James, isn’t it?”

“Don’t believe that Audrey and don’t do that again. Don’t lose your guard ever and be street wise.”

“I know, I know but I felt desperate, in a strange country and disorientated. You will have to give me that in my defence.”

“So, what were you doing in the States?”

“Oh. I was an air hostess, trolley dolly as you call them, for a domestic airline, now I want to see the World. I’m going for an interview with BA tomorrow. Do you know where their HQ is James?”

“Yeah, it’s out towards Terminal 4. Get a cab for that. Save you a lot of hassle and you’ll have to be at your best.”

“BA job is the cream and difficult to get but my friends told me I’ve got the teeth and tits for that job. I was Miss Arizona last year. Sorry James but don’t be too impressed, they choose about a hundred each year.”

“What are you doing tonight, Audrey?”

“Hey, my Mom warned me about gentlemen like you.”

“Well, the place you’re staying at doesn’t sound that great and you have to eat and I’m at a loose end. Let me take you out to a quaint English pub in Windsor. You might not see the Queen but I’ll ensure you’re stoked up for the night and ready to give BA hell.”

“OK James that sounds fun as long as you have no other plans for me. I have to be on top form tomorrow.”

“Scout’s honour Audrey, I’ll be the perfect gentleman. I’ll call for you at say seven and ensure you get back before you turn into a pumpkin. I’ll get a cab. No drinking and driving in the UK. Now here we are. I’ll get your bag out of the back for you and make sure you’re checked in here.”

“Perfect James, what a great introduction to England. It’s like a fairy tale.”

James picked Audrey up in a cab that evening and they did a tour of the sights, Windsor Great Park, the Castle, the river, Eton School and finally ended up in a quaint pub in Datchet for dinner. They had a great evening and before parting, James ensured she had his mobile number and they promised to meet up again. Audrey got the job and did contact James and they met frequently until she reached her ambition of ‘shagging a Captain;’ her words and marrying him. Through her, he made contact with a whole circle of airline staff and was never at a loss for company in the evenings, when he was working down there.

The interval came and Audrey interrupted Aiden from his musing.

“I hope it wasn’t too boring Aiden. I’ve finished my bit.”

“What’s on after the interval?”

“Oh, some more sketches and readings.”

“Would you mind if we miss out on the exciting bits Audrey. My snoring might just upset the cast.”

“What are you suggesting Aiden?” she whispered leaning towards him.

“Well, we slip out and find something less boring to do. At least we can chat.” Audrey nodded her head and Aiden grabbed her coat and they slipped out as the lights dimmed with Audrey holding onto Aiden’s hand tightly as if they were in deep trouble together.

“I’ve never done anything like this before Aiden. I don’t know what Dad will say.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t get us into trouble. I suggest we go to a pub and out of the cold.”

“But I don’t drink Aiden and I’ve never been in a pub.”

“You can have an orange juice or even a cup of coffee if you like. I’ll look after you.” Aiden took charge in the ‘James’ mode and took her into a smart hotel lounge bar. He ordered an orange juice for her and a red wine for himself.

“Can I try your wine Aiden,” asked Audrey as she settled into a comfy sofa with Aiden besides her. “I don’t think I like wine.”

“You have to get used to it. You would like the Alco pops since they’re sweeter.”

“Will they make me tipsy Aiden?”

“They will if you drink plenty of them. It’s the brewers’ way of getting young kids hooked onto drink.”

“Can you order me one to try? I’ll pay for it.” Aiden ordered a vodka pops with ice and she liked it, feeling quite grown up and sophisticated.

“Audrey, I’m starving. I haven’t eaten since the ginger cake your mum gave me. Can we go and get something to eat.”

“Well mum said I should invite you back for a meal but I don’t think it will be a good idea now.”

“OK, why don’t I take you to a good Indian that I know? You’ll like it. I presume you haven’t been to one before.”

“No, I haven’t, but what will I order Aiden? I insist on paying for both of us.”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll order lots of different small dishes and you can see what you like.” The Indian was a success, particularly after a couple of bottles of pops for Audrey. On the way home in a cab, Audrey clung onto Aiden’s arm and was quite animated.

“Aiden, I’ve really enjoyed that. Will you take me out again? What are you doing this Sunday afternoon? I’m at church all morning. Will you take me somewhere in the afternoon please?” she pleaded. Aiden was taken aback by her audacity. He was hoping to let thing slip by and now he was entangled with a Sunday School teacher. This wasn’t going to do his street cred much good with the gang.

“OK, I’ll meet you at your road end at two and I’ll think of something to do.”

On Thursday morning James caught a cab to the station to catch a train to London. On the way he checked the details of the targeted cars on his laptop and set up his equipment and rechecked everything twice. He was meticulous in his research on the cars security and tracking devices and his own equipment. He regularly switched his coats and cases to maintain his plain appearance of a normal harassed business traveller. He always wore dark glasses and sometimes a hat. He liked the weather to be wet and dull which Southern England obliged frequently. This blurred the images on the CCTV cameras and made it less likely for him to be spotted as a regular. Having finished his preparations, James took out a specialist car magazine to peruse and also he could curl up in the corner of his seat and be almost invisible. He couldn’t concentrate on the magazine, instead went over the events of the weekend with Audrey. He couldn’t work out how he got so inveigled with her so quickly. He determined that she wasn’t his type, compared to the extrovert airline staff company he was used to, but she seemed to grow on him and was quite amusing in a childish way. 

On Sunday she was waiting in the rain at the end of the road patiently for him with an eager look. There was an obvious expression of relief on her face as she spotted him and rushed over to protect him under her brolley. They caught a bus into town and went to the Cinema for the afternoon, with Audrey holding, no gripping, Aiden’s hand throughout the performance. This was followed by a coffee bar where Audrey was introduced to cappuccino followed by an Italian where she enjoyed spaghetti carbonara for the first time. She had led a sheltered life but was eager to explore the world and would try everything. She even said she enjoyed her glass of Chianti even though she left half of it.

 During the meal she pursued the question when they should meet again and Aiden had to disappoint her by telling her that on a regular basis he had to go into London to baby sit for his elder sister and since she paid him, fed him and paid his fare it made his dole money go further. Audrey accepted that and sympathised that he had such difficulty getting a job and then embarrassed Aiden when she insisted on paying for both of them whenever they went out. After all, she was in work and he was on the dole. He pleaded that he also got a disability allowance but that wouldn’t change her mind.

The earliest that Aiden would allow her to meet him was Saturday night and promised her the cinema and maybe a Chinese afterwards. He excused himself on Friday by telling her the truth for once that he was involved in a darts match at The Red Lion where the regulars were taking on a team from a rival pub. He told her that she wasn’t quite ready for the rumpus of ordinary pub life yet and being a local, it might get back to her Dad that she was there. She accepted that meekly, particularly the bit about her Dad.

The Heathrow Express took him to Terminal Three where he mingled with the arrivals crowd of businesspeople and drove out with a brand new Jag. Later that day he took the latest Beamer sports model from the North Terminal at Gatwick. That evening he was partying with his friends in a hotel in Heathrow again. Two or three cars a day were simply transferred to the warehouse in Slough and on Friday morning he caught an early National Express bus to Luton airport and a cab home. After all he had an appointment at the dole office and maybe a visit to the job centre to keep up appearances.

That evening he did well at darts, and even though The Red Lion team lost overall, he was the top scorer for his team. The drinks were free and Aiden was able to sneak some over to his greedy pals who cheered him along hoping for some free pickings. He ordered them a pizza to keep them out of the way as he slipped out back to his garret and then onto his luxury apartment next door. Chinese Momma from downstairs had been in, cleaned the place, changed the sheets and ensured his laundry basket was empty. He smiled thinking of her. He was really a carbon copy of Chinese Momma in the deceit stakes. The family had come over from Hong Kong many years ago to improve their life in Britain. Momma was the driving force and soon they opened one of the first restaurants in Luton and had prospered. Momma was small, wizened and always covered in a black coverall. She purported to know no English but in fact had an Open University degree in English Literature and was now tackling Philosophy.

 She was aware of Aiden’s or James’s double life as were all of her Chinese staff but they kept the secret well. Her family of five children had long gone, fled the nest and were running Chinese restaurants in various parts of England. She could have long retired but liked to keep busy and ran the restaurant, pizza parlour and laundrette as well as ensuring that James apartment was kept spick and span and nobody bothered him. It was amazing the way all the Chinese workers suddenly couldn’t speak or understand a word of English when questioned by officials. Even interpreters had difficulty getting much information out of them. It was a close-knit community, headed up by Momma.

Saturday night Aiden picked Audrey up at the end of her street, sheltering again under her green patterned brolley. He was on time but presumed that she had been there a while. He suggested going to the Arts Centre to see a French film.

“But, but I won’t be able to understand it Aiden, will I. They wouldn’t let me take French at school.”

“No worries Audrey I shall translate for you,” said Aiden watching the look of amazement on Audrey’s face. “No, I didn’t take French either but it will either be dubbed or there will be subtitles. You will like it I can assure you, not too much violence and only a modicum of sex,” he continued as Audrey made a prudish face at the mention of sex and then laughed, digging Aiden in the ribs.

“Oh, sorry Aiden. I hope I didn’t hurt you. Aiden?”

“Yes Aud.”

“Will you take me to a Chinese after. I’ve never had Chinese. I’ll pay, I will.”

“No need Aud after all, my rich sister pays me well and I get dole plus disability, I’m not a pauper. Look there’s the bus into town, run on and stop it for me,” asked Aiden to stop the discussion on money matters.

They enjoyed the film and Aiden took her back to the Chinese near his garret. The head waiter found them a table, at Aiden’s request, at the back and out of sight, not that he was concerned that the gang would turn up there. He ordered a selection of Chinese that came beautifully presented and at regular intervals. On his way to the Men’s room, he was accosted by Momma.

“What are you doing with that ugly girl James,” she whispered. “You can do better than that. Which foster home does she belong?” in perfect English.

“It’s OK Momma. She’s from a Church family and well brought up but naïve in the ways of the world.”

“And I suppose you’re going to educate her in the evil ways of Aiden and his gang of dropouts. Do you want me to warn her about you and your criminal record and then she will go away. I think she’s one of the Church types, that feels sorry for Mr. Limpalong.” 

“No need yet Momma, I’ll drop her down gently in my own way.”

“You’re not going to take her back to your filthy place tonight, are you? I can have it cleaned up for you if you want to have your way with her.”

“No need Momma, she hasn’t yet passed the holding of hands stage so I’m safe there.”

“Well don’t break her heart James. She looks so fragile. By the way, I ignored your order and put you on a banquet for you. I think she needs feeding up. Is it her first time? She seems to nibble on a teaspoon full before plunging in. Shall I send you some wine and how do you want to settle the bill.”

“Hey Moma, you’re too kind. Split the bill. She insists on paying her way and I don’t think she is into saki yet. Must go.”

“Who were you talking to there Aiden?”

“That’s Chinese Momma and she’s the proprietor her. A nice lady, looks after her guests well. She was asking if the food was right for you or if you wanted anything different.”

“I hope you told her I’m enjoying every mouthful. I’ve never tasted food like this. I’m sorry what Dad said the other day. He’s a bigot of the first order. Now Aiden, tell me about yourself. Where you born with the disability?”

“No Aud, it was at school. I was playing football and I was quite good at it. Mr. Frankson said a scout from Luton Town had looked me over and was interested. Broke my ankle in a tackle and had it set in plaster for three months, then when they took the plaster off, they discovered that I had also broken some bones in the foot that had set badly. They had to operate and break the bones open again.”

“I bet that was painful Aiden? You poor thing.”

“Well, the operation I didn’t feel and the painkillers were good but the worst thing was I had to keep the plaster on for another three months.”

“I bet you missed your football. I played hockey at school, never made the teams. I was too frightened of the hard ball. Go on Aiden, what happened then?”

“Well, I was off school for a while and since I was in plaster for so long the kids started to pick on me and I was bullied so I used to bunk off on the excuse that I had to go to physiotherapy.”

“Didn’t you tell the teachers Aiden?”

“Nah, boys don’t do that. It wouldn’t do much good anyway. They used to tease me that I was a swat. I could answer all the teachers’ stupid questions even though I had missed so much and that used to annoy the others,” recounted Aiden. What he failed to mention was that the second operation was a success and his foot was fully fit and operational. He used the past problem as an excuse to get out of school on legitimate grounds for physio or to see a specialist. He even found a larger trainer and stuffed it out to give himself a limp.

“So, when did you leave school Audrey?”

“I left at sixteen with some GCSE’s and went straight into the office as a junior.”

“I never took any GCSE’s. Wasn’t at school for the exams. When I was bunking off, I spent most of my time in the library reading about cars and engineering. There’s a small garage workshop near us and I used to hang around there. Fred the owner let me make tea at first then I got onto shifting cars for him, even delivering them if need be.”

“Did you have a licence then?” 

“No but I got one as soon as I was seventeen. Passed first, with all the practise I had. I also did some work around the place. I can strip down and build up an engine and I’m not bad at welding either.” What Aiden failed to tell was that Fred was somewhat unscrupulous and engaged with a bit of cut and shut, car theft and changing car’s identification. Aiden was an expert with the acetylene torch in cutting up smashed cars and building them up into perfect ones. Two, sometimes three smashers were built up into a pristine immaculate little number that was sold on for profit. He also learned how to break into cars and hot wire, start them. Car keys were not a necessary item for him.

One day Fred had approached Aiden and suggested a special job for him. He was to steal a classic Aston Martin and deliver it to a warehouse in Slough. The old cars were easy and Fred gave Aiden a thousand pounds plus his travelling expenses and pocketed the rest. Aiden got a few more jobs like that and decided to go freelance and cut out Fred’s enormous commission. Aiden was making lots of money by these activities, more than he knew what to do with.

“Tell me about your home life Aiden.”

“Not a lot to tell really. Mum died of cancer when I was fifteen. My stepfather was quite good to me but when another women came along, I moved out into lodgings. Told the landlord I was a student at the local Tech and they didn’t care as long as the rent was paid. When I left school, I went straight on the dole and even got some housing allowance.”

“But you said you were now living in an apartment behind the Pizza place.”

“I got fed up of noisy student accommodation and found a beaten up, two roomed place for rent there. It’s a bit grotty but its home for me.”  What Aiden failed to tell Audrey was that he was making so much money at that time, that he went to a local accountant, telling him he had been left a huge sum by his mother and asking him how he should invest it.  The accountant gave him a number of options and the one that appealed at the time was to buy the freehold on a terrace of commercial properties where the rents were good and the value of the properties likely to rise substantially in time. They formed a Private Company for Aiden, with him at the helm as MD, the accountant as Finance Director and a local Solicitor as Company Secretary. A substantial bank loan was arranged to meet the shortfall and Aiden suddenly became the proud owner of a Pizza Parlour, Chinese Restaurant, Newsagents, General Store, a Cobblers and a Laundrette plus the accommodations above.

 He took over the apartment above the Pizza Parlour plus the garret behind. The Chinese family rented the apartments above their restaurant and the newsagents, and the other apartments were converted into offices which brought in higher rents. The cobbler eventually retired and his workshop was incorporated into the laundrette which could now offer service washes, ironing, repairs and alterations and took in dry cleaning and commercial laundry. Aiden kept a low profile and only Chinese Momma knew of his commercial ventures. Under the scrutiny of Momma, the businesses were doing well and the Accountant had difficulty keeping the Taxable revenues as low as possible. Plus, the fact James would every now and again insert a huge wedge of money from his own thriving car business.

“Audrey, I have a little present for you.”

“What is it Aiden. You shouldn’t buying me presents, you know!” she said waving a friendly finger, admonishing him. “Oh, it’s a voucher for a hair salon. I’ve never been to one of those. Mum cuts my hair, says these places are a rip off.”

“I won it in a pub quiz and it’s not much use to me.”

“Couldn’t you give it to your sister Aiden?”

“She’s got plenty of money. You use it Audrey. The place is just up the road, we passed it earlier. They tell me it’s got a good reputation.”

“But when will I go and will they charge me extra for things. I’ve never been to one of these places before.”

“Get old Wilkinson to give you some time off. I bet you’re owed some holiday. Don’t worry, they’ll look after you and the voucher covers you up to a hundred pounds so you won’t have to spend a penny more. Just phone them up and make an appointment. They’ll look after you.”

“Thanks Aiden. I’m quite excited and I don’t know how I’m going to make it up to you. I know what. You take me to the pictures tomorrow and the Greek place you mentioned to me and I will pay. I insist,” said Audrey with full authority as Aiden tried to hide his face of dismay.

“OK, tomorrow then but I’m needed by my sister all of next week. She’s off to a conference. Come on, I will walk you home before your dad gets edgy. Here, take a handful of these mints to stop your breath smelling too much.” More white lies from Aiden. He was due next week with a team to steal luxury cars in Brussels. Left hand cars fetched a higher premium since they needed less modification. They could be sent to Russia or one of its satellites untouched. He expected to make at least ten thousand pounds a car for four days work with at least three cars a day. That would go a long way to expanding his Commercial portfolio even further. His Company had eyes of mopping up a further six shops along the row including the pub. James was able to pay top dollar and Landlords were keen to do business at that margin of profit for them.

A black cab dropped him off in front of the Pizza Parlour and the Chinese fellow put down his newspaper and waved an envelope at him. James picked it up off the counter, nodded acknowledgement to the man who was back to reading his Chinese paper and he quickly disappeared up stairs to his apartment. He didn’t recognise the handwriting, so he tore it open to find a short note from Audrey. It read, ‘Dear Aiden, sorry that I didn’t make a date with you last Sunday for this week. I must see you Friday. I will be at usual place at seven. Lots of love Audrey.’ If a speech balloon had appeared above James’s head. It would have read, ‘Shit, shit and double shit!’ He had hoped he had wriggled out of another date and he had planned to keep a low profile this weekend. Stay in his flat and resting. He was tired after long hours of work in Brussels. Apart from stealing the cars, they also had to pack them in containers for transport and that took a lot of effort and working late into the night.

Aiden decided to be late for his date. Not by much, only twenty minutes or so and he hoped that Audrey would simply melt away from his life. He looked up hopefully and couldn’t see Plain-Jane Audrey ahead and his spirits bucked up a notch. He decided to walk up to the end of the road for just the sake of it when a girl in black tight jeans, boots, leather jacket trimmed with fur and an expensive looking, jet-black hair style, turned around and smiled at him.

“Hi Aiden, what kept you?” she said as Aiden looked on in disbelief. “I thought I would surprise you. I bet you didn’t think it was old dreary Audrey there? Come on Aiden say something,” she implored. “Don’t you like me like this or would you like the old version?” 

“Well, I certainly didn’t recognise you Audrey. It’s quite a transformation. What made you do all this?”

“You Aiden, it’s all your fault. You instigated all this with that voucher so I blame you if you don’t like me like this.”

“No, no, you look great but how did you do all this and what have your parents said? Do they know?”

“Oh, they know and I don’t care what they think. I’m old enough to look after myself I reckon. You’ve shown me that and you have greater problems than me. Look Aiden, we can’t stand here and talk. Why don’t you take me into The Red Lion and we have a drink and I’ll tell you all about my wonderful week and transformation. I don’t think I’ll look out of place in there with you, will I Aiden? The old Audrey would have embarrassed you but the girls at work tell me that I look more than OK now.” 

They walked down the road towards The Red Lion and Audrey linked arms with Aiden and hung on tight.

“I now understand your difficulty Aiden. I’m wearing boots with high heels and I’ve got to hang onto you or else I’ll fall over. They are a bugger to get used to, if you excuse my French. I’ve had a wonderful week thanks to you Aiden and I want to tell you all about it.” They seated themselves in a bay, out of the gaze of the locals and Audrey insisted on a vodka-lemon alco-pop and Aiden got himself a bottle of his usual beer.

“Now tell me all. How has this church mouse been transformed into this cool chick?” asked Aiden as Audrey squirmed with pleasure, sipping her drink carefully.

“Well, I rang up the hairdressers and the only appointment they had this week was Monday morning. So, I told old Wilkinson I was having a half day’s holiday. The girls in there were so nice Aiden. They showed me all these magazines and catalogues to help me choose the style then when I was under the drier Louise came and did my nails, look Aiden, all part of the service she said. Louise is the beautician in there so I asked her if she would show me how to put make up on, without looking tarty. I said I’d pay so I stayed on and got the full treatment. What do you think Aiden?”

“Oh, you look good Aud. Just the right amount I would say, but what about the fancy clothes? Where did you get them?”

“That’s another story and I’m dying to tell you Aiden. I told Louise that my clothes were a bit frumpy and she told me about the personal stylists at Debenhams. They advise you on what you should wear and things, so I ring up Wilkinson and tell him I’m having the full day off.”

“What did he say to that?”

“Not a lot other than saying that Linda and Diana weren’t going to be too pleased. You see, they would have to get off their backsides and do some work for a change. Anyway, I went along to the store and I was lucky that the stylists weren’t busy and I had one to myself all afternoon. I spent a lot there. I bought clothes for work and casual clothes for going out plus all the shoes, boots and accessories. How do you like these smashers?” asked Audrey raising a leg and showing him a boot. “The thing was there was a Blue Cross sale on with things at half price. When Amanda realised that I was going to spend a lot she went out of the way to help me. You see, she got commission on what I spent, also if I spent over a hundred there was extra discount and if I spent more there was even more. If I got a shop card, then they were going to give me and extra ten percent.”

“Sounds as if they were going to have to pay you to take the stuff?”

“Not joking Aiden. I must have spent well over eight hundred pounds by the tickets but it only cost me just over three. I’ve got outfits for work, going out and a kind of an evening gown for dances plus lots of shoes, belts, scarves and hats. What do you think of this outfit then Aiden?” asked Audrey, getting up and giving him a twirl. 

“Hey, it’s really super Aud. You look real cool. I mean it. What did the girls say at work then?”

“Oh, Linda and Diana were gob smacked when I walked in, in fitted trousers and a nice top. They spent all morning asking me about it and what possessed me to change. I think they were a bit jealous. Dirty old Wilky was also amazed and smacked my bottom. I told him not to do that but he did it again so I told him straight, if he was going to get a rise out of me then I would get a rise out of him of fiver a week. I do the payroll so I added a fiver a week adjustment to mine and he signed it off.”

“So, what else have you been up to this busy week Aud?”

“Well, next day Diana passed me an insurance claim to handle and I passed it back saying that I was busy with the payroll and if she wanted to get her wages then she better leave me to it. That upset her and Linda. They’ve had it too easy since Mrs. Wilky gave up the Office Manager’s job.  They passed all the work to me, which I didn’t mind then since I was learning but I’m not going to be put on anymore. I’m out of sheep’s clothing and the wolf is emerging.”

“So, this has given your confidence a boost Aud?”

“Not half. Even the drivers are coming in to chat me up instead of Di and Lin. Oh let me tell you what happened. Really funny. It was Wilky’s birthday on Wednesday, so do you know what Di did? She sat on the photocopier, you know, and signed it ‘Guess who?’ in lipstick and sent it in a card to Wilky’s house.”

“But wouldn’t there be a danger that his wife would pick it up?”  

“That was the point Aiden and she came down screaming at us. Di and Lin just laughed at her as she was ranting and raving. Old Wilky probably got it in the neck that night.”

“Probably deserves it from what you told me about him. Sounds to me that you run the place?”

“Thinking about it Aiden, I probably do. I take the orders, see to the invoices, make out the drivers’ worksheets and also the payroll. If a truck breaks down the driver call me not Wilky, same with our customers. Do you know Aiden, that since I do the payroll, I know I’m the lowest paid work there? I’m going to see Mr. Wilkinson next week and have it out with him. I’m a changed woman and I’m not going to put up with being ignored.”

“Good for you Aud, but go gently and don’t upset the apple cart, if you know what I mean. People can get funny with bossy women.”

“I’ll take that on board Aiden, thanks. Now I have something serious to ask you Aiden. I’ve been thinking all week when you’ve been away. It’s me that’s been pushing you to take me out on dates and I haven’t taken your feelings into consideration. I know you’ve been kind but I think I lumbered myself onto you. Now just hear me out Aiden. I want to know your feelings on this matter. Do you still fancy me? Do you still want to go out with me? I want the truth Aiden. If not and you want to break with me then I’ll just finish my drink and be out of here; very thankful for meeting you and showing me a new way of life out there.”

“Cor Aud, that’s a very serious thing to say. To answer that I can only say ‘Yes,’ I do want to continue dating you and ‘Yes’ I do fancy the new Aud far more than the little mouse, but you might just frighten me away.”

“Oh Aiden, I was hoping you would say that. If you hadn’t, I think I would have burst out in tears and run away. Can we start afresh Aiden? The new me and treat me like any other girl. Don’t feel sorry for me. I can look after myself now much better.”

“OK, but what do your parents say about the transformation. Isn’t your dad shocked?”

“He is but Mum says he’ll get over it. I wear my dowdy things around the house. I’ll get changed in the back shed and slip out at night if I need to. He’s off to work before me.”

“OK, what shall we do tonight Aud? I don’t want to stay here. The gang will be here soon and they’ll start taking the Mickey.”

“Aiden,” she whispered leaning close to him over the table. “I want you to take me back to your place now so that we can have a kiss and a cuddle with you. I want that so much but I’m too embarrassed to do it in public places.”

“No way Aud. My place is a dump and I would be seriously embarrassed taking you there. It’s not fit for habitation. It should have been condemned long ago.” 

“So, you don’t want to kiss me Aiden?”

“Oh, I do but not there.” 

“Look, it can’t be that bad Aiden. You are always clean, tidy and don’t smell of life as a tramp. Come on Aiden, just for half an hour. You can even turn the lights off so I can’t see it. Come on Aiden, please.”

“OK but you’re not to touch anything or try to clean up. Promise?”

“Promise Aiden, just get me out of here and somewhere private with you.”

Audrey got hold of Aiden’s hand as if her life depended on it, as she dragged him along the street towards the Pizza Parlour. Aiden looked about, quickly unlocked the door to the narrow alley and pushed Audrey through, slamming the door behind him. Sensors switched on the dim lights in the passage as Aiden led her through to his door. He barged it open with his shoulder and felt for the light switch. A bare bulb lit up the scene of devastation.

“See, it’s not fit for you Aud. I only sleep here. I don’t live here. I go out all the time. Come on you’ve seen it now.”

“No Aiden, I’ve seen worse with the voluntary work we do with the church. There’s a settee at least. We are staying Aiden.”

“OK if you must but just stand there and don’t move,” said Aiden firmly as he extracted a two-bar fire from under the sink and plugged it in. “It’s too bloody cold around here.” He then opened the oven door, pulled the trays out and switched it on to full. “Now don’t move Aud. I’ll get something. I’ll be back in a minute, just warm yourself in front of the oven,” and he quickly left. He was back in five minutes with a large pink candlewick bedspread. “Right Aud, help me to spread it over the settee, wouldn’t want you catching any bugs lurking there. The fire is a bit smelly. The dust will burn off in a minute. Do you want to sit down now or are you still cold?” asked Aiden warming his hands in the oven.

“Come and sit next to me Aiden. I’ll take my coat off in a minute. You surprise me Aiden. I took you for a clean, tidy lad that wouldn’t put up with this state.”

“Do you want to go Audrey?” said Aiden trying to get up off the settee and being restrained.

“Sorry Aiden, I didn’t mean it that way. Come and sit down. I want to stay. Aiden is that a knock on the door?” as Aiden got up, pulled open the door and stepped outside for a moment. He came back carrying a huge pizza box with two styrene containers of coffee. “Did you order that Aiden?”

“No, didn’t think we would stay that long. Chinese Momma took pity on us and sent this around. Probably easier to eat at the table,” answered Aiden as he swept the empty boxes, cans and junk off the table onto the floor with a free arm.

“Let me wipe the table with some wet-wipes Aiden before you put that down” said Audrey, hurrying over and cleaning the table and wiping the chair, using up all of her packet of wipes. “That’s very kind of her. You must let me pay. Now put them down there. Have you got cutlery and plates?”

“Let’s just eat them with our hands Aud. It’s in slices and there are plenty of napkins.”

“OK, if you say so. I have never eaten pizza. I’ve seen the adverts but dad says they’re rubbish. It smells good and the coffee is good and hot.”  They ate up the pizza, wiped their hands on the napkins and finished off the coffee.

“And now for the washing up,” stated Aiden, sweeping the whole lot onto the floor with his arm.

“Aiden, that’s naughty of you,” retorted Audrey laughing heartily. They then got back to the settee for a bout of serious snogging. After a while Audrey suggested, “Shall I take my bra off Aiden?” Aiden gave her a shocked look, blew on his hands in a gesture to warm them and told her he could manage himself. “No further Aiden, we’ve only met today for real.” They spent some time in his garret on Saturday night and then Sunday night before he escorted her home by eleven each night. 

James was away working most of the following week but excused himself on Thursday and came home early, leaving a message for Audrey at her workplace to meet Aiden in The Red Lion at seven. He had missed her and the airline staff he was with now bored him. At few minutes before seven he walked through the doors of The Red Lion to be greeted, “Hi Aiden, what will it be; the usual? Surprise, surprise!” There was Audrey in a low-cut T-shirt showing off more black bra than necessary and a nicely tanned midriff. 

“OK Aiden, you can close your mouth. Here, come over to the bay and I’ll explain all.” Aiden meekly sat in the bay as Audrey came over with two drinks, in her tight black jeans, giving her butt an extra exaggerated wiggle, accompanied by a wolf whistle from Reg the barman.

“Hey, what’s going on Aud?”

“Hey, take that worried look off your face and let me explain. Since you are away most of the week babysitting, I wasn’t going to face my Dad each evening giving me hassle. Di at work suggested I get some bar work. Earn some more money and get free drinks for my friends. I don’t do the free drinks bit.”

“But why in this pub Aud?”

“It’s the only one I know. On Monday I came in early and asked Reg for a job. I told him I had never worked in a bar before. He said I’d either hate it or love it. He said straight up that I’d have to tart myself up a bit. Good for the punters and especially for the tips. I don’t mind that as long as they look and not touch. Reg doesn’t let me out in front except to meet you so I’m safe. Hey, don’t look so glum. I’ve put up with worse from our drivers.”

“What’s with the tan Aud?”

“It was Reg’s idea. He said the punters would dream of nicer places seeing me tanned and not the pallor of Luton. It’s OK Aiden, it’s only fake tan. The girls at the beauty parlour did it for me, just all my top and face. Only lightly”

“I should get a job there with a spray gun!” said Aiden grinning and getting a mock punch from Audrey.

“Don’t Aiden, you’re making me blush. Never taken my clothes of in public like that, never even got undressed at school for showers after sport.” 

“Have you had any trouble from the gang?”

“Not really. Jazzer came up once and asked me if I was your girl. I nodded and he asked me to get a round of free beers for the lads. I told him to buzz off. He kept pestering me and eventually asked what I was doing going out with a spaz so I warned him that if he called you that again, I’d get him thrown out and banned. Well, Big Jake heard some of this. You know the weightlifter. He grabs Jazzer by his collar and seat of his pants and lifts him up bodily off the floor. He asks me if this runt is giving me hassle and should he throw him in the gutter? You should have seen Jazzer’s face. Scared to death he was so I asked Jake to put him down gently and let him run off to his pals.”

“Did you have any more problems with him or them Aud?”

“Nah, they looked at me and whispered amongst themselves for a while. Later that evening I ordered a pizza for them from you. It’s OK, I paid for it. It was a sort of peace offering; to show them I wasn’t bothered by them.”

“What did they say?”

“Nothing but Jono came up later, ordered a round, paid for it then asked if I’d been in touch with you and how. I just pointed to the house phone and told him you were away earning good money in London.”

“Why did you say that Aud?”

“I wasn’t going to tell them that that you were babysitting, was I? I wanted to tell them that you could at least get a job if you wanted.” 

“Thanks Aud, I appreciate that. They can be a pain these lads sometime. At least now I have a nice excuse to be away from them. I’d rather be with you Aud.”

“You do say nice thing Aiden. Now I got the job here on the understanding with Reg that I could have time off when you were back so give me a few minutes to change into something a bit more decent. Don’t want you to getting ideas above your station Aiden.”

The next week James Tyler was busy commandeering expensive cars in Cannes. These were destined for the Middle East, shipped out of the Port of Genoa in Italy. The information about the car’s security, key identification and tracking devises was impeccable. The electronic equipment at James’s disposal could handle all and disable the car’s security efficiently. Again, the returns for left hand drive autos were lucrative and James returned to Luton Airport via Geneva a happy and richer man.

“How were sister and the kids Aiden?”

“Boring, don’t want to talk about it. Give us a kiss Aud and make me feel better.”

“Couldn’t wait to see you, I’ve really missed you Aiden. I wish you didn’t have to go away.”

“It won’t be for much longer Aud. I think big sis is fed up with little brother raiding her fridge and using all the facilities. How was your week?”

“Now can we go back to your place for a while? I’ve missed you Aiden.”

“You just want to abuse my body Aud, isn’t it?”

“That’s right Aiden but I let you have mine in exchange if you like. Now cut out that leer. I have things to tell you about this place and the street but later, after you take me to an Italian this time.”

“Reg was reading out a letter from his new landlord to the usual crew at the bar. He said they were going to fire him. I looked over his shoulder and said that wasn’t the case, so he gave it to me to read out.”

“So, what did it say and don’t let that food get cold Aud?”

“Well, the new landlord or owner is going to invest lots of money in the place. Wants to refurbish, open the snug, get the function room working, flowers everywhere and even wants the pavement power washed. Reg said it’s the Council’s responsibility.”

“What did the others say to all that Aud?” 

“Well, most of them were for the changes as long as they didn’t put the beer prices up. One guy said that it was some local businessman who had bought up the whole street and was going to do it up. That’s why the letter said The Red Lion had to have flower baskets on the outside in keeping with the rest of the street.”

“What was Reg’s reaction to all this?”

“Difficult to say Aiden. I think he was excited by the fact he wasn’t sacked but didn’t know where to begin his new tasks. Attached to the letter was a sheaf of contacts that Reg had to talk to and make plans. I volunteered to come in one lunchtime and ring them all up and set up meetings. Reg jumped at my offer. I think he was relieved that there was somebody to help and organise him. He even offered to pay me double rate. Can we go back to your place Aiden before you take me home please?”

“It’s getting late Aud and I don’t want a massive fall out with your dad and you shouldn’t be getting into trouble. I’ll get a car for tomorrow and I’ll take you to Dunstable Downs, lots of nice pubs there.”

“OK spoilsport. Aiden, how can I get in touch with you, when you’re away?”

“Sis doesn’t like me to use the phone. Best way is to leave a message at the Pizza Parlour. The Chinaman there will pass it on. Sis lives near a Chinese and these guys have a network.”

The following Thursday James got a text message on his Blackberry that Audrey wanted to see him personally urgently. He called her and left a message that he would meet her for lunch at a pub near her workplace. She was there waiting for him and burst into tears as soon as he approached.

“Hey, what’s the matter Aud? It can’t be that bad?”

“It’s worse than bad Aiden.”

“Well sit down, I’ll get us a drink and you can tell me all about it.”

“It’s Dad. He found out about the pub thing. He though I was at the rehearsals at church. He got really nasty. He said he didn’t want a daughter of his to bring an illegitimate bastard into his house. I spoiled it by telling him that couldn’t happen because I was on the pill. That threw him into an almighty rage and he actually hit me. Look Aiden, you can just see the bruise. He said that if I was going to behave like a tart and prostitute, I could leave the house. So, I said I would. Mother calmed things down but I know I’ve upset him and it’s going to blow up again.”

“What does your Mum say?”

“Oh, she’s supportive but is on dad’s side I know but won’t let on.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I’ve got all my stuff packed and it’s in the church hall. I’m going to move in with you Aiden.”

“What? You can’t!” replied Aiden, raising his voice. “You just can’t! You’ve seen the place. It’s a shit heap. It’s not fit for you.”

“What do you mean it’s not fit for me? I’m no lady muck, I can put up with discomfort worse than your place Aiden. We could clean it up and make it nice.”

“I’ve only got a single bed and that’s falling apart.”

“No problem with that with you being away all week and when you’re back it will be cosy.”

“There are rats and mice crawling all over the place.”

“I haven’t seen one yet Aiden. Look, give it a try Aiden for one month and if it doesn’t work out then we’ll go our separate ways or I’ll find somewhere else. I’m desperate Aiden and I want you to save me as you’ve done so far.”

“I don’t like this Aud. I’ll let you stay for a week and it will give you time to find some lodgings.” Audrey gave him a full kiss on the mouth and rushed off back to work.

Aiden had his work cut out trying to find a solution. The easy way out was to invite her into his true apartment and become James Tyler but that could be building up major problems for later. He decided to consult Momma and between them they came up with a plan. She would provide clean mattress, bedding and linen and get one of her staff to clean out the toilet and install three oil filled heaters as basics. They would leave the rest to Audrey if she wanted to clean up and make a home. By the time Aiden had sorted out and bought a few essentials like a kettle and some mugs, he arrived back to find Audrey on the pavement surrounded by cases and boxes with all her belongings.

“Hi Aud, I managed to sort the bed out and the heating. Got a kettle here so that we can make coffee.”

“Oh, you’re a darling I knew you would help me out. Help me in with this stuff.” Aiden unlocked the door to the alley and they took the first lot of stuff in off the pavement. A couple of the Chinese staff brought in the rest. “They are so kind Aiden. Oh look, you’ve got some new heaters. It’s quite warm in here now, quite cosy already.”

“That’s the only thing that’s changed Aud. Go upstairs and check your bed out. I bought some new stuff and chucked the old stuff out.

“Aiden, it’s lovely. You are so thoughtful. Put the kettle on and we’ll have a cup of coffee. There’s coffee in one of the boxes, I’ll find it. Now Aiden, would you mind if I change the dish washing arrangements for you?”

“What do you mean Aud? I don’t do washing up here.”

“I have witnessed that. What I mean is would it upset you too much if one day, not today, I got a black bin sac and chucked all those pizza box trophies away that you are so fond of.”

“Now you’re taking the piss Audrey. You can please yourself what you do as long as you don’t ask me to do things around this garret. I only intend to kip here, not spend days inside. Since you’ve insisted on coming here, I think I’ve spent more waking hours here in the last month than I do in a whole year.”

“Fair enough Aiden. If you can give me a key to the passage and a free hand to do what I want then I promise not to bother you with any house chores, but you must promise not to criticise anything I do. Now cheer up and make some coffee. I’ve even brought some fresh milk and biscuits.”

“Sorry Aud, I just feel responsible for getting you into this mess. Where shall we go tonight?”

“Could you order a pizza for us and I’ll unpack. Then can you take me to the best pub in town. I want to check out what they are doing there to help Reg out with his new landlord.” They never got out that night. The charms of the settee were too great.

“OK Aud, I think we should get some sleep. I’m knackered. You take the bed upstairs. The electric blanket is switched on and I’ll sleep here on the settee.”

“You will not Mr. Aiden. You will be a gentleman and accompany me upstairs and snuggle up to me all night. After all, I believe I’m frightened of the rats and other monsters that could be lurking about here.”

“But, but….”

“No buts Aiden. I raided one of those machines on the wall in the gents’ toilet at The Red Lion and you’re going to show me and demonstrate what those things are used for. I’ve got an appointment at the clinic tomorrow to have one of those things stuck in my arm. Stops the monthly thing and keeps the stork away. Come on Aiden lead the way.”

For the next month Aiden enjoyed seeing Audrey in the role of homemaker. The floors were scrubbed, windows gleamed, boxes became side tables and every surface was scrubbed to an inch of its life. Standard lamps appeared, bare bulbs disappeared. Fresh flowers appeared, smelly pizza and take-away boxes disappeared. The place was gradually transformed but no mention was ever made. Even the door was fixed and Aiden received a spare key.

“Aiden, whilst you were away Chinese Momma came to see me.”

“What did she want here?”

“Don’t be like that Aiden. She is a very nice lady. She said very nice things about you. Said she looked out for you and now I have to. She told me your family in London could give you a lot of trouble.”

“Where did she get that from?”

“She didn’t enlarge but I suppose she wanted to warn you to be careful when you are there. The reason she came to see me was that her nephew is going to be the Business Manager for the new guy, who’s taken over the street. She said that she was so impressed the way I handled the stuff for Reg. I did tell you that she was taking over the catering contract at the Red Lion? She said I should go and see him one evening after work because he needs an assistant.”

“I thought you were happy in your job at Wilkinson’s Aud?”

“I am but you have kick started my ambitions Aiden. Anyway, I goes and sees this Ching Weng and he interviews me. Asks me what I would do in various situations. He seemed to like my answers, since he’s offered me a job, on a wage at double to what I get now.”

“That sounds good Aud. What else did he say?”

“Well, I wasn’t going to take the job on so easily so I told him that I didn’t want to sit in a stuffy office all day and type. He told me he wanted me to be out talking to people and making sure everything was being done as planned. I then said I’d still like to work at The Red Lion some evenings because I liked it there. And do you know what he said? He said that would be a good idea but I would be paid my normal wage not what Reg pays me and I could keep an eye on the place for the Company.”

“A sort of spy?”

“I did think that at first and I wasn’t keen but Ching said he wanted me to run the function room for Reg and occasionally help behind the bar when Reg was short. I then had the cheek to ask him, if I was doing all this, what he was going to do. He laughed and said it was a good question. He told me he was employed by the Company to ensure they made a good profit and that everything paid its way. He gave an example Aiden. He said that each square footage of space had to provide a return and he said toilets and corridors were just a cost. So, I impressed him by saying we could put vending machines in there and sell advertising on the walls. I got that from a salesman who visited Wilkies the other day.”

“That’s clever of you Aud. Did he tell you about this owner? Has he met him and do we know who he is?”

“I did ask him that but he had only met the Finance Director who is the Accountant across the road there. He did say that this Mr. Tyler was very busy making lots of money all over Europe and that we were unlikely to see him here. He has interests everywhere it seems.”

“At least we know his name. I only hope he doesn’t evict us from here and redevelop this hole.”

“I didn’t think of that. I’ll ask Ching when I see him next. He said I should give my notice in at work, take any holiday owing to me and then join him at the beginning of next month. By then he will have some offices ready for us.”

“You sound quite excited Aud. I hope it turns out well for you.”

“I am excited and thrilled in fact. Oh Aiden, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to rub it in that you have no job. Once we are settled then I shall ask Ching if he can find you something. Shall I do that?”

“I shouldn’t bother just yet Aud. I still have to go to my sis for some time. When that comes to an end then I might consider something but I’m thrilled for you and you don’t have to be concerned about me. I manage quite well thank you.”

“Oh, I love you Aiden. You’re such a gentleman.”

“Hey, I said that you can abuse my body but that you weren’t to go soppy on me Aud.”

“Sorry Aiden, but I can’t help it. Now that reminds me of something. Do you know what is behind our wall upstairs? The space over the Pizza Parlour”

“Some storerooms for the restaurant and Pizza place, why?”

“Well Momma took me there to show and told me this is what I should aspire to. Do you know, we are a breath away from one of the most fabulous apartments that I’ve ever heard of? Better than anything in the magazines. Everything is just so sleek and elegant. Momma looks after it for a businessman who uses it occasionally.”

“Why on earth did she take you there Aud?” said Aiden rather sharply.

“She said if I worked hard then I could have something like that. Do you know, I asked her why there was no TV and do you know what, she pressed a button and a huge plasma screen rose up like magic from behind a cabinet. It was fabulous.”

“So, you are planning to leave this grotty place?”

“No Aiden, I just love this home and love being with you. That place next door is just a showroom and rather cold. Not homely like here.”

“So, you enjoy the rats scuttling about?”

“I enjoy the monsters better Aiden so that we can cuddle up close in bed. That place had a huge, huge bed. It would take me half the night to find you. No, I’m very happy with my lot. Are you off next week again?”

“Yep, but not for long now. The kids will be going off to school full time and Sis won’t need me. I meant to ask you, how are you faring for baths and things?”

“No probs Aiden. I have a hospital bath in the plastic basin on the floor. Rub down with a sponge you know.”

“I’ll have to sneak out of bed and take a peak one morning.”

“Don’t Aiden, it embarrasses me that talk. Anyway, each week I sneak back into the house and have a bath and wash my clothes so I manage just as well as you do. Momma said I should go and use her facilities if I need. I send the bedding and towels to the laundrette. They even deliver it back for me. Come on take me out somewhere Aiden.”

Life suddenly went pear shaped for James Tyler. As he was about to push a thick envelope of cash into the night safe, the police pounced. At least the cabbie, not wanting to be involved, shot off with James’s case full of incriminating materials. The police now had access to his bank details and were able to view his huge transactions. At the trial, James Tyler, of no known abode, pleaded guilty of stealing a car and driving it into a warehouse in Slough. He also admitted that the huge sums he had banked were part of a money laundering racket and he was just a pawn. The police didn’t believe him but couldn’t prove anything. It came out in court that one of the gang, that the police had apprehended, had stolen a Range Rover, top of the range, and it had not one but two tracking devises. This led them to the warehouse in Slough and they set up surveillance. The cameras couldn’t identify James for certain, since he wore many different outfits, so he was accused of a lesser charge of stealing only one vehicle and money laundering.  James was remanded in custody for two years of which he was likely to serve only six months or so.

Chinese Momma came to see Audrey one evening and told her that Aiden had been involved in something bad with his family in London. Audrey wouldn’t see him for quite a while and Aiden didn’t want her to visit him in prison because he believed the police were still interested in his background and Aiden didn’t want Audrey to be involved. Audrey was devastated but, with a strong upper lip, carried on regardless in her new career and making house in the grotty place of Aiden’s, counting down the hours that he would be away.

It was thirteen months to the day that James was released and Aiden made his way back to Luton and to Audrey. Chinese Momma had pre-warned Audrey of his impending arrival and she excitedly prepared herself for the reunion. Ching, her boss, gave her the day off to prepare herself and try and contain her feelings. The separation had hurt her especially that she had been warned off visiting Aiden in jail. She didn’t know quite what to expect. Was this the end of the relationship or would they continue where they left off. Chinese Momma came to console her in her doubt and informed Audrey that Aiden would be arriving at Luton on the London train. Reg took time away from the bar to drive her to the station.

Audrey stood on the platform, biting her fingernail and looking for a Yankee cap bobbing up and down in the characteristic gait of Aiden’s.  James straightened his blue tie and smoothed down the collar of his white shirt. His dark blue suit smelled of stale mothballs and was slightly crumpled, having been stored in a box for over a year. His expensive brogues still glistened as he looked down to descend onto the dark concrete platform. He spied Audrey searching for him and bobbing up and down to get a clearer view of the arriving passengers. James strode purposefully towards her, quickly realising that she was looking for Aiden in his jeans, denim jacket, Yankee cap and a pronounced limp.

“Hello Audrey.”

“Aiden, I, I didn’t recognise you. I was looking for…”

“I know, I know. I hope you are not disappointed Audrey?”

“Give me a hug Aiden and reassure me that it is really you,” as Aiden gripped her in his arms and kissed her passionately. “You have changed Aiden. I didn’t recognise you. I’m sorry but I ….”

“No need to be sorry Audrey. They lost my clothes and this is the best they could do. Let me get rid of the jacket and tie. I only kept them on to keep warm.”

“But the limp and the shoes Aiden?”

“I took the opportunity to have some special treatment, more surgery and this time it was successful as you can see,” lied Aiden to keep up the pretence.

“You look great Aiden. Let me get you home. Reg is waiting in the car for us.”

“Look Audrey, I’d rather get rid of this strange garb. Let’s go to the town centre and let me buy some ordinary gear. I can’t go around the street like this.”

“But you look great Aiden, but I see your point.”

“Let’s slip out through the side entrance. Reg will get fed up and go home,” suggested Aiden as he wrapped his arm around Audrey lovingly and directed her out and towards the town centre, eager to become the old Aiden again, but without the limp. 

In dark blue jeans, white T-shirt and denim jacket he looked the normal local lad. Not the old Aiden because he had on his feet, a pair of equal sized trainers, having lost his limp and decided against the Yankee cap since Audrey had informed him that the old gang had gone their separate ways. He no longer wanted to be associated with them. They caught the sixty-three bus to the corner of the Red Lion and sauntered down the street with Audrey proudly pointing out the changes. Flower baskets adorned every lamp post and hung from every building. Chairs and tables stood outside many shops giving the street a Continental air even though this was on the outskirts of Luton. The street seemed busier with younger people and even businessmen laden with shopping. They reached the Pizza Parlour and Aiden immediately noticed that the wooden door to his alley had been replaced and set back, by a smart doorway with glass panels. The passage had been painted white and the dim lighting had been replaced by neat, bright steel uplighters. The mucky courtyard had also been transformed. The bins were screened off and the brick walls painted white. Even the flagstones had been burnished to a nice buff colour. Against the walls stood elegant planters with expensive looking shrubs all growing tall. A wrought iron table and two chairs stood by the door to his former garret.

Audrey didn’t say a thing about the transformation and urged Aiden in through the door. Inside had also received the Audrey treatment and he could hardly recognise the place other that it was still cramped. The term ‘bijou’ came to his mind but he wasn’t allowed to observe further improvements as Audrey clamped her arms around in a passionate embrace.

“Aiden, it’s so good to have you back. I’ve missed you so much. I hated the fact I couldn’t contact you. Chinese Momma said it would be for the best and she kept me informed about your well being.”

“I’m glad to be back Aud, to be out of that place and here with you. I don’t want to talk about the last year. It’s all behind me and really sorry that we couldn’t communicate.”

“Chinese Momma kept telling me it was for the best. She said you didn’t want the authorities to know that you lived in Luton here, and that you would want to start a new life when you came back. I respected that.”

“Thanks Aud. It was just as difficult for me as for you. The Police still think I live in London at my sister’s address.”

“But won’t they come looking for you? Do you have to report in and things?”

“I do but I’ll nip down to London on those occasions until they stop bothering me. I see you’ve made some changes around here Aud. I don’t recognise the place.”

“I hope you don’t mind Aiden. I only did it because I thought we would find ourselves a better place eventually anyway. I’ll tell you more later. I bet you are starving?”

“I am. As they saying goes, ‘I could devour a dead horse that had died of smallpox between two straw mattresses.’ Let’s go and eat somewhere.”

“Hang on Aiden. I want you all to myself this day. I’ve ordered a Chinese take-away and I have a bottle of champagne in the fridge. In fact two bottles, one for later when you take me upstairs. I’ll get the table ready if you would do the honours with the bubbly Aiden. Give me a cuddle and kiss first though. Oh, I’ve missed you so much.”

Aiden wolfed down the Chinese greedily as Audrey ladled his plate with loving kindness and took little sips of champagne. 

“Come on Aiden, you can’t eat any more, can you? Sorry to hurry you but I have a date upstairs with you and I can’t wait any longer,” urged Audry as Aiden downed the last mouthful, waved his hand to refuse any more and pushed his chair back which was the sign Audrey was waiting for.

“Last in bed is a sissy!” shouted Aiden as Audrey grabbed hold of his arm and pointed to the fridge where the second bottle of bubbly was secreted. That gave her a head start to rush up the now newly carpeted stairs whilst Aiden followed with the bottle and glasses.

“Aiden are you awake?” whispered Audrey as she cuddled up to him.

“Yes Aud. You want to abuse my body again?”

“Well not just yet. I want to tell you something so listen me out. This is only a proposal and you are free to say no.”

“Fire away Aud and don’t spare the horses.”

“You know the luxury apartment next door?”

“Yep.”

“Well Ching Weng, my boss, has moved in there. That leaves his two-bed flat above the florist free. I think we should move in there. Give us more space and be more comfortable. What do you think Aiden?”

“Sounds fine to me but what about the rent? I’m still without a job you know.”

“I can afford the rent on my money, no probs. But there is a vacancy at the laundrette and I asked Ching to consider you for that and he said yes. So, what do you think of that?”

“Sounds promising. A job will at least keep the authorities off my back and I’ll be able help with the rent. I presume you have seen the flat Aud? Is it OK?”

“It’s more than OK Aiden. Ching is leaving most of his furniture behind so it’s fully furnished and it’s got a huge king sized bed.”

“I’m not sure I want a bigger bed than this.”

“That reminds me Aiden, we have some unfinished business still.”

The following day Aiden went to view the flat and approved to Audrey’s delight, then went to see Ching Weng who offered him a job on a temporary basis to be made full time after a month’s probation. The job at the laundrette wasn’t to Aiden’s liking but he showed his mechanical skills at repairing the machines and driers. Ching made him an offer as a maintenance man for the Company where he would do odd jobs for all the shops and offices, along the street, making sure that everything was in working order. This suited Aiden two-fold. Firstly, it was more interesting and secondly, he could keep an eye on his domain without anyone suspecting that he was the absent owner. Audrey was the second source of information as she recounted in detail her daily tasks and the interaction with Ching, her boss. 

“Aiden, do you know we had a letter from the rich owner of the street. Ching says he must be a cute cookie because his comments are so precise and pertinent as if he was here in person.”

“What do you mean Aud?”

“Well, you know, I send him a detailed report every month and include suggestions from Ching and also some of my own which Ching approves of course. Well, he seems to understand the issues without spelling them out for him and his decisions to invest more money seem to hit the spot each time. Ching and I don’t know how he does it. We wonder how he finds the time to consider each point we put forward. He must be busy with bigger things than us on this street. At least he is investing and not just creaming off the profits.”

“You must provide him with excellent information Aud. Do you know that I learned how to read financial spread sheets when I was doing my time at her Majesties Pleasure recently? It opened my eyes to business ways and how to spot investment opportunity. Not that it’s going to help me in my maintenance job. When do you reckon Ching will approve the van for me? I spend too much time carrying tools and spares than on real work.”

“I’ll have a word with him tomorrow, Aiden.”

“Make sure we can use it at the weekends Aud. Would save us hiring a car when we need to.”

Aiden was installing new tills at the Red Lion when he spotted Jazzer creeping in and seating himself deep in one of the bays, well out of public gaze. He decided to have a word with him after he had completed his job.

“Hi Jazzer, how yer doing?”

“If you’ve come to gloat Spaz then yer can just fuck off?” answered Jazzer glowering at Aiden.

“Come off it Jazzer. Just came over to say ‘Hi’ to an old pal. You know I’ve been away for a while. Can I get you a drink?”

“Sorry Spaz, I’m just a bit down. I could do with a drink though.” Aiden went back to the bar and brought over two bottles and sat opposite Jazzer noting that he looked particularly scruffy.

“You look as if you’ve fallen on bad time Jazzer. What have you been up to?”

“Naught much Spaz. Doing this and that,” replied Jazzer pulling greedily at his bottle.

“You still living at home Jazzer?”

“Nah. Got kicked out. Ma’s got a new boyfriend and he doesn’t like me.”

“So where are you staying Jazzer?”

“Here and there. Came in here to warm up. Kicked me out of the library, didn’t they.”

“Are you in work?”

“How can I be? No address so the buggers have stopped me dole and allowances. I’m right stuffed. Lend us a few bob Spaz? I’ll pay you back.”

“OK Jazzer I’ll order you a pizza and I can do something to help you out. I can get you a job here on the street cleaning windows, watering the pots and doing odd jobs and I can find you some place to stay but you’ll have to promise not to fuck about and to do a proper day’s work.”

“Hey Spaz, I’d clean out shit houses if they’ll pay me and put a roof over me head.”

“You’ll be working for me Jazzer so don’t let me down. You stay here and wait for the pizza and I’ll go and see the boss. Be back in an hour or so.”

“Thanks a million Spaz. I owe you.”

“OK Jazzer but just one point that you may not have noticed. Lose the ‘Spaz.’ It’s ‘Aiden’ from now on.”

“Right Aiden, I won’t let you down,” answered Jazzer with a half smile as he watched Aiden walk away without a hint of a limp.

     

Life continued nicely for Aiden and Audrey. They both had jobs, a spacious new flat and a set of wheels to explore the Bedfordshire countryside at the weekends. Jazzer settled to the job of window cleaner and chief gardener for the street, living in Aiden’s former abode. Aiden couldn’t come up with a credible plan to reveal his true identity and at this time he wasn’t sure he wanted to but he had a plan to improve their lot.

“Aiden, Aiden!” Shouted Audrey as Aiden walked into their apartment.

“Hey, what’s the excitement? Hang on Aud, let me wash up first,” as Aiden peeled Audrey away from an amorous embrace. “I’ve been unblocking toilets at the pub!”

“Never mind Aiden, you’ll survive. Now listen to this. I’ve come home early to tell you the news.”

“Don’t tell me you’re pregnant Aud?”

“No such luck Aid but even better, for us, at the moment. You know Ching is away for a few days and he asked me to look after his mail. This morning, I opened an Email from our Big Chief, Mr. Bloody James Tyler no less.”

“Should you have done that Aud? Won’t you get into trouble?”

“Ching said I should and he often asks me to sort out his Email and get rid of his Spam and rubbish mail. Anyway, I read the mail which was very businesslike, but the last part dealt with you and me. Listen to this Aid, I have a printout, ‘Please thank your PA Audrey for her concise reports and I particularly like the photographs she is sending to illustrate her points and suggestions. I think it’s time you put her on a salary payroll with a substantial pay rise.’”

“Hey, that’s great Aud. We’ll go and celebrate at the Chinese once I get cleaned up.”

“Hang on a mo Aid. It gets better. Listen to this next bit. ‘I understand an Estate Agent with a letting sideline is currently renting one of our premises. This is an opportunity to extend our portfolio of properties to include residential lettings. The returns are good and there’s long term capital appreciation to consider. I would like to expand to some fifty properties, mainly for professional people and a few for student lets.’”

“There’s nothing new in that Aud. Ching has already mentioned this before.”

“Hey! Just stop interrupting me Aid. It gets better. Listen to this, ‘I notice on the accounts that our maintenance man Aiden is working an extreme amount of overtime. He seems more than competent and enthusiastic. We need to tie him into the Company somehow. I suggest that you again put him on a salary payroll with a pay rise and title of Maintenance Manager. He can extend his responsibility to ensuring the good state of all of our current and future properties. He will need additional staff.’ There’s another bit of interest. Listen to this, ‘You should consider these two in your succession planning for the future not that I would like you to move on, but one never knows what the future might bring.’  Isn’t that brilliant Aiden! Come here and give me a hug. I don’t care if you are up to your eyeballs in shit. Ugh, you do smell a bit ripe. Get a shower and let’s get celebrating.”