The Identical Twins
The Family were in disarray until Bruno took control. Many had been incarcerated for various crimes, killed off during feuds, defected or just plain faded away. The Authorities had targeted them big time and there was no place to hide. Bruno guided the remnants into legitimate business by buying an old canning plant in Newark and turning sub-grade meat into pet food to be sold in Nationwide stores. Store buyers were encouraged to supply their outlets in the old-fashioned way of bribery and threats. Nothing much had changed there. The business thrived and the Family maintained a modicum of respectability and now even paid their dues and taxes to the proper quarters. The only remnants of their past was the maintenance of their clubhouse in the suburbs which provided them with some solace and some extra income from the more public side of the place. The plant was run on cheap, daily hired labour and a supply of raw materials shipped in from afar. Afar as Europe, Africa, Asia and even Columbia but the latter source never appeared on the bills of lading. Bruno had promised his soldiers millions of dollars in bonus to be distributed only after five years had passed and in the meantime, they had to keep their noses clean and heads well below the parapet, appearing as good clean living US citizens for a change.
“Boss, Boss we have a problem!”
“I heard Angelo, you don’t have to go on and repeat it over and over again. I don’t see a problem, so you better explain, quick!”
“Well Boss, the Columbians have picked up a guy snooping about the canning plant last night, when they were canning their special samples. We put him in the freezer overnight.”
“Is he dead?”
“No Boss, they wanted to interview him.”
“And?”
“Well Boss, he confessed he was an FBI agent. Part of their drug enforcement team.”
“How the hell did you let him into the plant?”
“Well boss he just came in with a bunch of casual labour that we employ on a daily basis.”
“I know that, Angelo. We don’t keep any records on them. They come for the day, get paid and fuck off. So, what’s the problem?”
“But what do we do with him? We can’t just let him walk out; can we Boss?”
“No Angelo, we can’t. Question one, why didn’t our security spot him first?”
“They did but he said he was part of the team in the special canning group.”
“So, they checked with the Columbians, didn’t they?”
“No and Yes Boss.”
“So now we have a potential problem with both the FBI and the Columbians. Why am I surrounded by idiots? Have you fired the security guys?”
“No Boss, but the Columbians want to know what we are going to do about it? They were not very happy bunch when I left them.”
“Has he been paid for the days work Angelo?”
“Sure, we paid him, still had the money on him.”
“Well, if it’s recorded in the book then there’s no problem. Just dispose of him.”
“But he’s FBI.”
“Yes, but he got paid and left, as far as we are concerned. He left with the rest. They don’t all go at once, so he left the factory gates on his own we’ll say.”
“Yes, boss but..”
“Where is this guy? Bring him here now.”
“He’s in the freezer Boss.”
“Bring him here immediately, plus a plastic sheet to cover the floor and bring a body bag.”
“Yes Boss, I’ll do that straight away,” answered Angelo looking worried and rushed out of the large office.
“What’s got into the guy, Luiggi? He normally handles this stuff with no problem. I expect all you guys to handle these without my intervention. Am I getting soft with you guys? We have to run a tight ship here especially when the Columbians are directly involved. They don’t want to be part of any of our internal issues. Do you get that Luiggi?”
“Yes, Boss but the FBI angle threw him and the Columbians were very insistent.”
“Fucking excuses, that’s all I get from you guys. You all need to buck up, toe the line and get the simple job done.”
“Yes Boss, here is Angelo with the FBI guy. Where do you want him Boss?”
“I want him in the fucking meat grinder and canned as soon as possible, to get rid of the evidence. Now help Angelo spread the sheeting. Don’t want any mess on the carpet. That’ll do Luiggi, now give me your gun. Hell, this fucking thing doesn’t work!”
“You need the safety off Boss.”
“I’ve got the safety off but it just clicked. For Christ’s sake Angelo, finish him off with your gun, in the head, close to, to cut down on the mess.”
“Haven’t you got a gun Boss?”
“What do I need a gun for? I have all the artillery I need with my guys downstairs. Now roll him up and stuff him in that body bag. I want him in the grinder ASAP. Call a maintenance break, get everybody out and get him in the hopper. I’ll wait here. I need to make some calls. When you’re finished, we’ll all go to the main plant office. I have some good news and bad for you all.”
“Sellers, is that you? What have you got for me?”
“Hello Mr. Bruno, I think we have a candidate. I’ve circulated all the local papers in ten States, with the large inheritance as a draw and I have come up with a lot of dross as expected and..”
“Get on with it Sellers, I just need the facts.”
“Yes Mr. Bruno. I have found a guy who is a spitting image. Bit more flamboyant with peroxide hair and flashy suits but face for face, he is a complete match. I’m sure he is your lost brother. I will send you some photos.”
“Do that Sellers and have him go to Chicago and suddenly divert him to Newark. Keep him off the phone. Not to contact anyone. You’ve got that Sellers?”
“Yes Mr. Bruno. I will baby sit him all the way for you.”
“Get him here for Thursday night.”
“Who’s this new tart you have here Beni?”
“She’s my new secretary Angie, Boss.”
“She’s a right looker Beni! Come on Angie, bare your ass for Uncle Bruno.”
“Please Boss, we can’t treat our staff like that.”
“Whadayamean Beni? Why the fuck do you employ a good-looking bitch like that if she won’t bare her ass?”
“Please Boss, you’re embarrassing her.”
“Fuck you Beni, she’s got my pecker going and it needs relief. She either bares her ass or you replace her with an ugly bitch. Look Beni, I’ll be spurting soon and I don’t want to spoil my new suit. If she won’t do it, then Beni you’d better perform or I’ll have to sack the both of you!”
“Please Boss, we have to roll with the times.”
“Fuck the times Beni, now what is it to be? Beni you are a lucky sod, Angie has come to save you from an embarrassing moment. OK doll, just lean over the desk. No, don’t go away boys. This won’t take long. Bruno is no longer into marathons, not even half marathons. That’s it girl just ease me in and take it gently. Now guys when have you had this place swept?”
“We do it weekly Boss and just before you came today. Two different Companies so a double check. The place is clean. No one is allowed in the room and only you and me have the keys.”
“That’s it Angie, me girl, just catch my rhythm. So, we are clean, no bugs or spies to eavesdrop on us?”
“No Boss. When you are here, we turn on this sound wave machine that double protects our conversation.”
“I like that Beni. Right girl, pass me that box of tissues. That feels better. Beni, give the girl a bonus in her pay packet. Now let’s get down to business. Angie, organise some coffees for us and a bottle of Beni’s best bourbon that he hides away. Now Luiggi, you have something to disclose. Come on, share it with us and it’s not the mess we left in your plant.”
“Sorry Boss, don’t know what you’re getting at?”
“You know what I’m getting at Luiggi! Your fucking mop headed bitch of a wife has just bought herself a spanking new, gleaming, red, fucking Mustang! That’s what I’m getting at. Get rid and have more sense.”
“But Boss, it’s her own money. Her money, left by her mother.”
“I don’t fucking care whose fucking money she spends. You all know the rules, we keep off the radar, we keep our heads down. We are the good boys on the block.”
“Yes Boss, but the other families laugh at us and think we have gone soft.”
“I don’t care! You don’t care what the fucking other families think. I, today, have deposited another fucking million dollars in each of your piggy accounts. I don’t have to be a fucking accountant to tell you how rich each of you are or do I need to spell it out?”
“No Boss!”
“No Boss! No Boss, is that all you can say, then you know the rules? You all agreed to five years of legit business, then you all can take your millions and scarper. Do what you like, join whatever family you like but until then we keep a clean house, capice?”
“Yes Boss!”
“Dino, I hear your kid son is snorting drugs!”
“He’s only experimenting Boss, no harm.”
“That’s where you are wrong Dino. Harm to him and greater harm to us. I don’t want no Authority starting investigations on any of us. I don’t want IRS, Drug Squad, Police, Child Abuse, any fucking Authority within sniffing distance. Don’t give them an excuse. Don’t give them any opportunity to check us out. Do you all get that?”
“Yus Boss!”
“Now Primo, what is your wife getting up to? I hear she is sleeping around and with your knowledge!”
“She wants a divorce Boss, sez its mental cruelty having all that cash and not being able to spend it.”
“What’s she got between the ears? Cotton wool? How much does she know about our less than legal operation? How much has she got out of you apart from your millions?”
“Don’t know boss.”
“If it comes to a divorce, arrange a tragic accident for her, can’t have this info getting out before time!”
“Yes Boss!”
“Now let’s get to business. Angelo, have you sorted out that buyer yet?”
“Yes Boss, did as you suggested, a bit of extra sweetener with a threat attached. He’ll take another thousand cases a week of dog and cat food. No problem, Boss.”
“Luiggi, when is the next assignment due?”
“On the twenty fourth Boss. The ship docks evening from Spain, a consignment of low-grade pork. A new supplier Boss and totally kosher. Approved by the Columbians. They have their man in Algeciras load the stuff in the containers for us.”
“Right Luiggi, now all of you, be extra careful from now on. We’ve had to put an FBI agent through a grinder so there could be some enquiry. They may even send in somebody else so keep an eye on the workers and no straying from the work area. I want security to be top notch but don’t over do it, just keep them on their toes.”
“Boss, what happens to our money if anything should happen to you Boss?”
“I wondered when some fucker would ask? When the five years are up, then you will each automatically get a key to a safe deposit box, from our Lawyers. You won’t have to curse me in hell. Up to that point I’m responsible for you all. Yes Angelo.”
“Just wondering Boss, with all this secrecy and keeping low, we run the flop house?”
“Right guys, just listen up. No self-respecting Agent is going to think we have gone totally legit. We make good money on our canning business and they know that. We don’t hide anything from the IRS.”
“Why don’t they close us down?”
“Our private family club and the flop house next door, they see as providing us with light relief. Screwing tarts keeps us off screwing the public, that’s how they view it. It just shows them that we have to keep our hand in on some illegit business so that they can keep a lazy eye on us. Right guys, back to work and take heed of what has been said. I need to make some calls now.”
“Sellers, where is my double now?”
“We are in the Hilton having lunch this very moment Mr. Bruno.”
“Two things’ Sellers. Get me a wig exactly like the hair of this guy so I can take picture of myself for comparison. Get that to me this afternoon. I then want you to check the guy out of the hotel tonight and get a cab to the bar on the corner of twenty second and sixtieth. Drop him off and scarper. I’ll pick him up from there.”
“Yes Mr. Bruno!”
“Hi, I’m Bruno, you must be Glen. I’ve seen your picture. Has Mr. Sellers been looking after you well?”
“What’s all this about, we were to meet in Chicago and that bastard Sellers wouldn’t even let me make a phone call home.”
“He did right Glen. There’s a lot of people wanting a bite at the money and we have to be careful.”
“How much is it and when do I get it?”
“Patience Glen, some patience. We first need to double check that you are my twin brother. Let’s get off the street. Let me take your bag, I have a cab waiting to take you to my apartment. Come on Glen, I have a feeling that this might be straight forward.”
“Hey Bruno, I’m feeling very sleepy. Have you drugged me or something?”
“You’re just relaxing Glen, you’ve had a busy day. Just settle down and have a nap if you want to. Just feel at home.”
“I can’t keep my eyes open. Bruno….”
“Brilliant, the silly fucker is asleep at last. Now I’ll have to change him into my clothes, easier him being alive than dead. Shit! I need to ring the boys. Hello Don, are you four at Sid’s?”
“Yes Boss, can’t you hear the racket?”
“I don’t need you boys tonight so enjoy yourselves. Bring me in the usual lunch box at one tomorrow.”
“Yes Boss, have a good night.”
“Right, where in the hell have I put the pipette? Now calm down Bruno, this thing is working like clockwork. Ah, here it is, now just blow plenty of this powder up his nostrils, a bit at a time. The fucker better not sneeze it all out. Good, he’s taking it. That’s it Glen my boy just absorb the stuff. If you only knew how much this quantity cost on the streets, you’d probably die of a heart attack, but this will do just as well. Now Glen, let me try your coat on, not a bad fit. The wig looks bloody awful though. There, much better with a cap on. Come on Glen, a little more, it will do you good, I don’t think. No pulse, sorry Glen or should I say Bruno or call you Boss. Now I need to go through the check list. All his clothes in the bag, to be incinerated. No jewellery of his on him, only mine. The pipette smashed and also in the bag. Bloody peroxide hair shaved off to the dark roots just like mine. Plenty stuff on the table with my credit card in his hand. What a foolish way to go Glen and who would suspect that Bruno the Boss was helping himself to the shop? Check the pulse, leave the keys on the desk. The door will slam shut and double lock when I leave. Bye Bruno. The CCTV will pick up Glen leaving at nine with his bag and Bruno will be having his usual bourbon on the rocks and watching some dirty stuff until bedtime.”
“One ticket for the sleeper coach to St Louis.”
“Cash or plastic?”
“Cash, thanks. What time does it leave and which bay?”
“I only sell tickets here, not a fucking directory!”
“Have a good day! I’ll work that for myself.”
By roundabout means, Bruno had made his way to the lakes and swamp area to lie low for a few years, in Tennessee. He had rented a cabin on a lake’s side, with a boat and took up fishing and a spot of hunting, with a pair of dogs that also provided him with a modicum of security. Being there all the time, rather than just a weekender, he got pretty good and kept a number of well stocked freezer cabinets full with game as well as hefty packs of dollars beneath. He kept himself to himself, with minimal socialisation with the locals but appeared friendly at all times to avoid any suspicion. If pressed, he quoted that he was recovering from a grave illness and had to be careful. He shopped for his provisions at different stores at a distance to avoid being recognised as a regular but at times he baulked at his home cooking and took a chance at busy highway eateries.
“I’m fucking famished and I can’t wait all the time to get back to the cabin to fry up some usual crap. There’s a highway truck stop soon, advertising ‘The best gumbo in Tennessee,’ I’ll check it out. It doesn’t look too busy.”
“Hi Mister, only one?”
“Yes Miss, that table at the back please.”
“Be my guest, can I fetch you a drink?”
“A large coffee and a large bowl of you’re gumbo and some…”
“Yes Sir, the sour dough comes with it.”
“Hi there, I’m Mary-Louise, I run this joint. In fact, I own it. You’re a regular here, can I top you up with coffee. There you go. What’s you name partner?”
“Ron Tailor ma-am.”
“Call me Mary-Louise, Ron. Let me join you for a cup. We’re not so busy at the moment. You’re not from these parts Ron, I can tell by your accent.”
“Chicago and New York, come down for some peace and quiet.”
“Plenty of that about here Ron. Alice! Alice bring the gentleman a nice large portion of blackened redfish. You’ll like that Ron, better than the gumbo.”
“Thanks but….”
“It’s on the house Ron. Now tell me, where are you hiding the missus?”
“Haven’t got one?”
“What, a good-looking feller like you? Alice tells me you are the spitting image of my late husband, the bastard. Took off and never came back. Picked up an enquiry in the paper for some long-lost brother who’d been left a fortune. Did look like him though on the photo. Never heard from him since, probably took off with some floozie and the fortune left to him. Enjoy your fish. You do really remind me of him, but he was far more flamboyant, and with a heavy Southern drawl and foppish hair. See you around Ron. Try the clam chowder next time, better than the gumbo.”
