Renton Junior (Part 1 of 3)

Chapter 1

The horrific crashing noise plus a severe bang to the head woke me up with a start. I could see stars and bright lights and as these dissipated, I felt a huge weight pressing down on me, trying to crush me flat. Fortunately, I had been sleeping on my side, so my face was in a void and I could breathe. Although the air was musty, smelling of old wet cardboard and I was slowly suffocating, particularly with the weight on my chest and legs, I panicked and started to struggle but that only seemed to make matters worse, with the weight on top of me getting heavier and heavier. I needed to stop and think. The ceiling in the basement flat must have collapsed and the musty cloying smell must be the damp wallpaper. My right arm was trapped behind me and beneath my legs. By rolling over slowly to my right, I was able to free up my arm to allow some movement and relief, as the blood started circulating again and taking away the numbness. I needed help but who was going to find me in this predicament, only the landlord and he wasn’t due until the end of the month. No one knew I lived in this horrible basement garret. I was ashamed of it. Its only purpose was it was dirt cheap and now I had paid fully for that privilege. I started to laugh but my chest hurt and the weight seemed to be more pressing. I had to do something otherwise I would be entombed for ever, until the rats made a meal of me but even they had abandoned these damp dingy premises. The landlord’s remarks about keeping the place heated and well-ventilated rung heavily in my ears. I only slept there and kept a few possessions that wouldn’t rust. I needed the money to pay off my considerable debts and I wasn’t going to waste it on accommodation or expensive heating. Sleeping on couches at friends was boring and I didn’t need the feeling of indebtedness around my neck. Shacking up with the girlfriend was an option at one time but again I could feel the shackles of that arrangement. Probably better than being shackled under this pile of rubble I thought.

I pulled my left arm which was beneath me, up to my face and started to poke my finger through the damp smelly wall paper covering. It wasn’t a good idea because suffocating dust came through the hole and made breathing nigh on impossible. I quickly blocked the hole with a bit of my sheet. Somehow, I needed to slip off the bed and onto the floor. I could then slip under the bed and at least I would be safer and without the weight pressing down on me. By careful wriggling I found I was able to move without the rubble settling down on me. I eventually managed to get my behind over the edge of the bed and I found myself slipping down onto the floor with a bump, with my knees and feet still trapped on the bed. I must have slipped into a natural void by the side of the bed but at least I could breathe freely and could move my arms. Silly me I thought. The idea of crawling under the bed was preposterous since the bed was a large settee set into a shallow alcove. An anorexic mouse would think twice about trying that trick. That brought my mind to my current girlfriend. Wondered what she was doing at this moment, certainly not thinking of me under a pile of rubble. In the void I could turn my head so I craned it upwards and along the void and I could detect daylight. Having got this far it didn’t seem much of a problem to get out or so I thought when suddenly I could hear shrill ringing in my ears. Was it the blow to my head causing it or was it something else? I shook my head rapidly in the confined space, trying desperately to rid myself of the noise when I suddenly burst into laughter, recognising the noise as being my alarm clock bidding me up, ready to start another day at the office. It was eight o’clock and I should be up, boiling a kettle on the gas, making my first life saving cup of coffee in the morning, getting the geyser going for a quick wash, shave and getting dressed before freezing to death in the squalid basement but instead I was trapped under a pile of rubble wondering if I would ever get out.

It took another half an hour of wriggling, swearing and pulling before I extricated myself from the tomb. I sat on the floor, gulping air and shivering with cold and probably fright, before I could bring myself to stand up. I limped to the door, rubbing my bruised legs and turned on the light to survey the damage. To my consternation it didn’t look too bad at all. I expected all the ceiling and half of the ground floor to be lying over my bed. The paper on the wall was damaged yes and a small chunk of ceiling had come away but the main damage was to the plaster on the wall inside of the alcove, beside my bed or settee to give it a more appropriate name. The whole wall or at least the layers of wallpaper and great thickness of plaster had all come away, hinged over the back of the settee and settled in a pile onto the bed with me underneath. I expected to see total devastation, the result of a V2 rocket, not just a neat pile of soggy wallpaper and plaster neatly heaped onto my bed and floor. Not even any dust, my white shirt and suit hung there immaculate and mocking me, on hangers over the wardrobe door. I was disappointed. There was no great story to tell of how Renton was stuck under a pile of rubble for ten days, sustained on drips of water and chewing his leather slipper. In fact, it was all of an embarrassment to find myself in this silly situation. If I reported this to my landlord, he would just laugh and say it was my fault for not heating the place. I remembered I was cold and set about my daily ablutions with a bit more thoroughness and vigour, after inspecting myself for visible signs of damage. Apart from a little hidden bruising the only damage was to my ego.

I arrived late at the office in the City and had to explain that a wall had collapsed in my flat, nothing much but I had to deal with it before my landlord threw me out. This brought on a lot of guffaws from my work mates and ribald comments about the party I must have had last night and why had they been excluded from the event, when I had to remind them, I had been with them clubbing, all last night. Harold took pity on me, taking me aside and telling me of a Polish builder he had working for him on his house who could assess the damage and maybe even repair it. I arranged to meet this chap at my flat over the lunch hour and then went back to my desk to earn a crust.

As the taxi pulled over to the curb, I spied a man in bright blue pullover, jeans and scuffed boots leaning against the railings of the basement, smoking a thin fag, obviously a self roll. As I paid off the cab, he squashed the stub with his boot and held out a hand. “Hi, I’m Stasiek, you must be Mr. Renton. You have a problem,” he said with a broad East European accent.

“Hi,” I answered finding my hand firmly and totally enveloped by his, “Yes, I do have a problem. Glad you could come so promptly.”

“Harold said you had a wall fall and needed some advice. Show me.”

“Right then, come down to my basement and you can see the mess I’m in. How do you say your name, again?”

“Sta-siek, ‘siek’ is soft like in sheep, Stasiek. Most people call me Stas, last ‘S’ soft, Polish.”

“OK ‘Stashiek’, let me show you the problem.”

“You have big problem here, or how do you say it? ‘Bigger’ problem. You need more heat and ventilation, too damp.”

“OK, OK Stasiek, I know but I can’t afford to feed the meter. It would cost me a fortune.”

“OK Mr. Renton. You leave me key, I fix for you. See you tonight.” With that he ushered me out and somewhat bewildered, I caught a taxi back to the office.

That evening, I skipped off early and gave my excuses for not meeting up at the pub and going off somewhere to eat with my colleagues, as was usual. I arrived at my basement flat, expecting the worst, especially when I found the door wide open. “Hello, anybody in?” I shouted as I strode through the door to be hit by an unaccustomed wall of hot air. Stasiek was there lolling in my armchair, drinking a mug of my coffee. He got up, took a last gulp and plonked the cup in the sink.

“Why you live in this lousy place? You earn lots of money, why you live here? Mr. Harold lives in nice house.”

“Yeah, I know Stasiek, but I’m broke.” I pulled out my trouser pockets in the universal gesture of poverty. “I owe lots of money and I need to pay it back. I can’t afford anything better just yet.”

“Sorry Mr. Renton but this is no good. Damp bad for chest,” he said beating his palm on his huge chest to make the point stronger. “You need heat and ventilation to live,” he said turning off a large industrial heater. I then noticed that all the rubble had gone and the lino had been mopped and cleaned. The hole in the ceiling had been plastered over and the bricks in the alcove, now exposed were clean and shiny. “Look Mr. Renton, I show you,” as he took my arm and guided me to one bar electric fire. “You leave on all time. No switch off. You understand?”  He then guided me to the meter and with his finger followed the cable along the wall and up through the ceiling where I noticed the paper had been pulled away. The finger then went along the ceiling to the corner and down to the floor where there was a socket that I hadn’t noticed before. “I fix,” he said proudly and plugged in the fire which immediately gave off a dusty burning smell. I wasn’t too impressed so far until he revealed, “I fix. No meter. Wire behind paper. No see. You burn all day, you no pay.” He then gripped my arm and took me to the window where the top light was slightly open. “Leave open. Ventilation good. I screw down. No thieves.” He said pointing at the screw which held the window latch firmly. He then gripped my arm again and guided me to the gas meter then to the water geyser and ran his finger along the lead gas pipe, pointing out that now it led to a junction, way before the meter and carefully hidden by the wallpaper. He winked and said laughingly, “You now wash in hot water free and in warm from electricity free,” digging me in the ribs with his elbow. “Now I show you ‘piece de resistance’,” and proceeded to pull the sofa, my bed, away from out of the alcove. He beckoned me across as he took a small torch out of his pocket and started removing bricks from the wall and stacking them neatly onto the floor. “Come look. How you say, Aladdin’s Cave,” he said with a smile. I took the torch and looked through the gap into the gloom and eventually my eyes focused on a huge, cavernous space. “Big, big cellar full of shit,” he uttered. I admit it didn’t smell too wholesome.

“OK Stasiek, what is it? What are you showing me?” I asked looking at him questioningly.

“Mr. Renton, you buy this lousy basement and cellar for how you say, ‘peanuts’ and I convert to luxury flat for you. You sell, make lots of money. I do for you Mr. Renton.”

“OK Stasiek but I will need planning permission and where will I live in the meantime?”

“Mr. Renton. No problem. You live here. I do the work there. You make lots of money and buy nice house like Mr. Harold.”

“OK Stasiek, but what if the landlord doesn’t want to sell?”

“Mr. Renton, you go to all landlords and offer price for basement and cellar. You go.”

“Right but I need to think about this. Where is the money coming from and who is going to get planning permission for all of this? I’m too busy to do all this.”

“Mr. Renton, you work for big bank with Mr. Harold. He get cheap money from bank. I do plans and go to Town Hall. I do all for you. No problem, Mr. Renton.”

“But what if we don’t get planning permission to convert, then I’ll be stuck with this rotten place for ever.”

“Listen Mr. Renton, you pay good money for basement, cellar will be free. I fix that you get no planning first time so you get good price.”

“So, what’s the point of applying for planning permission in the first place?”

“How you say it in English, ‘slowly, slowly catch ye monkey.’ You get lower price. Mr. Renton, you come with me and see back of house. Come see.” With that he guided me up the street and pointed out the names of the landlords emblazoned on the ‘To Let’ and ‘For Sale’ notices that I had to note the phone number down in my pocket diary. We turned the corner and came across some rusty railings. There was a gate that had rusted closed but Stasiek pointed to a gap in the railings and urged me through. The whole back of the houses was infested with weeds, brambles and rubbish, with an odd tree sprouting up here and there. There were signs that there was a footpath down the middle between the rows of the terraces but that had long since disappeared under a luxuriant growth of brambles. I followed Stasiek as he meandered through the thick undergrowth as he counted off the houses.

“Mr. Renton, this your cellar. Look, rubbish grow here, up wall. Damp all way up.”

“I can see that but those walls don’t look too good. Isn’t there a danger of them collapsing and bringing the whole building down?”

“Yes Mr. Renton, all fall down like Humpty Dumpty. How you say it Mr. Renton, when you buy cellar you have ‘Ace up sleeve’ and you can make lots of money.”

“All I can see is lots of expense. What’s the good of falling walls Stasiek?”

“How you say, we ‘resubmit’ plans and big man in Council cannot refuse or house come falling down.”

“You are a devious bugger Stasiek. Where did you learn all this?”

“I architect and builder in Poland, I know building.”

“Why are you over here then, working as a jobbing builder?”

“I like you Mr. Renton, no money. I earn more in Londonas workman than Architect in Poland.”

“OK Stasiek, I will go along with you but I need to check my finances and see how much the Bank will lend me.”

“Mr. Renton, I help, I have money. I save lots of money.”

“Why can’t you do this on your own? You seem to have all the knowledge and building experience, eh?”

“It is difficult Mr. Renton. How you say, I am ‘illegal,’ no work permit. I work underground in how you say, ‘Black Economy’ you understand?”

“Perfectly Stasiek. Look, if you want to invest in this venture then that’s fine by me but you will have to trust me. We can’t draw up anything legal on this, you understand.”

“I trust you Mr. Renton. You live in shit hole, you pay back money. I trust Mr. Renton. We go back now. You phone ring Agent for number six. Ask how much for all basement and garden. You offer full price subject to planning. You call all other landlords, offer same.”

“But you know that they will refuse planning permission so why do I need to do that?”

“You buy with no planning at good price, all other landlords sell to you. You buy all street and we make big money. Trust me Mr. Renton, now we go out of this shit hole.”

Chapter 2

Living in the basement was a good deal more comfortable with the temperature at least fifteen degrees higher than before, in fact at lunchtime next day, I purchased a fully enclosed convector heater, twice the output of the one bar fire. I decided that an unprotected fire was dangerous to be left on all the time. I was also more profligate with the hot water from the ancient gas geyser than before. Life was looking up for Mr. Renton in his ‘shit hole’. A phone call to the Estate Agent verified that the landlord there was anxious to sell the damp ridden flat and for the asking price, would lump in the garden at the back and all the basement plan area, from the road to the somewhere where the perimeter fence had been at the back. A quick meeting with Personnel again verified that finance at very favourable rates was available to employees and the amount of capital on offer made my eyes water. A further set of calls to the landlords or their agents again proved fruitful with offers being seriously considered on all six basements and what came with them. Obviously, the landlords wanted to get shot of these damp basements as quickly as possible, the low rents and the responsibility that went with them. Only one of the landlords pointed out that the purchaser would be taking on the responsibility for the wellbeing of the building and the floors above, the others no doubt, kept this to themselves, with a certain amount of glee.

A few days later, Stasiek caught up with me in my now warm, ventilated basement when I was changing, to go out on the town with my mates. We spent so much time discussing his plans that I had to abandon my night out and talked to Stasiek, till late in the night. We shook on the deal and Stasiek produced a bottle of the best Polish vodka out of my fridge to seal the deal. He was obviously totally prepared for me to fall in with his plans. When I asked him how he managed to secrete the vodka in my fridge without my knowing, he showed me where a spare key was secreted in the brickwork outside, without my knowledge. We finished the bottle as best of friends and partners.

As a cash sale, the purchase of my flat went through at breakneck speed thanks to the insistence of the eager landlord and soon I became the owner of a ‘shit hole,’ in best Polish parlance. Stasiek immediately submitted the planning application and it would be a month before we expected the first refusal. In the meantime, I arranged finance with my employer bank for an enormous and frightening sum of money. The manager handling the loans, let slip that I was due to a hefty bonus that year and that I was a very sound bet for the loan of that size. Now all I had to do is hold my nerve and wait for the outcome of the first planning application. True to word the planning was turned down on various technical matters just as Stasiek had said. Then, just as Stasiek predicted, I was inundated with calls from the other landlords and agents offering their basements to me at the original prices that I had offered. They too had obviously been following the due process of the planning application. Stasiek came over with his customary bottle of best Polish vodka as we discussed our next strategy. The proposal was to buy the five basements down the line so that we would own the whole line to the road end. Next day I was to make lower cash offers and meet them halfway if that was necessary. Divide and conquer was our motto.

Sure enough, with a bit of haggling I got or we got acceptance on all properties at a healthy reduced price. We celebrated over two bottles of vodka that night. I don’t even remember getting into bed only the sodding alarm clock busting my brains again in the morning, reminding me how all this started in the first place. Sure enough, within three months we were proud owners of all six properties and the good thing was that we also had a regular income from the rents. Stasiek became the landlord and ensured that there were no irregularities with the gas or electric meters. Stasiek prepared a second application with bells and whistles plus the adage that the general works was necessary to keep the whole row from falling down. That caught the attention of the Chief Planner and he insisted on personally inspecting the site. Stasiek was there to prompt the Planner and show him how fragile the whole structure was without immediate remedial treatment and that some of the cost could be offset by redevelopment of all the basements. The Planner agreed and intimated that the plans would go through on the nod as long as the remedial work could start immediately and did we know who owned the other properties in the row?

One-night Stasiek came along with the customary bottle of vodka and with a problem. His current work had finished and he wanted to start on the basement, even though we hadn’t got the final Planning approval. I told him I had no problem with that and he could let himself in with the spare key and I would be out most of the day. He then let slip that he usually lived on the job. That is, he lived on the building site to save money on rental. I looked around my abode and said that the only place to sleep was the armchair, since I was already on the sofa in the alcove. Stasiek said he spent most of his nights on such an armchair so I agreed and he would move in the following day.

I didn’t know what to expect but certainly not what I was confronted with. As I bounded down the steps I was met by a not unpleasant but strong aroma wafting through the open door. I entered and was met by a huge television parked on the draining board of the sink, flashing away with the six o’clock news, but the sound was muted. Next to it was a huge fridge freezer with the lower door open, hiding a woman displaying a tidy rear in tight jeans. Stasiek was lolling in the armchair with an open can of beer and on seeing me, jumped up with delight and a huge smile on his face.

“Mr. Renton, welcome, come, meet girlfriend Jadwiga. You call her ‘Jadja’ as in ‘YAM,’ ‘Ah,’ ‘J as in jam’ and ‘Ah,’ Jadja. Jadja meet Mr. Renton, our landlord.”

“Hi Jadja, pleased to meet you.” I shook her hand and she nodded, muttered something probably in Polish and did a small curtsy, beaming all the time. She had a round face, bright blue eyes and straw-coloured unruly hair. Her attractive smile was the most becoming feature.

“Jadja been cooking special meal for you. Polish Bigos, you like.” With that he forced me down on a sofa and Jadja plonked a tea towel on my lap followed by a bowl of a hot brown curry like stew and a spoon. I was taken aback. This second sofa was a new addition, as was the TV and fridge freezer. I sniffed at the stew and it smelled good. Definitely not curry but a smell I couldn’t easily identify. Stasiek opened a can of beer and poured me a glass which he set on the floor besides me. Jadja with her bowl sat besides me and Stasiek swivelled his chair or my former chair around facing us and declared ‘bon apatite’ and hungrily tucked into his Polish Bigos. Jadja next to me did the same and gave me a nudge and a look of ‘get on with it then’ as I looked helplessly down at my bowl. I’ve had worse than this at school I though, so I picked up half a spoonful and carefully placed it into my mouth. The stuff was hot, not spicy hot but temperature hot, but tasted quite good. I got a bit more adventurous and took another spoonful with more nudges and urgings from Jadja besides me. It was good, nothing I had tasted before, but it was good and I told them so as I tucked in.

“Mr. Renton.”

“Stasiek, please stop calling me ‘Mr.’ just ‘Renton’ will do.”

“Sorry but Mr. Harold told that you no like your first name so we call you Mr. Renton to be polite. Polish like to be polite.” Pointing to Jadja with his spoon, he continued, “Jadja just arrive in England. Speak no English, sorry.” He pointed to the huge TV which was quietly sounding off its stuff on the draining board. “TV for Jadja. She learn English. You help.” This followed by what sounded loud whispers to Jadja as he translated in Polish. Jadja turned to me with a large smile and a knowing nod of the head.

“OK Stasiek, but I need to change and go out to meet some friends. I’ve made arrangements. I will be back late so don’t wait up for me. OK?”

“OK Mr. Renton, you go out now. Jadja watch TV.” Jadja took my empty bowl, took it to the sink and fired up the geezer to wash up. I strode across to my wardrobe and found my two casual shirts ironed and my jeans nicely pressed, hanging on a wire hanger. With my back turned I slipped off my suit and put on my jeans, shirt, leather jacket and loafers, switched over my wallet and hung up my suit. The works shirt got stuffed into a laundry bag. I turned round and got a smile and a thumb’s up from Jadja and a low wolf whistle from Stasiek in approval.

It was a good night out with the lads and the taxi poured me out on the pavement at about two in the morning. I crept in as quietly as I could and found a table light on and my alarm clock, sitting on a wooden box, at the side of my bed which had been made up for me and neatly turned back. This was a novelty for me. I looked around and found Stasiek quietly snoring in my armchair and Jadja curled up in what looked like a sleeping bag on the other sofa, with her back to the room. Even in my state, I made a mental note that she was to become a permanent fixture and I wondered how I would deal with it. Not now in this state but in the morning. I was no coward and could face up to all the awkward situations that the world had thrown at me. I slipped under the sheets, again noting that they were crisp and clean and immediately fell into a deep sleep.

I was suddenly awoken by what seemed like somebody pissing in my ear. I realised that somebody was using the toilet on the other side of the of the frail partition wall, at the head of the bed. I realised I was lying the wrong way around on the bed with my head against the said partition. It certainly didn’t sound like a man when suddenly the kettle on the gas started up a ferocious whistle and a figure in a white T-shirt dashed across and lifted the kettle off. I looked over and saw Jadja with nothing more than a T-shirt that hardly covered her bum, filling the cafetiere with boiling water and the smell of coffee pervaded the room. She gave it a stir with the spoon and carefully placed the lid and slid the plunger down. She got two mugs down and filled them up then looked over to me with a raised eyebrow. I nodded and she promptly brought over a mug and placed it down on my makeshift side table with a smile. As I repositioned myself upright, I got a clear view of her ample breasts, down her front and right down to her stocking tops. I sipped the coffee, which was black, strong and hot, just how I liked it. She set the geyser and filled the yellow plastic bowl with hot water and proceeded to wash her face, exposing her whole fine ass and more besides. Having dried her face, she placed the bowl on the floor and gingerly stepped in, holding a flannel and bar of soap in one hand whilst with the other, pulled off her T-shirt and cast it on her bed. I sipped my coffee and looked on somewhat bewildered and bemused as she soaped up the cloth and proceeded to wash herself down with her back to me. She had a good figure, if more on the fuller side than I was used to. A cough brought me to my senses as she held out the cloth indicating that I should wash her back. What does a man do in these circumstances other than do the ladies bidding? I shot up and grabbed the cloth as she pointed with the other hand to her coffee cup. I handed it over and proceeded to find the soap between her toes to lather up the flannel and wash her back. I only did a small portion, well above her waist, swilled the soap off and flannelled her back dry as well as I could. She handed me her coffee cup which I placed on the TV and got the towel and wrapped it around her shoulders. She muttered something in Polish which I took to be ‘a thank you’ and stepped out of the bowl onto the lino. I picked up the bowl, emptied it down the sink and filled it with warm water and had a wash myself. She was dressed by the time I had finished and was cutting up man size chunks of bread to toast under the grill. By the time I had dressed, noticing that my clothes of the night before had been hung up and all my laundry had been washed and ironed, a plate of toast, dripping in butter and honey was thrust into my hand with a smile. I muttered a ‘thank you’ and for once, enjoyed the delights of a proper breakfast. She took my plate as I finished and handed me a sponge to wipe the butter and gooey honey off my hands, which I tossed into the sink, knotted my silk tie and slipped on my jacket. She gave me an approving look as I waved bye-bye and slipped out onto the street to catch a cab to the office, far earlier than I normally would.

This procedure continued every day except I got bolder and washed a greater extent of her back even getting well below the waistline. By Friday I even dared to slap her bottom as I finished, draping the towel around her as a sign that ablutions were over. My own departure to the office got more and more delayed as I started to savour the act of rising in the morning. It was certainly a far better way to go off to the office, with a bright smile on my face. Throughout this time, Stasiek was fast asleep, snoring lightly totally unaware of the ablutions around him.

Chapter 3

That first Friday, on the way home in the cab, I saw her out on the street with a shopping bag. I stopped the taxi as she gave me one of her broad smiles. She held up her shopping bag in one hand and indicating with the other to her mouth with an eating gesture. I dragged her into the cab and shouted ‘supermarket’ to the cabbie. She immediately understood and settled back into her seat to watch the sights go by. I got the trolley and ushered her in. She looked amazed by the size of the place and skipped around in delight looking at all the produce. After a while, watching her enjoy the obviously new experience, I gestured that she should start filling the trolley. She did with more giggles and chortles, handling the produce over and over until I had to restrain her. I made her visit each aisle, up and down, so that we didn’t miss anything. The trolley filled up quickly until we hit the clothing section and then she went wild, especially when she found that she could try things on. I just stood there and admired her childlike glee. She tried on a pair of tight jeans and I was beckoned over to approve. She perked up her rear to ask me ‘if her bum looked good in these?’ I held up a thumb of approval and beckoned her over. I took her finger and traced it along her raised knicker-line and wagged my finger saying ‘No, No, No VPL, visible panty line’. She looked at me, shrugged her shoulders, raised her eyebrows and turned her hands up in a universal gesture of ‘what can I do about it?’ I took her over to the knicker stand and pointed to some thongs. She picked some out and giggled uncontrollably. I then showed her some boxer short like knickers that my own girlfriend wore and she liked those better so we got a couple of pairs of each with more giggles at the thong stand.

We ended up getting all kinds of thing for the flat which I never bothered with, not being fully domesticated. Things like cleaning materials, tea towels, mops and brushes. We had to go around the place again and going past the news stand, I picked up a fashion mag. and flicked to the page showing a photo of my girlfriend Yolanda, modelling some skimpy clothes. I pointed to the picture and to myself and said, ‘my girlfriend.’ She understood immediately and kept darting her eyes from me to the picture shaking her head in wonderment. She tossed the magazine into the trolley and made a sign with both hands that she was very thin and I nodded in agreement. To my amazement she giggled and stated ‘no tits’ then cupped her own breasts and uttered ‘big tits’ and we both burst out laughing. She then stopped and looked directly at me and with an accompanying, unmistakeable gesture asked, ‘you humpy pumpy?’ Embarrassed, I nodded my head looking around to see if we were being overheard. To get my own back on the embarrassment stakes I pointedly asked her ‘you humpy pumpy Stasiek?’ I asked with a grin. She nodded eagerly and giggled.

In the cab on the way back to the flat she immediately accosted the cabbie shouting, ‘Polski sklep,’ ‘Polski sklep.’ The cabbie understood with an ‘OK love, I’ll take you to a Polish shop.’ That was the first word of Polish that I had learned, ‘Sklep’ for shop. I asked the cabbie to wait as we darted in and she started filling the basket with all kinds of jars, tins and sausages that I didn’t have a name for, until the cabbie hooted. I paid for the provisions and we continued back to the flat with our treasures and got the cabbie to help carrying in the bags. Stasiek was waiting, no doubt wondering where Jadja was and a stream of excited Polish put him straight. She nipped over to the cooker and put on a pan of water, satisfied she gestured for us to turn around and look the other way. Stasiek and I did her bidding and I told him about our adventure in the supermarket. A shout got us to look around and there was Jadja in her bra and new tight jeans, showing off her purchase for approval. She grabbed hold of Stasiek’s hand and made him feel her non-existent knicker line. She then proceeded to wriggle out of her jeans, to her knees and did a twirl, showing off her thong and then burst into uncontrollable giggles. We had to join in as she wriggled back into her jeans, slipped on her T-shirt and attended to her stove. Stasiek got two bottles of beer from the fridge and ushered me to sit as the meal would be ready in a few minutes. He explained to me Jadja had made ‘pierogi,’ a Polish speciality, which was parcels of pasta filled with various cooked meats and herbs, that she would boil and serve with a freshly made tomato sauce. I was currently living like a lord with food set before me when I came home to change. Monday, I had Bigos, Tuesday filled cabbage parcels, Wednesday boiled beef with pasta shells, Thursday a kind of beef burger with rice and tonight we were having pierogi. It was my first introduction to Polish cuisine and I was enjoying the experience and I told Stasiek, who immediately passed the message onto Jadja who gave me a warm grin of appreciation. It was certainly better than eating out each night.

I changed out of my suit and put a few things into a small leather overnight bag. Jadja shouted a warning and made me sit down on the sofa, spreading a tea towel over my knees and thrusting a bowl of pierogi into my hands with a polite ‘prosze’ which I took to mean ‘please’ which Continentals seem to use whenever they offer you something. I asked Stasiek how you say ‘thank you’ in Polish and practised ‘dziekuje’ until I had it perfect. I now had four Polish words in my vocabulary. The pierogi were delicious, as good as any Italian ravioli I had eaten and certainly far more filling. After many ‘dzienkuje’s’ I told Stasiek I would be away for two nights, staying with my girlfriend. After Stasiek had translated, Jadja jumped up and showed him the magazine and fashion photo’s of my Yolanda. We got the repeat of the ‘no tits, big tits’ episode amongst the usual giggles. I thought I would get my own back in the embarrassing stakes by telling Jadja that I was off to do ‘humpy pumpy’ with Yolanda. She gave me a big grin and scrambled in her handbag, handing me a sachet of a contraceptive. I responded by looking very hurt and gesturing with a finger ‘Only one?’ She fell about the sofa in uncontrollable laughter as I threw the sachet back and gestured that she was on the pill anyway. I learned another Polish word ‘dowidzenia’ for goodbye. Before I made my way out of the basement to catch a cab to my next rendezvous, I pulled out five, twenty-pound notes and stuffed them in the mug above the cooker where I kept the change for the meters, telling Stasiek that it was for the housekeeping. He looked at me blankly, as I quickly made my departure.

Chapter 4

On Monday morning at the office I was called to a meeting with my Director, a nice enough chap called Richard Tomlinson. I entered his office and found Mike, the Personnel Director plus Crazy Kate, as I we all nicknamed my Section Leader, looking rather smug.

“Morning Renton. Please sit down, we won’t keep you long,” said Tomlinson as I plonked myself in the interview seat wondering what this was all about. “I understand that there is some discord between you and your Section Leader. At Framwell’s we pride ourselves at keeping total harmony amongst our staff so we have decided to move you out.” He then turned to Crazy Kate saying, “Thank you Catherine, you can leave us now. We need to talk terms with Mr. Renton.” I watched Kate trounce out looking rather pleased with herself and wondered what this was all about. I couldn’t imagine that this was the big ‘E’ but it certainly looked like that. As the door closed, Tomlinson’s demeanour suddenly changed and he turned to me with a smile asking. “How are you Renton?”

“Fine thanks or I was until I came in here.”

“Don’t worry Renton, that was a show, not for your behalf. Right now, where were we? Ah yes, you have been with us for well over a year now and we are all very pleased with your results. You are our star trader and have earned yourself a record bonus. If it wasn’t for interference and restrictions placed on you by your Section Leader, your individual bonus this year would have been embarrassingly high. We have decided to make you a Section Leader and you have free hand in choosing your team. Give Mike here, a list of say twenty names and he’ll sort out a team of six for you. Now what do you have to say to that Renton.”

“Well, I’m grateful for the opportunity and pleased that you accept that I can cope. I did feel I was somewhat restricted in my position but I have learned a lot.”

“Don’t be so bashful Renton. You are most competent and your contacts are most useful to our business. We have been keeping a close eye on you. Please tell me, are there any changes you would like to implement? We know you have been voicing some opinions.”

“I didn’t realise your spies were so active. Tell me, when do I commence?”

“Well technically Mike and I think Renton can count his start date as the beginning of this month, that is two weeks ago. All his bonus earnings to date will count against his new position.”

“I think that’s most reasonable Richard, after all Catherine seemed quite ready to be shot of Rentoneven though he contributed more than fifty percent of her bonus.”

“Right Renton, tell us what conditions you want for the next year. A healthy salary rise is on the books anyway. We know about some of them but we want to hear direct from the horses mouth eh?”

“Well, Sir.”

“None of this ‘Sir’ bit Renton. Richard and Mike will do here.”

“I would like to see a restructure of the bonus system so that for the total we earned, as a Section this year, would only give us fifty percent bonus but as we increased it would gear up steeply so that if we earned say triple profits for Framwell’s then our bonus would be four or five times the current levels.”

“You know that no section has ever achieved such results Renton?”

“I do, but if I wasn’t so restricted by my section leader, I would have easily doubled my earnings last year. That’s why the discord.”

“We thought it was because you had spurned her advances. She’s a bit of a man eater isn’t she Richard!”

“I think our young Rentoncan look after himself. Now you come up with your proposals in writing, we will put them before the Investment Board next month and in the meantime get recruiting and working as if we had accepted everything. We are counting on you to shake up our system and forge the way ahead.”

“Well thank you for your trust in me but tell me, who do I report to directly and who is going to arbitrate on my decisions?”

“No worries in that direction. Tompkins will be your direct Departmental Manager but in name only. For staffing matters go to Mike directly and for financial decisions that you think need a blessing, come directly to me.”

“Won’t Tompkins feel he’s got his nose pushed out of joint?”

“Probably but don’t let that concern you lad. Just feed him stuff to keep him happy but ignore any interference. Now why don’t you take the afternoon off and think things through. Mike, be sure you make time for Renton to get him set up as soon as possible. Now be off with you, Mike and I have some boring admin to sort out.”

I took off like a flash in case they changed their mind and this was all a dream, got to my desk and dialled the time clock to look busy and not be disturbed whilst I calculated on the pad before me what this all meant to my change in circumstances. With a salary rise, and probably double the bonus it would bring me close to four hundred ‘K’ a year, which wasn’t bad for the City, especially for a youngster like me. I could now afford a penthouse by the river, a flashy sports car, a flashy dame on my arm and a luxury lifestyle. I could now even afford a new suit rather than one of my brother’s cast offs. I had the flashy dame already and in the last week my lifestyle had turned a corner for the better and a sports car would be a waste of time in London. The phone suddenly went dead and woke me from my day dreaming. I slammed it down, picked up my pad and shot off down to the coffee bar before anyone could accost me.

I wrote three sheets of terms and conditions plus a list of fifteen candidates I wanted in order of preference. They were mainly low-level operatives with no high flyers. I wanted people I could manage and would do my bidding. I had plans for making us all a handsome package and I drew up a strategic plan and forecast.

“Penny for your thoughts Renton? Have you been given the sack? Crazy Kate’s been spreading it about.”

“Hi Dalton, far from the case, but let the rumour wend its merry way. I really want to see her face when she finds out the truth. I’m setting up a new section with free rein. Do you want a job on the team?”

“Not half, anything to get away from Kate’s clutches. What’s the score on the free rein?”

“Well Tomlinson allowed me to set my own parameters and investment levels before getting approval and I’ve geared up the bonus system to pay better at the top end.”

“How the hell did you manage to get all those concessions?  I know we have discussed them but Framwell’s isn’t known for the ground breaking stuff.”

“Well, there you go. Are you in?”

“You bet I’m in. Can I order my Ferrari?”

“Don’t spread it around, just keep this to yourself, appear as if you’ve just passed on your condolences to the pariah and bugger off will you. I have some thinking to do.”

Chapter 5

Tuesday again started with an unexpected event. I got a phone call.

“Hello Renton, it’s Sir Gerald, I though I’d give you a quick call and invite you to lunch today.”

“What’s this in aid of Gerald? What the hell do you want? I haven’t heard from you for six years or more.”

“It’s time we got together again and caught up on old times, brother.”

“I don’t see why. We have nothing in common.”

“Don’t be like that Renton. I spoke to a good friend of yours Partinger. Tells me you’re due to a sizeable bonus this year. Doing well for yourself I hear.”

“So, this call is about money then?”

“Well not totally but your mummy and daddy could do with a little helping hand.”

“I haven’t got a mummy or daddy. The last time I saw my parents was when they sent me off to boarding school at the age of nine.”

“Look Renton, they are going through a bad patch and the family need to gather together and help them out. They paid for all of your education after all.”

“Bollocks Gerald! Granddad set up the trust for all of us and it was you who tried to rob me of it. If it wasn’t for our Solicitor, I would have been out on my arse at the age of sixteen with no education. Even then, they stopped paying my school funds and costs. I had to borrow the money to pay my way so don’t give me a sob story about my parents being hard up. You bail them out.”

“Renton, we were going through a hard patch then and hard decisions had to be taken. You probably weren’t privy to all the financial problems they were going through.”

“Listen Gerald, your father was squandering all our inheritance on buying a Peerage, egged on by your silly mother who is a social climbing so and so.”

“Yes, but they achieved their aim and we all have benefited from it, even you Renton, getting a job with Framwell’s was through their indirect influence.”

“OK, cut the chase, just tell me what you want from me?”

“Well mummy and daddy can’t afford the upkeep on the Manor and are trying to sell it. They are in the process of purchasing a more suitable place for themselves.”

“Don’t tell me, they are buying that Christmas cake of a place down by the river to go with their adopted status and no one will take the dilapidated farmhouse off their hands.”

“Manor House dear boy.”

“You’re pathetic Gerald, stick to what you know and don’t get me involved in your family troubles.”

“It’s your family too Renton.”

“Don’t give me that crap. They abandoned me when I was nine. I had to fend for myself and you were of no help or your other three brothers. Your ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’ paid all of your school bills. Why didn’t they pay mine, at the same time? And another thing, don’t call me Renton, you never used to call me that before. Wasn’t it Runton or worse?”

“Please Rentondon’t be so hard on your family. We have all become adults and should behave like a family and support each other.”

“Look Gerald, I’ve had enough of this crap. Just tell me how much they want or need and ring off. I could do with some amusement.”

“They need seven hundred and fifty thousand to cover a bridging loan.”

“Bye Gerald!” as I slammed the phone down in anger. I’ll have to speak to Partinger. He must have let slip that I was doing well and brought that monster of a so called brother onto me. They can all go and stew. I spent a few moments reminiscing about the old times at the old farmhouse, roaming around the fields and playing in the outhouses. They were good times with old nurse Benton looking after me. The nanny did all the motherly things like spit washes, wiping snotty noses and straightening my collars. It all changed after they sent me off to boarding school. I hardly ever went back, only to get my brother’s cast offs, as I grew up. I didn’t get ONE letter from them at school. My weekly letters we had to write, went to Bentonand then onto her niece, when she passed away. Must look the place up again and revive some of the good memories I had. Not the people who lived there. They were total strangers to me apart from Benton.

Chapter 6

Wednesday got off to a good start with no desperate phone calls and most people kept out of my way, probably too embarrassed to approach me. By the afternoon, with the help of Mike, I had selected my team, interviewed them and arranged office and trading spaces. I felt really pleased with myself and, as a team, we could start trading on Thursday. The terms and conditions still required approval but Mike assured me that they would go through on the nod.

In good spirits I stomped down the basement steps, shouted some greetings and found Stasiek stark bollock naked, standing in the plastic bowl, being swabbed down by Jadja. Quite unconcerned, they shouted some greeting in Polish as I started getting changed into my civies. I happen to remark to Stasiek that if was an odd time for ablutions when he remarked that he’d been working in the back cellar or ‘shit hole’ as he called it, all day and needed to get rid of the smell. Jadja produced a dinner of fried stuffed cabbage parcels, golombki, with tomato sauce and rice. It was certainly an unusual flavour but I was getting used to having my taste buds tested with a new cuisine. I mentioned that I would be going out that night to see Yolanda and at the mention of her name Jadja jumped up and got the fashion magazine out again to show Stasiek my Yolanda with ‘no tits.’ I noticed it was well thumbed and made a mental note to bring her a pile of Yolanda’s old copies. Stasiek translated that Jadja would like to meet this Yolanda, as Jadja nodded her head vigorously in agreement. I laughed and told Stasiek to translate that I couldn’t invite Yolanda to my ‘shit hole’ as he called it but if they would like, they could come with me to the fashion shoot she was involved with tonight and I would take them to have some fun at a night club later.

This sent Jadja into convulsions and repetitions of the word ‘Tak, Tak’ which I assumed to mean ‘yes’ then she fell into the usual women’s panic routine which needed no translation, that she had nothing to wear. I had to view all of her clothes and choose what she had to wear, since there weren’t many of them. I chose a black skirt, black shoes with a heel and a flowery blouse. She put them on and wasn’t too pleased until I pulled out one of my casual checked shirts. I rolled up the sleeves for her and she put a broad belt round her middle. I undid it a few notches so that it hung loosely at an angle and immediately got a nod of approval from Stasiek. I undid the second button of the shirt to expose more of her cleavage, again to the nods from Stasiek. I then gestured that she should remove her bra and that started her off in uncontrollable giggles with her jumping about with joy. Once under control, the shirt came off, followed by the bra as Stasiek and I watched in amusement. Having donned her clothes she showed signs of consternation again which I understood as a complaint that their landlord, me, hadn’t provided her with a mirror. Beckoning her over, I slipped the catch on the central door of my old wardrobe to reveal a hinged full length double mirror. She rushed over, gave me a hug and peck on both cheeks and proceeded to prance and pose in front of the mirror whilst Stasiek got a couple of beers from the fridge and we watched the entertainment from a grandstand seat on the sofa. The next problem was her hair, was it to be down, up, this way that way or cut off completely? I saved the day by showing her that she should have it in a sort of ponytail but sticking out at the side.

Satisfied with her appearance, she turned and pointed at Stasiek who immediately said he wasn’t coming and we should go together. Jadja put on a disappointed pout and turned to me. I told Stasiek that he must me come with us otherwise Yolanda would be disappointed. He tried to excuse himself that he needed to shave and had nothing decent to wear but I pointed out with gestures, that even Jadja understood that he was OK as he was with jeans and T-shirt and there was no need or even time to shave, pointing at my watch. I gave him my old cord jacket to wear which hung rather loosely on him so I pushed up his sleeves to his elbows since they were far too long. He pointed to his green T-shirt and wanted to swap it for a shirt with a collar but both Jadja and I wagged our fingers ‘No.’ He looked at himself in the mirror and we both got a kiss and hug of approval from Jadja. He started combing his hair which was dark and lanky like mine and well over the collar. I stopped him and showed him how to apply my hair gel with his fingers to give an unruly but controlled look. I had to drag them both away from the mirror and out to catch a cab.

Yolanda was marvellous with them, even though they stood there with googly eyes and astonishment at the scene. She sent us away and took Jadja to the changing rooms with all the girls, makeup artists, hairdressers and clothing designers. I took Stasiek, grabbed a bottle or red wine, glasses and sat to one side with a view of the sets and mass of photographers and their equipment.

“This is amazing,” uttered Stasiek after a sip of his wine. “All girls, no clothes and photos. Like dirty show but much, much glamour.” I nodded in agreement and tasted the wine.

“A bit chaotic until they start the photo shoot then it becomes more orderly and military like. See that harassed looking guy there with the clip board. That’s the Fashion Director. He approves the scenes and orders the shots. His word is law otherwise it would be total warfare.”

“Mr. Renton, I and Jadwiga are very honoured that you bring us here. Yolanda very fine lady. Jadwiga says you are a fine gentleman. I am honoured to work for you. You very good, very fine boss.”

“Thank you Stasiek, I am also very pleased to have met you both and have you working for me. Jadja is wonderful, a breath of fresh air and looks after us famously. Now if you call me Mr. Renton again I will break your arm. Don’t look so surprised, I would be made a fool of here if anyone overheard.”

“OK, OK understand. You don’t want to be all, how you say, high and mighty, when your father is Lord Renton, yes?”

“In a nutshell Stasiek, now drink up, it’s good wine and I know where there is more of it. Now tell me something about your and Jadja’s background and how you met.”

“As you can tell, Jadja and Stasiek are different people, different background. I have rich, educated parents. Jadja comes from farm near Krakow. She is very bright lady. We met at Krakow University. She study arts and design. I study in Warsaw, architecture and when I finish I study design at Krakowand we meet, bang, bang, fireworks. I want to marry her but she says no! She wants me finish study and get plenty experience. No jobs in Poland, Stasiek learn basic architecture on building site mixing concrete and building with bricks. I sneak to England, ‘land of opportunity,’ and get building job, then use skills in architecture for bigger jobs. Make lots of money, get Jadwiga over to help. Now you tell me why son of Lord Renton live in..”

“I’ll finish that for you, ‘a shit hole.’ It’s really a short story and tell me please if I bore you. Both my mother and father were ambitious. You know, keen to get up the social ladder. He became an MP, Member of Parliament. All mother wanted was a daughter and after five sons she kicked my father out of the matrimonial bed and told him to get a mistress. Grandfather was very rich. He set up trust for all of our education including places at Cambridge for all five boys.”

“I have heard of Cambridge and Oxford. Very good.”

“Normally you have to be very bright, highly intelligent to get in there, but Grandfather had bought special places for all of us.”

“Where did you live err Renton?”

“In a large rambling farmhouse in Berkshire, with lots of outhouses and a bit of land at the back. Parents called it a Manor House but it was just a large dilapidated farm building that no one wanted.”

“They still live there?”

“Well sort of. Drink up, it’s good stuff. They currently want to sell and move into a more palatial place that befits a Lord but they are short of money, in fact I believe they are skint. Do you know this expression?”

“Yes Renton, I have been very ‘skint’ in Polandand you ‘skint’ now I understand. You owe lots of money, yes? Where all money gone from rich Grandfather?”

“Most went on trust funds for our education, mother spent a boat load on clothes and lady things and father spent a fortune giving money to the party to buy himself a Peerage. He was not a very good Politician and was deposed as MP in a General Election.”

“He give money to Tory Party, Conservatives, yes?”

“No, the silly thing is he gave money to Labour, easier to buy Peerage. The stupid fool then switched back to Tory after they gave him a Lordship. There was a big scandal about cash for honours at the time.”

“What you do at this time Renton?”

“I was at boarding school, had been since age of nine. I was fifteen at the time and parents tried to stop my schooling to save the money. The family solicitor fortunately stopped them and I continued but they stopped paying my bills such as laundry, clothing and music lessons.”

“How you manage Renton?”

“I was lucky, the school expected my parents to pay eventually but they didn’t and I had to borrow from friends.”

“You have good rich friends, you lucky.”

“I suppose I was lucky then. I was very social; people liked me and trusted me so they lent me money. I still have a stack of ‘IOU’s’ which I am paying back. From the age of nine I don’t think I have met my parents to talk to, my friends and their parents and school brought me up and set me on the straight and narrow. I only went back to the house to scrounge my brothers’ clothes and things I needed.”

“So, you finish, how you say ‘Gymnasium’ or Secondary Education?”

“Oh yes, I went into the sixth form to study for University Entrance. Not much use for me since I already had a place at Cambridge.”

“What you do then in this six form?”

“Oh, I had a whale of a time. Just as I was entering the Sixth Form, the Headmaster changed. He was a new broom. He decided that the Head Boy should be elected for the first time and that was also the last time.”

“Why?”

“Well normally a School Prefect and one in his third year studying for Oxford or Cambridgeis selected by the staff, but the lads voted for me, a new boy. Unheard of! They tried to nullify my selection and there was a riot. I became the head honcho with all the trappings.”

“Explain.”

“Well, the Head Boy had his own suite of rooms in the main house, a bedroom, bathroom, lounge and a spare room for his fag.”

“What, you had own smoking room?”

“No, no a ‘Fag’ is a junior boy who does errands for you, a kind of servant. I had a very clever lad called Partinger. I used to call him Partridge, like the bird. He had been Fag for the previous Head Boy so could guide me through the rules and regulations.”

“Did other big boys set against you? Jealous boys?”

“True, that was my biggest problem but with Partridge I worked things out. The Prefects ruled the school so I converted one of the senior common rooms to a ‘Prefects Only’ common room for them. Cleared out the tennis table, billiards and hard chairs. Raided the ‘Manor House’ for old sofas, easy chairs, low tables and even an old TV. They liked the luxury and the added status and supported me.”

“What you do for the ‘Peasants’?”

“Ah, I turned the Lost Property into a treasure chest. Anything left lying about or left by boys leaving, ended up in the Lost Property room and boys had to pay to get their things back. With Partridge and a few other fags we sorted out the collection, threw out useless stuff and allowed boys to buy goods for a few pence. Although most came from wealthy families, there were a few from poorer backgrounds and many like me where the parents had virtually abandoned their sons. These boys could come along and get sports equipment, shirts, ties, caps and anything they needed to be within school rules.”

“I no understand. Explain”

“Every morning, lunch time and dinner there would be an inspection, as in the army and all had to turn out in the full appropriate uniform or kit for games. If they didn’t, they got punished with extra jobs. The new Lost Property office saved these unfortunates. I had been one of them, from constant round of punishment jobs. That way I had support of the main school too.”

“You had lot of power then?”

“True, I was head honcho and could do, command, demand almost anything in the school, supported by the Headmaster and the prefects.”

“But I understand that prefects also want power and responsibility, yes?”

“Correct but they all confused power with status and status was more tangible, visible, something they could flaunt. I gave the prefects their private common room. No one was allowed in, not even the teachers, only fags doing errands or on cleaning duties. I also installed them at a separate table at dinner, set up on the stage so that everyone could view them.”

“You sat there as big king with them, yes?”

“No, no, I was on another level, that only they could aspire to. I sat with the Headmaster, staff and important guests, at the other end of the hall. It was my function or at least the one I took on myself to conduct the dinner, say grace, introduce the honoured guests, ring the bell for start of the next course, make school announcements and end the meal. Drink up I’ll get another bottle.”

“But Headmaster, he no like you with all that power?”

“On the contrary, he thought it was wonderful, especially showing me off to the guests and parents. The rest of the school staff were only too glad to pass on the responsibilities.”

“OK, but other prefects they object, yes?”

“No way, I gave them status and larger portions. If they sat at the tables with the boys as before they would have to share out the food equally. Also, the other sixth formers now had status, being in charge of tables. Partridge was a cunning old sod. I learned a lot from him about human behaviour and how to get the best out of people by appealing to their desires and wants.”

“Who pay for all this?”

“Now we are getting to the nitty gritty. I had no money and one of the functions of the Head Boy was to raise money for the School Fund. The previous regime usually chose a Head Boy with a rich family so that if he couldn’t raise the money, the family would cough up, usually trying to beat the total raised by the previous incumbent.”

“But you have no money, you skint.”

“Yes, but I had Partridge, my Chancellor and my own social skills. Once a month, parents were allowed to come and visit their little Johnny and bring him his tuck parcel. You know, food and bits and pieces. I used to invite parents to tea in my suite and sweet talk them into giving a donation for a good school cause. I raised a fortune in my two years there. The school bought a minibus, a field next door and an adjoining woodland area from the money I raised. The parents loved it especially when I dropped the hint that their Johnny may achieve such a position as mine in the future.”

“So you had bags of money, why you skint?”

“Hang on Stasiek, I couldn’t spend any of that money on myself. It was the Head Boy’s privilege or twisted honour to buy tea and cakes for all the entertainment of parents and staff in his apartment and it cost me a fortune. I had to borrow the money, hundreds of pounds if not thousands to see me through my two years.”

“Who lent you money? How schoolboys have lots of money?”

“Most of them had rich parents and a couple of hundred was peanuts to them. There wasn’t much to spend on at school anyway, other than the tuck shop and then you had to share your sweets with your pals. That was the done thing.”

“You English have funny ways at school. Teacher used to read stories about English Public Schools and we did not believe him. I shall tell Jadja all about this.”

“Please yourself, I don’t mind. Hello Len, what are you up to? It’s OK Stasiek; it’s just a photographer taking snaps of us.”

“Hi chaps, just a few snaps for the album. You two were so engrossed in your conversation I couldn’t resist. You don’t mind me taking a few more do you?”

“Carry on Len on the condition you bring us a refill. This bottle is empty.”

“No probs. Renton, now just go in behaving normally, no posing or acting please.” At that moment there was a commotion and people were having a break. Yolanda came to join us with Jadwiga who had been totally transformed. She had had her hair fashioned, face all made up and gone was my check shirt to be replaced by some flimsy blouse, a bit too transparent for her good I thought. She was beaming and giving Yolanda a hug every so often. I though Yolanda was going to snap in two like a stick. I brought over two extra chairs and Jadja proceeded to tell Stasiek all that had happened to her in a stream of excited Polish that sounded like a pressure cooker going off, with so many constants. I looked at Yolanda and she gave me a wicked wink as I poured her a glass of wine.

“Jadja says she has had the best time of her life and would like to thank you all for her great time. Thank you Yolanda, thank you Mr. Renton, sorry, Renton. We are very pleased.”

“It’s been a pleasure to meet Jadja and get to know her. She is a breath of fresh air. The girls back there love her. I hope she’s coming to the club after this. Hello Stasiek I hope to get to know you too. Renton here has spoken so much about you.”

“Hey Yolanda, how in the hell have you lot managed to communicate? Jadja only knows two words in English.”

“You men wouldn’t understand Renton. Us girls, have our own language. Stasiek, please tell Jadja that she is invited to a fashion show next Wednesday. I don’t know if she understood clearly but she has to come to my flat first thing, then we go shopping, light lunch and then onto the show with me.” Stasiek relayed this to Jadja who jumped up for joy and rushed around giving everyone in the vicinity a hug and a kiss amidst much giggling. An announcement called everyone back to work and Yolanda dragged Jadja back with her for more shoots. Stasiek looked at me shrugged his shoulders and laughed in the manner of ‘I can’t control her, nothing to do with me!’

“Hello Renton, good to see you. Introduce me to your friend.”

“Oh hi Gerry, your looking harassed as usual, meet my architect and flat mate Stasiek, Stasiek, meet Gerry he is the Fashion Director here and we are drinking his best Claret.”

“Pleased to meet you Mr. Gerry. Jadwiga and I are very pleased to come and see you work.”

“Right chaps, Len has shown me some interesting pictures and I would like to include you both in a set if you don’t mind. OK?” and he was off.

“What?” asked Stasiek quizzically.

“No worries Stasiek. He wants us both on a set and take a few snaps and be props for the girls. I do this often, that’s why he allows me to come and drink his best wine. Come on, we need to get our face and hair done. Cheap way of getting a good hair cut.” I dragged him off looking sheepish to the hair salon and one of the set managers gave instructions on how he wanted us to look. After an hour of being pampered we were ushered to a set with a café background, a table and two chairs, bottle of wine and two glasses, told to sit and carry on as if we were having a conversation and ignore things happening around us.

“Help me out Renton, what do I do?”

“Don’t worry Stasiek, we are just props for the girls. Just behave normally. In fact they generally like you to be sullen, dark and don’t ever smile. Right, let’s crack this bottle and enjoy ourselves, but don’t show it. Behave just as we were before, at the table, me talking, you listening.”

“OK gentlemen, can you lean in together a bit more as in a serious conversation. That’s it Renton, just prompt your friend to do the same and don’t look at the camera or at the girls, unless we tell you. Right, we are starting now.”

“OK Renton, tell me about Cambridge. All Polish people know Cambridge and Oxford.”

“After spending two years in the Sixth as Head Boy, I got passable results and took up my place at College. This upset most of my year group because some had to stay on another year and others with far better results than me were rejected by Cambridge. I was glad to leave by then anyway because people were getting jealous of my powers and popularity. I had upset the applecart, also my fag Partridge was moving up to the Sixth and would graduate to his own fag. Cambridge was fun, lots of parties and goings on. I mixed with a good crowd and many helped me out financially. It was very much a continuation of Public School.”

“Could you chaps hold your wine glasses up to your lips and hold them there. That’s it, good.”

“What were the girls like? You very handsome Renton.”

“I got my good looks from my mother’s side. A bit too effeminate but the girls like it. My height and build from my father. My size protected me from the bullies at school. There were plenty of girls at Cambridge. I had bags of freedom and did what I liked.”

“What did you study?”

“PPE, Philosophy, Politics and Economics. Did reasonably well at it considering I was supposed to be pretty mediocre on the intelligence front. I have a good memory. The main thing is I made lots of useful contacts both at school and college. Helps me with my job now.”

“You work in Finance, in City. You earn lot of how you say ‘bread’ yes?”

“Right chaps, can you turn more this way and look into the distance past the camera. The girls will touch you but ignore them just look this way. That’s it, like that. Good Renton, hold the wine glass up higher.”

“Yes, I’m doing quite well at the moment thank you and almost paid off all my debts until you came along with these schemes and now I’m deeply in hock to the bank.”

“How much you earn Renton?”

“Stasiek, in polite English company it is improper to ask outright what a fellow earns but I understand that it is quite normal for you Continentals to discuss these matters openly. Last year I earned six figures in salary and doubled that in bonuses but the tax man takes half.”

“What is six figures? I no understand.”

“A hundred and ten thousand to be precise. I hope to quadruple that next year.” Stasiek let out a low whistle and shook his head in amazement.

“I make fifty-six thousand in eighteen months and pay no tax.”

“Since you are illegal, where do you keep your money Stasiek? Under the mattress?”

“No, in bank safe deposit box and I give you fifty to invest. I trust you.”

“Stasiek, what do you want out of life? You and Jadja, I presume will go back to Poland?”

“I make lots of money and buy big office in Warsaw. Marry Jadja. What Renton do with millions? Too much to spend on wine and girls.”

“True Stasiek. Once I have got rid of my debts then I want to see the World. Travel in the Far East and then maybe South America. Take years over it if need be.

“OK chaps, finished now, you can go.”

“Renton, can we have photo of you, me, Yolanda and Jadja?”

“Hang on Mr. Cameraman, I can’t see you because of the lights out there. Can we have some shots with Yolanda and Jadja, the Polish girl?”

“Just for you Renton. Just remember we don’t do weddings, babies and christenings. OK someone get the girls.” We had several shots of Stasiek and me sitting there with the girls posing behind us. Stasiek put on his meanest of sullen faces. Even the photographer appreciated it and applauded.

The night was young and a crowd of us went to a fancy restaurant for a simple meal and more drinks. The models didn’t drink or eat much and the restaurateur must have been upset by how little we spent but appreciated a fashionable crowd on his premises. They again admitted us into a club free, seeing the calibre of the girls and we had a whale of a time. Jadja danced her heart out and became the soul of the party. We eventually made our way back to the basement at some unearthly hour in the morning with Jadja singing pop songs in Polish and clutching a carrier bag of goodies, given to her at the studio. It was a memorable evening, night and early morning.

Chapter 7

Thursday started badly, very badly. It was the alarm that woke me out of deep slumber rather than Jadja with a cup of strong coffee and a chuckle. Even my bedside light was off. I clicked the switch and found Stasiek sprawled, fully clothed in his chair snoring. Jadja was curled up on the sofa, with her back to the room and her bag of goodies on the floor. There was nothing else for it but to get up, wash, dress and make some breakfast. I decided against breakfast. I’d pick up something on the way. I was a little cross and made some noise like a spoiled brat but it still didn’t waken them. I pulled the eiderdown up over Jadja, threw a blanket over Stasiek and left. I was in the office a good half hour earlier than usual.

“Hello early bird, what got you chucked out so early?”

“Morning Partridge.”

“A bird tells me congratulations are due. When’s the party to celebrate. Don’t forget to bring along one of Yolanda’s friends for me. You know I’m no good with the girls.”

“Two words for you Partridge you bugger! ‘Sir G’ to you.”

“That’s a word and a letter Renton, didn’t they learn you much at school?”

“Ha bloody ha!”

“Yeah, sorry Renton, sat next to the bore at some dinner we have to endure. Happened to mention I knew you and he set off on a diatribe of your failings so I said to him that ‘his useless shite’ of a brother, his words Renton, had just doubled his salary in bonuses and is probably due for higher things. Has the old fart been on the scrounge then?”

“Correct Partridge. My parents, who haven’t spoken to me since I was nine, want me to bail them out to the tune of a million notes, can you believe that?”

“I believe anything about them Renton. Now I have a bone to pick with you. You borrowed a pile without coming to me first, for your property deal.”

“You have your spies everywhere you know. A chap can’t just lean on his good friend all the time. Anyway, you would have charged me extortionate interest rates to get your own back.”

“That hurts Renton. We go back a long way and you always looked after me. If you ever need more make sure I’m first in the queue. Gentlemen charge no interest as in the old days.”

“Thanks Partridge, I’ll bear that in mind. As you know, this is my first full day with my team and I need to lick them into shape.”

“You’ll have no trouble with that Renton. I should have given you a job with my outfit when I had a chance. It didn’t seem fitting at the time for you to work for his former fag. I’ll send you a few tips to get you started though I’m sure your vast network will help you out. Get some good positions in fuels for starters they are about to take off. There’s a whisper that the Ruskies are going to turn awkward and Sheiks are about to get greedy.”

“Thanks Partridge, I’ll get my team onto that.”

“Oh, before I leave you, take a look at that old farm of yours. Lots of development potential in Berkshire. Text me the date of your party. Bye.”

After a meeting with my team and setting the scene, I set them off to do business, with a few pointers and started an earnest round of phone calls to my contacts. I was fortunate to have a brilliant memory. Some even called me a savant and others thought I had these autistic abilities that some kids have and are able to draw correctly every nut and bolt on the Eiffel Towerafter one sighting.  I knew the names and most of the parents of all the boys in all the years at school and hundreds of students I met at Cambridgeand their current positions plus many of their parents too. Some were very influential in business, commerce and politics. I could call any of them socially and they would remember me as Renton. Their parents were always glad to give a leg up to a good friend of their son or daughter so if I mentioned the name of their Company, I usually got the low down on the investment potential without much prodding. Some of the information could be construed as ‘insider dealing’ but no one would believe that a first-year upstart in the City could have access to so much priceless information. The day flashed by and I was just able to do the ‘Managerial walk’ around my team to check on progress. I sent them off home early with a promise of a night out on the town the following week.

Chapter 8

I tripped down the steps to the basement in high spirits and was met by Jadja rushing up to me in a stream of Polish, giving me a bear hug and kissing me on both cheeks, numerous times.

“I think she is trying to say ‘thank you’ for last night,” shouted Stasiek, grabbing a bottle of vodka from the freezer and three glasses.

“Tank you, tank you, dzienkuje, tank you!” shouted Jadja jumping up and down, doing a dance she learned from the girls last night.

“OK Jadja, I get the message. The girls enjoyed having you over. We will do it again sometime,” I said and Stasiek relayed the message and he saved me from another bear hug by handing me a glass of freezing vodka which I held out in front of me for protection. “Here Stasiek, a present for you,” I said handing him a large courier envelope, knowing what would be inside. Jadja rushed over for a sharp knife to open the envelope carefully. Out spilled a dozen or so large photos of Jadzia having her hair done, with a face mask, trying on high heeled shoes, then some of Yolanda and then of us all together. I just sat down in Stasiek’s armchair, sipped at my vodka and watched them pore over the photos until Jadja let out a shriek, rushed to the stove to pull a pan off and then scolded Stasiek for letting the pan boil over. She slid a plate of prepared Polish pierogi into the boiling water and watched them intently. When they came, floating to the surface, she fished them out and put them in three plates, poured hot butter with fried onions over each portion and handed them out with a fork and a ‘proshe.’

“These are special pierogi that Jadja made just for you Renton. Thank you for special night.” They were delicious, certainly tastier than the previous ones in tomato sauce. I thanked her and she just gestured ‘eat up’ as she slid another plate full into the pan. I ended up eating four different types of filling, cheese, two types of meat and a plum filling to finish. I went over to where Jadja was at the sink and gave her a hug and a kiss and got a broad beam that dissolved into a giggle.

“Renton, I have letter from Planning. Inspector come on Tuesday to look at cellar. I have problem. All men busy. You need to help Saturday and Sunday in ‘shit hole,’ yes?”

“What do you want me to do Stasiek?”

“You help Stasiek and Jadja to dig out shit and wash down cellar. Then wash clean for inspector. You strong man Renton.”

“OK Stasiek, I’ll help. Not adverse to some hard labour. Although I drive a desk these days, I keep myself in shape with squash and swimming.”

“Good, plenty of hard work for weekend, plenty of vodka for strength, yes?”

“Sure thing Stasiek, I’m ready. I need to go out tonight. Tell Jadzia that we can go shopping again tomorrow if she wants.” I waited whilst Stasiek translated and got an eager nodding from Jadja as she was doing the washing up. Tell her I will bring her some more magazines tonight. Stasiek translated and she dropped the pan with a clatter and rushed forward towards me. I managed a few deft side steps but she caught me in a bear hug and proceeded to kiss me on each cheek until Stasiek dragged her off. We all laughed and I went off to dress in my casuals and left them discussing the photographs in Polish.

I was glad Friday morning started as usual with a mug of coffee thrust into my hand, followed by the ablutions and finishing off with two slices of thick hot toast, thickly spread with butter and honey. I got a questioning look from her and I realised that she hadn’t spotted a full carrier bag of magazines that I had pushed under her sofa last night. I made my escape whilst she tipped them out on her bed with shrieks of delight, even waking up Stasiek.

Work was a mass of phone calls again plus a message that I was to meet Jadja at the supermarket that night. I looked forward to that as a relief from the drudgery and was there at six thirty sharp, expecting to have to wait for them. There they were with an empty trolley at the entrance, waiting patiently. Jadja jumped up and down waving to me as I jumped out of the black cab. This time things were more orderly and we had to visit each aisle only once, with me pushing the trolley and Jadja giving a monologue to Stasiek who then placed the chosen goods into the trolley. I had only two interventions to make. One when I had to try on a pair of Wellingtons and secondly when Jadja got to the clothing section when I reminded her, through Stasiek that she had a shopping date with Yolanda for far more interesting clothes than these. Fortunately, I had a trolley to protect me but she did manage to plant a kiss on my nose to the amusement of the shoppers. I paid and called a taxi.

I told the driver we needed the Polish shop and got approving nods from both Jadja and Stasiek. They seemed to buy inordinate amounts of various cooked, cured meats and sausage plus jars of stuff I hadn’t seen before. I suggested to Stasiek we should get a take-away meal since it was getting late and I had a date. I suggested Chinese and after much discussion Stasiek said that I should choose for them since they hadn’t eaten any Chinese in England. I ordered a banquet for three from my favourite restaurant and told them to make it extra special and with a bottle of their best saki. By time we got back, stored the shopping and got the oven hot, the delivery arrived in a large polystyrene container. It was my turn to order them about. I got Stasiek to set up the ironing board as a table, Jadja to sort out the plates and cutlery whilst I put the individual metal containers in the oven to keep warm. I brought the containers out one or two at a time and set them on the ironing board, which was covered by a cloth and invited them to take a spoonful. The food was good and they particularly liked the duck in orange sauce. The warm saki they found interesting but preferred a glass of vodka.

They were amazed that I was to throw the containers away and Jadja wanted to wash them up and keep them. I managed to gather most of them, stuff them in the bag and throw them in the rubbish sack. Before I left, I got a hundred pounds out of my wallet and got the housekeeping mug from above the gas metre. The previous week’s money was still there untouched. I then had to spend the next twenty minutes explaining and convincing Stasiek that Jadja should use this for day-to-day expenses, for food and feeding the meters. I escaped whilst Stasiek was explaining all this to Jadja. I managed to get back earlier than usual, at least before midnight and found them both asleep and noticed that all the containers had been retrieved and duly washed, dried and stacked on top of the huge fridge.

Saturday morning started unusually early, with a rough shake and a coffee thrust at me with something that sounded like ‘no washy washy, you work’ and a thumb telling me to get up. I sat up, rubbed my eyes and saw Stasiek already up and about, dressed in his boxer shorts, T-shirt and Wellingtons. After all what does a well-dressed chap wear on a Saturday morning on his way to work? I hadn’t time to ponder or smile, when a large full plate was thrust at me and an order barked that sounded like ‘hate’ but more probably was ‘eat!’ No smiles just business like.

“You need strength today. Eat big,” said Stasiek seeing me looking bemused. He had obviously finished his and was washing up the plate and mug. I looked down at two fried eggs, three rolls of ham and a thick wedge of cheese plus thickly buttered doorsteps of rye bread. There goes the myth of the light Continental breakfast. I ate, forcing the unusual mixture down as best I could with slurps of coffee to help it along. My empty plate was grabbed and exchanged for a pair of blue wellies that we had bought the previous day.

“No dress Renton. Stay in shorts and shirt. Dirty work. Here, put on cap. Hair get dirty.” I put on the cap and stood into the wellies and looked about rather foolishly. Jadja came to my rescue, pushed me aside, grabbed my coffee mug, turned my peak so it was pointing backwards but at least gave me a smile and kiss on the cheek. Stasiek and Jadja moved my bed aside revealing a large sheet of block-board that was behind my bed and that I hadn’t noticed. This was slid aside to reveal a vast black gaping hole with musty damp air coming out. Black hole of Calcutta sprang to mind. Jadja reached into the hole, pulled out something and suddenly a huge light lit up the cavern. Stasiek immediately walked forward and jumped down. I followed more gingerly and found myself in a cavernous space, festooned with cobwebs hanging from a vaulted ceiling of black brick. I didn’t have much time to gawp at the sight when a thick plastic sack was thrust into my hand with an order to hold it open in a particular way. Immediately a shovel full of brown thick sludge was carefully placed into the bag and after four I sat the sack up and held another for Stasiek to fill. He was methodically and very carefully shovelling up the muck into my sack, leaving a clear corridor of stone floor exposed. After five bags he showed me how to tie them off with plastic ties. We then double bagged them, lifted them up onto my basement floor where Jadja retrieved them and took them away somewhere. After ten bags my back was killing me so I got three large black builders buckets and fitted the bags into them open and slid them to Stasiek to fill. I then could at least straighten my back and survey the scene. A piercing whistle soon had me concentrating on the buckets, tying off the bags, double bagging, lifting them up for Jadja and setting up more bags. I realised I was the gofer and wondered how long this job was going to take. I soon got into a rhythm and the work flowed at a pace. I could keep up and even keep ahead of Stasiek which allowed me to get a good look at my surroundings.

The cavern was huge with four huge brick arches stretching from the back to the front of the building, dividing it into sections. It looked like an aisle of a cathedral with vaulting. The floor looked like stone slabs as the muck and grime was being gradually shovelled away. In the inner corner was an encrusted down pipe which I assumed was a sewer pipe. This was wrapped in places with new silver gaffer tape which I assumed was to plug anymore effluent seeping out onto the floor. I then recognised the sweet whiff that pervades the older streets of Parison a hot summer’s night and I suddenly realised that I had been truly living in a ‘shit hole’ as Stasiek had said. We stopped for a breather and Stasiek pointed out what he had done to the sewer pipe and how much of the floor he had already cleared with Jadja. We had well over a half to finish off. I exchanged places with Stasiek and he carefully showed me how to use the shovel with maximum efficiency, minimal effort and avoiding too much splattering of the sludge. After six buckets I got the hang of it and proceeded at a pace faster than Stasiek could keep up. After two hours we had a break and I found that another six bundles of bags had appeared. Stasiek said that we would blast the bricks clean with a pressure washer that he had hired and the place would look totally different. He would then also repair the down pipe for the benefit of the inspector as a temporary measure and eventually we would replace it with a modern plastic pipe.

The pace got slower but progress could be seen and I reckoned we might finish by the end of the day. Jadja stopped us at probably midday, gave us a bucket of warm soapy water to wash our hands and thrust a mug of hot soup into our hands. The shovelling got harder as we worked away from the pipe but the thickness of slime was less. We reached the point where we were just scraping the stone slabs with a flat spade to get most of the remaining bits off. Eventually Stasiek signalled that this would be the last bag and I forced a smile. My whole body ached from this strange exercise that I was not used to. We then had a tough job of prising up a couple of slabs around the down pipe and exposing the pipe to a lower joint. Stasiek carefully chiselled a large hole in the pipe above the joint telling me that tomorrow the waste water could flow away that way and we needn’t waste time with buckets. He taped up the hole to stop the stench and we collected our tools together as Jadja handed us down a bucket of hot soapy water to wash the worst of the grime. We had been ever so careful but even so I was splattered all over. I stripped off my T-shirt, boxer shorts and cap and stuffed them in a spare bag. Stasiek did the same and we stood there stark naked in our wellies laughing our sock off. A loud wolf whistle brought us to our senses and Stasiek climbed out and I watched from the cavern as he stepped into the plastic bowl that Jadja used for her ablutions in the mornings and she soaped him up and washed him down with a flannel. It was my turn next and it was only then I noticed how badly I must smell. There was no time for modesty as I stepped into the basin of fresh water and let Jadja sponge me down. Stasiek had dressed and put back the board and replaced my bed against it.

I could still feel the stench clinging to me particularly the hair so I made an executive decision and ushered them both out and called a taxi. “Stasiek, what have you done with all the bags that we filled?”

“No worry Renton. White van come take away.”

“Where to?”

“How you say, ‘do not ask’ Renton.”

“You say ‘Don’t ask’ Stasiek.”

“OK, ‘don’t ask.’ You give English lesson to Jadja. She need to learn quick. You help.” I stopped a cab and took them into my sports club on the edge of the City. They were somewhat bewildered as we entered the plush foyer.

“Hello Mr. Renton, don’t often see you at the weekend.”

“Hi Sandy. Brought some friends along. We’ll have a swim, sauna and a massage to finish. Can you sort my friends out with costumes and things. Jadja here is Polish and doesn’t speak any English yet, can you look after her.”

“I can do better than that for you Mr. Renton. We have a Polish girl working for us. I’ll take her along to her for you and sort her out. Do you all want to use the pool first?”

“Yes Sandy, after a hot shower. Stasiek, can you explain to Jadja and you then come with me.” I led Stasiek off to the locker room whilst Jadja was led off by Sandy to the ladies area. We both luxuriated in a long hot shower with lots of shampoo and soap. By the time we appeared at the pool side, Jadja was already in there, donned in a dark red, one piece and her hair was pulled out of the way in a white swim cap. She waved as I dived in and swam over to her. She pushed me under playfully and uttered, ‘good, good, good’ a few times. I set off doing my usual lengths expecting Jadja to join Stasiek when I noticed Jadja keeping pace with me. I did a fast racing turn at the end and she followed without hesitation so I turned the pace up to see if I could shake her off. After nine lengths she was keeping up with me with ease so I gestured that we would do two more to finish and she streaked off like a fish. I caught up with her two thirds of the way down the pool but she beat me to the turn. We raced neck and neck to the finishing line and then I decided to let her win. She had decided to do the same so we splashed about the last few meters laughing and splashing each other. Stasiek applauded as we swam over to him and he got a ducking from Jadja for his mockery.

I took them over to the sauna and we sat there in the heat, listening to the piped music as Stasiek told me that Jadja had learned to swim in the nearby river and had competed for the Krakow Universityteam. We cooled off in the icy plunge pool and Sandy came and took Jadja away for a massage. I took Stasiek over to the main massage room for half an hour of delight and relaxation. It seemed heavenly after a day of hard labour. We waited for Jadja in the main lounge over a glass of cool white wine and chatted about the good day’s work we had done. Jadja suddenly turns up like a tornado, with her hair done up and her face made up, followed by Sandyat her heels.

“It’s OK Mr. Renton, we were having a beauty demonstration and Maria put Jadja here in for all the treatments, I hope you don’t mind. Unfortunately there are some associated costs for the cosmetics and things.”

“No worries Sandy, just add it to my bill.”

“Thanks Mr. Renton, I was a bit concerned. I’ll let you get on then.”

“Stasiek, tell Jadja she looks wonderful and we are off to a little Italian place around the corner, I’m famished and I bet you both are too. Come on let’s go before we get too comfortable here.” It was a short walk to the restaurant but took longer since Jadja wanted to look at herself in all the shop and office windows. I chose Spaghetti Carbonarra for starters and Oso Bucco with gnocchi for main, plus a litre of the house Chianti. It went down well and Giovanni the head waiter ensured we all had large portions and brought out his best brandy to finish, with the coffee. I didn’t dare to think about the work tomorrow.

Sunday morning was again a shock. I usually spent it reading the Sunday papers in some fancy café with Yolanda and friends. I got the expected rude awakening with coffee and huge plate of breakfast thrust at me. I ate quickly and noticed that Jadja was busy tidying up the bedding, wearing only bra, knickers, wellies and a head scarf. I wished I had a camera. I was ushered away, my bed moved aside, the sheet of ply slid away and the floodlight lit to expose a ghostly cavern. Stasiek fixed a hose pipe to the kitchen tap with a clip and I unravelled the hose and dropped it into the cavern. Jadja threw in some brushes, mops and buckets and jumped in after them. I let myself in more gingerly when Stasiek called me back. I was to turn on the water at his command. I watched him plug in a machine, fix the end of the hose to the body of the device and holding the lance he shouted for me to turn on the water slowly and then onto full. The water gurgled, spat a few times and then a powerful jet shot out of the lance. I noticed for the first time there was a step ladder there against a wall and at the down pipe, the hole had been exposed. Jadja thrust a hard brush into my hands and gestured that we had to sweep the water into the hole where it would drain away. Stasiek started in the bottom corner by the down pipe, working up the wall and we brushed the black filthy water into the hole, preventing it from spreading across the stone flag floor, as he blasted the muck off with the jet. We were wet through in seconds with the spray.

“Stasiek, why don’t you start at the top and work downwards?”

“No Renton, like washing car, wash bottom, then top. Flush dirty water away. We no do twice.” I didn’t argue. He obviously knew what he was doing and I started to brush faster to get some heat into my cold wet body. By lunch time we had done over half and the clean brickwork glistened brightly. “Good brick Renton. Good builders see,” and he pointed out the straight horizontal lines and all the perpendicular joints were all in line. “Builders use lime mortar. Soft, jet-wash some away. We re-point with white grout mortar to make bricks look good.” We chatted, admiring the old brickies handiwork and the construction of the arches. Jadja brought down some welcome mugs of hot soup and we warmed up a little. There was no rest for the wicked as Jadja whipped away the mugs and Stasiek turned on the jet. I grabbed a broom and energetically started brushing away the water, soon to be joined by Jadja. We finished by scouring the stone slabs until they came up a glistening Golden brown. Stasiek told me they were of the best Yorkshire stone and then showed me a black brick proclaiming in admiration that they were engineering bricks from Northampton. I had never looked at stonework or brickwork before with that much interest but believed Stasiek when he said that this building had been constructed with no expense spared.

Having swept the last of the water into the hole, I propped the broom against the wall to admire the handiwork. I then heard a shriek as Stasiek played a wider jet of water at Jadja, forcing her over to the pipe and outlet hole. In position, Stasiek played a fine spray over her to wash her down as she jigged around and I grabbed the broom again and swept more water away into the hole. Laughing Stasiek turned the jet on stronger and swiftly swept her knickers away with the force, accompanied by more shrieking as she fled out of the cavern. He then turned the spray onto me and I knew what was coming and allowed him to jet away my boxer shorts whilst I stripped off my T-shirt. He allowed me to do the same to him except I wasn’t too good at setting the jet and he yelped with pain at the force. We swept away the water and Jadja jumped down with two towels giggling madly. I dressed quickly and helped Stasiek position a large cylindrical machine in the damp but clean cellar. It reminded me of a jet engine with a large fan at one end. He filled up a container with what smelt like paraffin and plugged the machine in. The fan started and there was a roar as two flames ignited inside the cylinder. Air was being sucked in one side and hot air driven out at the other, a giant hair drier. Stasiek showed me he had fitted an electric fan in one of the windows which he switched on to full power to draw the damp air out and dry the whole place.

For Jadja’s benefit I made the swimming gesture and she nodded her head vigorously, grabbed her bag and was out of the basement like a flash hailing a taxi.

“Can we leave this thing going unattended Stasiek?”

“No problem, fuel lasts two hours and fan go until we back. No problem. Must dry for inspector.” We slammed the door and ran up the steps as Jadja was shouting from a cab. “Renton, you come Tuesday, see inspector. I tell you what to say OK?”

“Fine, what time Tuesday?”

“Tuesday morning don’t know what time. I call you.”

“Fine, here is a spare mobile phone. Call me. I can be here in fifteen minutes. OK?” Jadja spied the mobile as I handed it over to Stasiek and made a grab for it. “Ah, ah you like?” I asked and Jadja nodded her head vigorously and gave me one of her famous smiles, more like a grin. “Tell Jadja I’ll get her a mobile of her own if she says ‘please’.” I got a stream of ‘pleases’ from her plus a few giggles.

We got to the club and Jadja spotted her Polish friend and was off like a shot. We all met up in the pool and Jadja immediately challenged me to twenty length race. I conceded to two races of ten lengths each. I felt too knackered to swim all that way in one go. She won the first, I the second and got good ducking for my pains. We had to have a third and we made that into a draw. We all three finished off in the sauna and then the two men retired to the bar for two pints of cold water whilst waiting for the lady to have her hair done in the saloon. I suggested we go for an Indian and a cab took us to Green Lane for a selection of curries and Indian beer. I then told them that on Wednesday night I was having a party for my new colleagues and friends in a Sohovenue and they would be invited. I got the look of dismay from Jadja which I interpreted to mean she had nothing to wear until I reminded her that she was shopping with Yolanda that day which brightened her up. Stasiek asked me how much money she would need for her shopping since she had very little of her own. I told them not to worry and that Yolanda would sort out all the money matters since she had poots of it. I also told them that on Thursday night I had invited some designer friends to the basement to give us some ideas on how we should proceed with the interior layout and furnishings. Stasiek was worried that this would cost a lot of money until I assured him that these people owed me some favours from the past and they would probably get a fancy meal out of it.

Chapter 9

Tuesday morning, I got the call from Stasiek and was there in fifteen minutes as planned. He had rigged up another couple of flood lights to show off the new interior to the best advantage and I noticed the sewer down pipe had been repaired with cement mortar and the flag stones replaced. The place had dried out and looked resplendent with the brickwork a dark tint and the stone floor a golden brown. The inspector was impressed. “Pleased to meet you Mr. Renton,” as Stasiek made the introduction. “Didn’t quite expect to see this. Mr. Stasiek tells me you’ve had a lot of clearing up to do to get it to this state.”

“That’s correct Mr. Williams, we had to remove tons of filth that had accumulated down here over the years. We wanted to show you the full potential of converting this into habitable accommodation.”

“Well, you’ve certainly done that. Mr. Stasiek tells me that most of it came from that broken sewer down pipe. If that’s correct, then I’m afraid I’ll have to serve notices on all the houses in the terrace to check that their basements are not over flowing with sewage. This could be a major problem. We can’t allow such stuff to go on. If it’s not cleared up then we have no compunction to order full evacuation and condemnation of these premises until the problem is resolved. Do you understand the severity of that Mr. Renton?”

“Oh, I do Mr. Williams, that’s why we are so open about it hoping to get some understanding from the Council. The landlords and tenants here would be in an uproar and the Councillors would lose a lot of support and considerable loss of revenues to both parties if this happened.”

“I understand your concerns but are you trying to make a point here?”

“You understand me correctly Mr. Williams. The costs of clearances could be extensive and no immediate benefit to the landlords. We have funded this as part of our planning application and would hope to recoup some of the cost through the development. That’s why we hope our initial application will go through smoothly and quickly so that we can get on with the other reparation works outside.”

“What other works Mr. Renton? My brief was to examine the interior. Though there is a note from a colleague suggesting that I should inspect the outside wall before I make any report.”

“That’s exactly what we expected Mr. Williams and we shall do that in a moment. What we propose here is to pierce these walls between the arches and replace them with large widows and doors to enhance the ventilation and natural light. I would appreciate if you would give us permission now to pierce an entry through to the outside to aid ventilation and any further clearances we have to do. I know we have already cleared the place to your satisfaction but it would help with access.”

“Well, I don’t see why not. After all, it’s essential work. I’ll write out an order immediately.”

“Let me show you the disturbing state of the outside of this building. It’s been neglected for a century or more.” We trooped around to the back, squeezed through the railings, negotiated the brambles and undergrowth, until we stood outside number six. “Just look at the state of the brickwork. The bricks are in good condition but the mortar needs replacing. Also please note that the accumulation of soil and debris of centuries has blocked any air bricks that might be there and raised the water levels in the brick work. About a metre and a half of this rubbish need removing to get down to the original level of the building. Look there, I had an inspection hole dug to see how deep we need to go, down to the course of stone slabs.”

“This is quite serious, if frost gets in, then the brickwork will crumble with dire consequences.”

“That’s what I told your colleague.”

“How do you propose to clear this? You will need heavy machinery and access will be a problem. You will need the permission of all the owners to achieve that and that’s no easy matter.”

“We propose to construct a ramp from the road and an access road to the back of these properties which would allow excavation but that again would be expensive unless the Council agreed to allow us permanent access for parking here. There’s bags of room for cars.”

“I’m sure an application like that would be looked on favourably especially if you had agreement from the other owners and if you proposed additional parking on the other side of the new road, up to the party line. It would make matters far easier if you could get all the landowners to submit a joint application for access and parking. It would make the inspection and clearance of these basements easier. I will have to serve Notices on all the street but it could be conditional. After all it’s not a recent phenomenon.”

“I’m sure we can achieve consent on the first six properties Mr. Williams.”

“That would be good. It puzzles me why no one has built at the end there. The terrace on the other side has been built on preventing access but not yours. I could imagine some developer putting up a block of flats there. You’re lucky to have this access and so are the owners here. All this needs doing with some urgency Mr. Renton and I’ll make sure that this application receives some urgency. I look forward to viewing your access application if you can get agreement. Have you a card Mr. Renton so I can keep you abreast of the progress? Oh, Renton, Renton and Associates. Are you a developer, you look rather young to be so knowledgeable?”

“No, just a side line, I’m in the City. I hope you don’t mind but could I leave you with Stasiek, my Architect and Structural Engineer. I need to get back to my office. When you serve the notices can you consent to pierce inspection doorway so that work can start on the adjoining properties. I don’t like the idea of a pool of sludge ready to slide into my basement.”

“Sure thing Mr. Renton, I’ll get these notices through right away and thank you on behalf of the Council for your cooperation and identifying this problem. I would appreciate you not broadcasting the matter since we would want to solve the matter quickly and quietly. Would you know if the terrace opposite has the same issue?”

“Haven’t considered that, according to Stasiek they were built later and may not have this false basement. Bye Mr. Williams, keep in touch please.”

“Renton, you were fantastic!” shouted Stasiek down the phone.

“You don’t need to shout down those things Stasiek.”

“Mr. Renton, you are lying on a fortune.”

“I think the term is ‘sitting’ Stasiek.”

“OK, OK, you are sitting on a fortune. We develop road, easy, sell or rent car spaces, build huge block of flats. I draw plans.”

“Don’t forget Stasiek, you have invested fifty grand and a portion of this ‘fortune’ will be yours.”

“Oh, thank you Mr. Renton, you clever, how you say ‘chap’ Mr. Renton.”

“One more ‘Mr.’ and I’ll cancel my agreement.”

“Err, sorry Renton, Williams called you ‘Mr.’ and Stasiek confused.”

“You’ll get the hang of it. Mr. Williams calls me Mr. Renton until I allow him to call me Renton. I’ll try and explain the social complexities another time, over a shot of vodka. Must go now.”

“Renton, Renton, we make fortune from other houses. We own access, we set terms, yes?”

“You’re right Stasiek, we have set the ball rolling and let’s see where it ends up.”

“Renton, we need much money for development.”

“Don’t worry Stasiek, I know where we can get some.”

I arrived home and found Jadja and Stasiek engrossed over plans and drawings, laid out on a large wooden table. I didn’t possess a table or an assortment of chairs until now. Without a ‘hello’ or ‘nice to see you Renton’ Jadja jumped up and demanded my wallet. Bemused, I handed it over and watched as Jadja thumbed through it and withdrew a couple of business cards. She showed one to Stasiek then looked at me for an explanation.

“I’ll explain and Stasiek, you can translate for Jadja,” as I pulled up a rickety chair and they both looked intently at me. “At the suggestion of my good friend Partinger, I set up a Company. I’m the MD, Managing Director, he’s the Finance Director, you Jadja are the Company Secretary and you Stasiek are the Operations Director.” I waited until all this was relayed in Polish amidst much gesticulation. “It’s more tax efficient and we can raise capital more easily. I had an Estate Agent value our holdings approximately. Without doing anything, we have already more than doubled our assets. Your fifty grand investment is now worth a hundred grand.” I waited again whilst they threw the information back and forth digesting it. I held up my hand to prevent further questions and continued. “If we develop to a high standard all six basements and build a block of flats, we can increase the value four fold according to my friend and probably more. Your investment then becomes four hundred grand Stasiek.” They huddled together, discussing this with an air of disbelief.

“You Rentonmillionaire!” announced Stasiek looking at me intently. Since I borrowed over seven hundred thousand so far, I did a quick calculation, subtracted my extensive borrowings, I nodded in agreement adding, “Not skint no more!” Jadja jumped up and gave me a bear hug kissing me until I pushed her away whilst Stasiek brought out a bottle from the freezer and was filling the glasses. “Now Stasiek, please hold Jadja down. I have some more good news. I will only tell if she promises not to break my bones and dissolve me with kisses. OK?” Stasiek translated and I got a curt nod from Jadja with a sulky pout. “For Jadja, we have also invested a nominal sum of fifty grand which she can pay the Company out of her profits, when that time comes.” This was translated into Polish and I stuck my cold glass out for protection from the expected attack. It came but Stasiek kept her at bay until she calmed down. “Now show me what you have been planning here Stasiek.” Whilst Stasiek showed me his extensive array of plans and sketches, Jadja started piling three plates with food. A plate was carefully placed before me, on top of the plans with a knife and fork. It was a sort of Polish version of ‘Choucroute’ called bigos, based on sauerkraut with lumps of sausage, various meats, potatoes and gherkins. I noticed I had a larger portion. I held up my glass and gave a toast, “Nazdrowie!” and they both shouted out the same and burst into a Polish song. To celebrate I took them to a club that night so that Jadja could use up her excess energy dancing.

Chapter 10

Next morning I was roughly awoken with Jadja demanding in recognisable gestures, what she was to wear for her shopping trip? I had to wake Stasiek so that he could explain that the whole point was for her to buy clothes for herself and she didn’t need to dress up. I then got my coffee and slabs of toast accompanied by threatening gestures if I was wrong and setting her up. Before leaving for office, I gave her Yolanda’s address, phone number and money for a taxi and escaped before another onslaught. I got another few phone calls from Stasiek with some proposals to mull over and an important call from Mr. Williams telling me that the Chief Planning Officer had agreed to our proposal and accepted that we could pierce the walls for further works. He apologised that he had to serve a notice on us but it was simply a technicality since we had done most of the work already. He would serve the notice on the other owners when they had been established. I then dropped the bombshell which left him spluttering, that I was the owner of the land of the first six plots. He recovered and said he would post the rest of the notices that day, adding that I was a lucky beggar. I mentally agreed.

The office was getting excited by the prospects of a party that night. I had a reputation for throwing a good do and others demanded invitations. I responded as nicely as I could explaining that it was strictly for my section so that we could do some bonding, which was a lie since I had invited other friends and Yolanda’s girl friends to make the party go with a swing. I was delayed to the venue by some business matters so that when I arrived, the party was in full swing with the champagne flowing freely. I caught Yolanda’s eye with a question and she pointed towards the dance floor where Jadja was strutting her stuff, surrounded by a group of admiring men including good old Partridge whose tongue was out to his knees admiring Jadja who looked fabulous. Yolanda then pointed to a mass of expensive looking shopping bags in the corner and gave me a wink. I took a glass of champagne and quietly sidled to a corner seat where Stasiek was sitting talking to some of Yolanda’s friends. He pointed to Jadja and mouthed a ‘thank you’. He was wearing my old cord jacket with its sleeves pushed up, looking a real tough hombre and the girls were adoring him. Jadja spotted us and rushed over. She twirled around so we could admire her dress, what there was of it and high heels. She slipped up besides me on the bench seat and gave me a peck on the cheek and then proceeded to take out her new mobile to exhibit. Partridge came over and we sent the girls, apart from Jadja off on the pretext that we were planning some entertainment for later. Partridge admitted he had ordered an act for me, a ladies pop band and later admitted that he was their fan, probably their only fan.

We all formerly shook hands on the formation of Renton, Renton and Associates and Partridge asked Stasiek if he had done any costing yet. Stasiek gave him some ball park figures which appeared an awful lot of money but Partridge didn’t blink an eyelid and said he would come up with double the money since we might want to buy some more basements in the terrace once the owners got the notices through the post and then we made some quick contingency plans if the owners played hard ball, once they realised the true value of what they were sitting on. Jadja demanded to know what her role was in all of this and Partridge, bless his cotton socks, told her through Stasiek that she had to dance with him all night. We broke up our first Board Meeting and joined them on the dance floor.

“Renton, this Partridge, he very young to have all this money, no?”

“His father owns a private investment bank and he has access to millions. Not his own but for investment. Partridge is very clever and makes lots of money for his investors. Yes, he is young but his father acts as security if you understand. He invested his mother’s inheritance when he was still in the sixth form at school and doubled it for her.”

“Good friend.”

“Yes, a good friend Stasiek. I have plenty of good friends and you are one of them.”

I had to look after myself the next morning, woken by the alarm instead of Jadja with coffee. She was still sprawled out on her bed, snoring away quietly. I covered her up and also Stasiek who hadn’t even bothered to undress. I made a mental note to donate that crumpled jacket to him. I must admit I didn’t feel all that good myself even though I had tried to pace myself with the booze. Jadja and Stasiek, I noted, could hold their liquor remarkably well. The quantities they put back would have felled a giant. I smiled when I thought of Jadja shopping with Yolanda in her favourite boutiques. She had caused quite a stir and was given many of the clothes as gifts on the promise she came back and entertained them.

It was quiet in the office as I did my rounds. They shook hands in greeting and the girls gave me a kiss on the cheek and all agreed that they had a rough night but excellent entertainment. I passed on my condolences to all for their head aches and went back to my phone calls and searching for the right angle for investment. That evening my designer friends called for me at the office and we went back to my basement for a viewing and discussion on the possibilities followed by a promised visit to some expensive restaurant.  Stasiek had prepared a number of outline plans and some layouts and designs of his own. Alice and Donald were enthralled by the possibilities of the cavern as we had nicknamed it, the basement and also the coal bunker under the pavement that I never knew even existed. I certainly had no reason to venture into that dank looking place. After much discussion and viewings we all sat down around the table and Stasiek got out the plans whilst Alicetook out a large pad of plain paper plus a handful of coloured felt tipped pens.

The real work started with ideas flowing back and forth whilst I tried to absorb and imagine what they were planning. I was saved by Alice quickly drawing up the commonly most popular designs. Seeing the drawings Jadja dived in with a felt tipped pen and started to all our amazement producing fabulous drawings of her own. I remembered that she had studied art and design in Krakowbut I hadn’t realised what a good an artist she was. Even Alice had to give way and admire her output. We finalised a design for all three areas and Stasiek agreed to put forward a costing. Aliceenquired how he would achieve that and he replied, on the internet at the local library. Donald insisted he came to their offices where he would have access to all the latest Architectural and Design facilities. We decided to take a pad and pens to the restaurant to continue the discussions there over a good dinner and fine wine. Donald drove us to his garage and we then caught a cab. It was to prove a memorable night not least that I discovered that Jadja spoke good French and carried on conversing with Aliceall night and telling all her about her recent adventures and more. Some of her tales about me were embarrassing but I didn’t let on that my French was more than passable having spent summers in Nice and Cannes with some rich school friends. Alice wanted to give Jadja a job immediately on the strength of her drawing and design abilities but Jadja wanted to have more free time to learn English and explore London. We agreed that Alice and Donald would come up with the final design, free of charge for the benefit of the subsequent publicity.

Next evening, after another strange but tasty Polish dish, Stasiek said he had something to show me and he placed an accountant’s pad on the table plus the ubiquitous bottle of vodka and three glasses. This was going to be another interesting evening I mused. He showed me the accounts for the project so far as far as his costs were concerned. They were highly detailed listing all the hours he and Jadja had spent on my project with his charges split into Professional and Labour costs. Fortunately, Partridge had tutored me on reading accounts and balance sheets so I could follow quite easily. We were already indebted to the tune of four thousand pounds in fees, materials, equipment hire and labour costs, including bits of subcontracting. A couple of thousand had already been paid out by Stasiek from his own funds which left me embarrassed that I hadn’t enquired earlier. I suggested that I present the accounts to Partinger for re-imbursement and that I would let him have a float of several thousand. Stasiek told me that wouldn’t be necessary and he would rather use his own funds and present the accounts at intervals. He then suggested that his own and Jadja’s labour costs should be part of their investment. I liked the idea of growing their stake and suggested that we raise that at the next Board Meeting which was likely to be at a fancy restaurant chosen by Partridge, after the fashion show on Saturday. I proposed that I provide Stasiek a laptop and large sized printer with a Design and Financial package so that he could do his work more easily. He was delighted, more so when I offered to put a phone line in the basement with broadband. I asked if he needed anything else and he sheepishly suggested I get him some Architectural drawing equipment. I told him to check what Donald had in his office and order the stuff from him at trade prices and some sketch pads and pens for Jadja while he was at it. Laughingly he suggested we should get a big wardrobe for Jadja to house all her clothes. He didn’t translate that bit. I went off to meet some friends and left them discussing the proposals and found them still at it when I returned just before midnight. It was the first time that I had witnessed them preparing for bed. Good job I was broad minded as Jadja wandered around half undressed, making my bed up, doing her ablutions before kissing me on the cheek ‘good night’ and hopping into her own bed.

In the following weeks, plans for the access road were submitted, plans for the basement passed and the design finalised. We also submitted plans for the other five basements along with the access road. As predicted the other landlords and owners of other basements were somewhat miffed by the Notices they received from the Council and I was inundated with calls, some offering the sale of basements for preposterous prices and others demanding access rights. I batted them all away and told them to come back with some reasonable price once they had thought the whole thing through and put a reasonable value to their problem. I assured them I was not averse to helping them out but they couldn’t and wouldn’t take advantage of my goodwill. The landlords of the basements I had bought all came back in a rage that I had rooked them blind when I pointed out that it was me that had taken all the risks and they had accepted, greedily at the time, an inflated asking price on their properties and it was me that was being served with the Notices not them. Most of them accepted the inevitable but some threatened me with legal action. I responded that they could waste their money if they wanted and if they wanted to stop or delayed the work, I could have the whole building condemned if they started that game. I gave them the name of a firm of famous London Solicitors and a name to contact if they wanted to pursue their case. A good friend from my College worked there for his father. He told me later that he had a couple of grovelling letters of apology for raising a case and subsequently convincing their client to drop it quietly.

Stasiek had a temporary access road constructed and with a JCB and a couple of hauliers was shifting the rubbish and rubble from the back of our houses, exposing the original levels. A gang of Polish workmen had ensconced themselves in a couple of portable buildings and a portable office suddenly appeared for the site foreman. One of the basement flats became vacant and we transferred into that whilst ours was being gutted. I was busy with my team and Jadja was going to English classes at the local College and spending the rest of her time at the design office with Aliceor at photo shoots and fashion shows with Yolanda. I got an infrequent call demanding I be home for the dinner that she was cooking. I saw even less of Stasiek who was acting as Clerk of Works on all the projects and also offering his services at substantial fees to check out the state of the basements of the other buildings served with the Notice. We later found that other surveyors wouldn’t even touch the jobs and we could have charged more. Eventually all the owners succumbed to some form of a deal on their basements. We bought three more outright and for the others contracted our building services and expertise. The owner of adjoining number seven thought he had us over a barrel, asking a ridiculous sum for his basement and refused us access over his land at the back. We just laughed in his face and refused access to his chosen surveyor who was just as happy not to do the job and we surveyed the houses opposite on the condition we had access rights over their land. We simply bypassed his precious piece of land to his rancour, until the Council Solicitors made him see sense and he finally succumbed and sold at a fair price. I later found that the landlord was the father of a good friend and we could have come to an amicable arrangement probably, at the very beginning. That’s life!

At one of our Board Meetings, I managed to persuade Stasiek and Jadja to go and view my old home, the Manor, which was still for sale. Partridge insisted it had development potential. He even offered them his father’s Roller and chauffeur to take them there and booked them for a night at a swish restaurant hotel. They were to pretend to be rich Russians looking for a country retreat away from their Londonpalace. They eventually went and Jadja brought back some photos of me when I was a young lad that she had snaffled. Stasiek admitted that there was potent for development but the asking price of almost two million seemed laughable. Jadja showed us some drawings of the place she had sketched and also of the development potential that Stasiek had proposed. I must admit I had a bout of nostalgia for the farm. Partridge settled the matter as usual by telling us we should offer the outstanding loan plus all the selling costs. He would do it in his own name and transfer the deeds to the Company if Lord and Lady Renton agreed to sell. They nearly bit his hand off but I felt at least, I had done something for them, got them out of a financial mess and got back my own house even though I didn’t feel any obligations to them at all. It was simply a business deal. Later we bought back the paddock and some woodland which enhanced the potential of the site further. A hotel company bought the whole lot from us within a month for over two million, with outline planning permission and engaged the services of a very good Architect and Design team, well known to us, for the full conversion, to a state-of-the-art boutique hotel.

Although I passed my old basement every day, I was not allowed even a peek, on pain of death, until the whole job was finished and the apartment fully furnished. I was peeved that I couldn’t have any say in the interior décor but as Stasiek put it ‘if I could put up with living in a shit house’ then any transformation should be acceptable to me.

Chapter 11

Six months was up in my new position as section leader and I decided to have a general review with my team. “Right guys and dolls, what you want to hear from me is where we are on target and are you going to get a big fat bonus that you are all expecting at the end of the year? Am I right?” A load murmur of affirmation greeted me. “I keep this short since time is money to all of us. The half year targets that I set for you have been met.” A cheer went up. “Those were my initial targets that I set for you rabble before I got to know you and I can tell you now that they are double what the management set at the start. Since your bonus is geared, we are high up the steep slope of earnings. I’ll let you work that out for yourself.” I waited whilst the noise of excitement abated then continued, “Since I am a greedy bastard, I have also set some special targets which I have agreed with the Board. If we achieve those, I get a special bonus on top, equal to my salary and you folks get some not insubstantial crumbs too, so the message is keep your nose to the grind stone and stop thinking about what you’re going to spend your treasure on just yet.”

“Renton, does that mean I can order my Ferrari and Bentley Coupe today?”

“Sort of, but there’s many a slip betwixt cup and lip. If things go belly up in the World Markets tomorrow, then we could lose everything as you well know. So, for the next six months I want you to protect our bonus with all your life. No dodgy deals, no slip ups, everything to be kosher and above board. OK?” A general murmur of acknowledgement went around the room. “Now the Board have also agreed to up our anti by ten percent and I am of the opinion that you yourselves should take the full responsibility for investing that and the accrued bonus on that will be yours on top of the group bonus. Now there are two ways you can play this. One, you have your own plan that you have worked on, you can come to me and get second opinion, or you can say ‘bugger off Renton’ I’ll do it my way. Up to now I have taken the lead on all investments, now I’m cutting you some slack to show off your worth. OK? Now before you ask any questions, not that I’m going to answer any, since the whole thing is something you all did before in other sections. The mother hen has kicked her brood free. Where was I? Yes, the key thing is if you get into deep yoghurt, then any losses come off our group bonus so be sure and don’t take any flyers. I won’t be there with the tissues. OK, let’s go to it. Yes Suzy?”

“Renton, I have a lead I want you to comment on.”

“OK, class dismissed and you Suzy stay on for some detention.”

“I have some information on some Chinese stock that’s rumoured to take off. Here are the details.”

“Looks fine to me but that’s not my area but I know a man who specialises in these things. Leave it with me and check with me later in the afternoon.”

“Thanks RentonI’ll be off now.”

“Hang on Suzy. I need some pointers from you on a personal matter. I know you’ve been a Tourist Guide in the past and I hope to visit the Far East. I need to know what I should include in my itinerary and what is just tourist crap that can be avoided?”

“How long do you intend the trip to be, a couple of weeks?”

“Nah, a year or more. I’ve always been fascinated by anything to do with the Far East, China, Japan, Indonesia. I want to do a backpack type journey.”

“Wow Renton, wouldn’t expect slumming like that from you. Not your style. Birdie tells me you are worth more than a few million on the property front alone. You wouldn’t like that. Five star is more your style.”

“Suzy, you don’t know my style. You’ve only seen a recent manifestation of my act. Eighteen months ago I was as destitute as a church mouse with debts that would frighten you, living on baked beans, wearing cast offs and sleeping on sofas in shit holes. Believe me, I can survive all the deprivations that backpacking can throw at me.”

“OK, OK, when do you intend to do this trip?”-

“Look Suzy, I know your file. Come to Londonto do an MBA, work in the City to earn some bread, go back to Hong  Kong asap. You don’t intend to stay here all your life in this boring job. Only the thought of big bucks keeps you going. I’d like to jack this in today and bugger off around the World.”

“Please don’t do that Renton, I am relying on you for the big bucks.”

“That’s my sole ambition in life but a few ackers on the side always smoothes the wrinkles. I’m giving myself another six months here then I’m off. Keep that to yourself please. That’s why I’m asking you to give me some pointers. I want to see the big important sites but I also want to see real life and mix with the people as far as a Westerner can.”

“I’d love to come with you but you guys generally want to do Australia and New Zealand.”

“Why don’t you come then? We can leave Aussie to the Expats. And to the travellers that are shit scared of going places where they don’t speak English.”

“What, me with you?”

“What’s wrong with that? You speak Chinese, travelled extensively and would be an ideal travel companion.”

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong. Firstly, you are my boss, secondly you will want five star treatment and thirdly you wouldn’t want to be hanging around with me all the time.”

“You’ve got it wrong there. I won’t be your boss and with your language skills you will have an advantage over me. I don’t want five-star treatment. I want to stay off the tourist trail where there will be no five stars or even one star.”

“OK, but we would be travelling around like a couple. We would get rooms together and even the same bed at times.”

“I can cope with that.”

“Renton, you hang out with fancy models and celebrities not ordinary people like me.”

“Hell Suzy, those are trappings, accessories. I will admit that I enjoy it but it’s not what I want to do all the time. Don’t shake you head in disbelief. Just think of the business we accomplished by inviting along a brood of fancy models to a clients do the other month, eh?”

“I’m not sure it would work Renton.”

“Look Suzy, let me turn your question around. Would you sleep with me?”

“Renton, all the girls in the office would kill if it meant sleeping with you, including me!”

“Well just look at it as a bonus then. Let me put it this way. I will not hold you to any obligation at any time. You can dump me where and wherever you want and I won’t take umbrage. On the costs side I will pay for all of our flights and you will have an open ticket to anywhere, which will be your escape pass. If we have to stay anywhere which is classed more than a one star then I will pay fully for that accommodation. Just to warn you I have some friends I want to visit and then we may have to dress accordingly. I will pay all these costs if you will accompany me. If you want, I can fund the whole thing myself but I suspect you want some independence. Lastly to make my point, I want to travel lightly, not even a camera or phone. One small shoulder bag and pick things up as we need them. How about it? A deal?”

“A deal, you have convinced me but please don’t you dare breathe a word of it. If the office finds out the whole thing is off. It was only a wild rumour that you wickedly spread around. I’ll start on the itinerary right away. Tell me, won’t Yolanda mind you going off like that with some plain Chinese girl.”

“I wouldn’t call you plain Suzy, far from it and Yolanda and I use each other as props. We like each others company but there are no ties. I think she would prefer me to disappear and be off the scene for a while. She has plenty of other admirers that would gladly take my place. Now you’d better be off, before the office does start talking about us. Keep me updated please.” She left and I could hardly contain myself with excitement. I wanted to jump up and punch the air but instead I switched the phone on to resume business.

Chapter 12

“Hello Renton, how are you today?”

“Gerald, Sir Gerald, what gives, that you ring me twice in one year when you haven’t spoken to me for fifteen? Are you going to gloat or are you going to tap me up for some cash? Which is it, because I’m not good for either?”

“Don’t be like that Renton. I’m just trying to keep the family informed and working together. I wanted to tell you that mummy and daddy won’t need your financial help anymore. They managed to sell the Manor and have moved to that lovely place by the river.”

“I know that Gerald and they are in hock to the banks for even more. Is that your next tack?”

“No Renton, they managed to acquire the full asking price of two million for the Manor.”

“I suppose you provided all the financial advice and negotiated the deal Gerald?”

“Thanks to me Renton, I looked after my parents not like some members of the family I know.”

“They are not my parents Gerald, they are yours and you look after them and keep me out of their affairs.”

“Renton, they often talk about you.”

“Gerald, you are so full of shit, you are a wind bag. I know that Lord Renton sold the dilapidated farm for seven hundred and eighty grand and then it was sold on for two point three seventy bloody million without a finger being lifted. Do you know you have deprived your parents of over one point five million quid with your excellent negotiating skills and advice?”

“You can’t talk to me like that Rentonand the information you have is spurious, just a wild rumour.”

“Gerald, I hate to say this but with a few simple enquiries on you part, even you will find that it was me who bought the farm and then sold it on for a huge profit. Now, no one, not even I, can say that my parents didn’t do anything for me. Bye Gerald.”

I was still smarting from the phone call from Sir Bloody Gerald, when I arrived home, especially that it had dampened my excitement of my secret trip. Stasiek was there, Jadja was there and Donald was there, sitting around the table eating what smelled like bigos. Jadja jumped up and ladled a bowl for me and set it on the table by the spare chair. I sat down.

“We have a slight problem that we want you to fix Renton.”

“Hi everyone! The bigos looks good Jadja. What problem?”

“Well it’s the frontage to the row. It looks terrible and it’s letting the side down.”

“Donald, we only own the cellars or basements, not the stuff above.”

“That’s the problem. We can’t do anything about the ground floor façade which is in quite a state.”

“I hope you’re not going to suggest that we or I buy up all the ground floor flats Donald.”

“No Renton, we just want you to sweet talk the owners in letting us renovate the facades.”

“If you are going to do that you don’t need me. The owners, landlords will bite your hands off.”

“Well firstly we have to have their agreement and secondly it just seems right that they contribute something.”

“Let me get this straight, you want me to talk to these people and convince them that they should cough up some dough to renovate their facades. What’s in it for them and more importantly what’s in it for us?”

“We intend to replace all the railings anyway and if the facades were renovated they would improve the look of the building and the whole place would acquire a grander air. We would benefit from higher sale price or rental value on our basements and the ground floor owners would equally benefit. There is quite a turnaround of tenants so they wouldn’t have long to wait for a return.”

“OK, say they all agree but say ‘no dough.’ What’s our position?”

“That would still be great because we would do it and benefit ourselves.”

“How much would it cost this renovation?”

“Stasiek says no more than three grand per house if we do the lot in one go. That’s peanuts in the grand scheme of things.”

“Give me a price if Joe Bloggs an English builder did it?”

“Probably ten grand or more.”

“So my sales pitch is that you folks can have it done for a fraction of the true cost because we have a friendly builder on site, twiddling his toes, waiting for the next planning permission to come through and we are already paying his wages?”

“That’s it Renton, you know how to talk to these guys.”

“Now tell me what’s involved and how much mess and inconvenience our Polish builder is going to make?”

“Well, the flaky paint work would be blasted off, the Portland Stone made good including the fancy porticos, the window and door frames repainted and that’s it. Our basements would take the brunt of the mess but Stasiek can handle that. It would only take a few weeks or so to do the seven houses with full crews. All of the tenants are out during the day at work. We already checked that.”

“The mention of Portland Stone just rings the cash register for me.”

“Stasiek has checked and says the stonework is good it’s just that the grime and soot has darkened the surface and the past owners have covered it up with paint years ago. We uncover the beautiful stonework and there’s no soot in the air any more to dirty it.”

“Sounds too simple guys.”

“That’s the way it is Rentonand we would like you to sell it to the owners so at least they allow us to clean them up even at our cost.”

“OK, I understand the case. When do you want me to start?”

“We have a list here of owners and they already have been primed that you will be contacting them on a matter favourable to them.”

“Why couldn’t you sell this pitch to them, Donald?”

“Don’t be silly Renton. I would be hopeless over such delicate issue. Only you can do this. There are two of them you can contact tonight.”

“OK, I’ll do it but do we need any planning consent. Has anybody contacted the Council?”

“Of course, we have and they would be delighted if owners renovated their facades to the original state. Here are the two numbers.”

It took me a week and numerous phone calls to convince all the owners to agree and all of them agreed to contribute only half of the costs, a mere three thousand pounds, after the job was done and we would contribute the other three thousand pounds per house as our part of the bargain. I didn’t get any thanks from my lot, only a query from Partridge why the renovation hadn’t cost us a penny? He thought it a misprint in the accounts.

Chapter 13

Weeks went by with not a lot new happening, only with me champing at the bit, waiting for Suzy to come up with some itinerary for me to consider. The only sign of any substance I noticed with the development was that the facades were being renovated and as Donald and Stasiek had said, it was a vast improvement on the previous flaky paint. The old railings had also been removed and replaced by temporary barriers. I was itching to go and see the developments at my original basement but thought better of it. Jadja was now trying out her stilted English sentences on me which was fine but now they weren’t accompanied by bouts of giggles. Her looks had changed and I missed the homely Polish appearance which had changed to a sophisticated Londonlook. Even the meals had changed, instead of Bigos I would get Duck Orange, instead of Pierogi I would get spinach and ricotta tortellini, instead of homemade beef burgers I got fillet steak au poivre. None of the good basic flavours of good home cooked Polish cuisine. Life was getting boring.

“Hi Suzy, what have you for me today.”

“Not business RentonI’ve finished the first part of the itinerary you asked for.”

“I get a feeling that this is just for my benefit Suzy. You’re not pulling out on me?”

“I am getting bouts of doubt over the whole thing, I must admit. It does seem rather daunting to go with you Renton. People treat you like god around here.”

“We can’t discuss this here. You will get a message to go and see Mike about your pension. Go up to his office and I’ll be there. We can discuss things in private there.”

“This looks fantastic Suzy, just what I wanted. Off the beaten track most of it, great job. Are you pleased with it?”

“I suppose so, though there are some dots and tees to be crossed.”

“It doesn’t have to be done to the final detail. We need some room for on the spot changes. Just one thing I’d like to add, can you leave the main flights to me. I’ll arrange Business Class travel so we can do it in comfort.”

“There you go Renton. Five bloody star treatment, even before we have started.”

“Deeply sorry Suzy, I apologise, I was totally out of order. What I should have said is that I know lots of people in the airline business and they can arrange travel for us. Some of it may just be for free some of it may come as an upgrade. I can tell you, for me at six foot three, economy is torture. You would have to wheel me off after a long-haul trip.”

“Have you anything else up your sleeve then?”

“OK, cards on the table, I have friends in Tokyo, Beijing, Singaporeand Manila that I would like to visit and they will no doubt want to put us up in their homes or apartments. Yes, they will be swish and yes, we will be entertained like Royals but I’m sure you can cope with that for a short time.”

“But RentonI’m just not used to mixing with high society like you are. I would feel a right plonker with that snooty lot.”

“Suzy, you would be surprised. The lot I mix with would firstly be gracious to welcome you with open arms and treat you as one of them because that is how they were trained in life and it would be their utter failing to snub you or be ungracious to you, particularly since you are with me. They wouldn’t be my friends, be assured, if I didn’t think they wouldn’t treat you properly. You will feel totally at home with them and they will go out of their way to charm you.”

“Well, I’m not sure. There are a lot of snooty people around.”

“True, but they are the social climbers who think snubbing people is the done thing. You won’t be introduced to any of those by me.”

“OK, but I’m still apprehensive, but I’ll go along so far.”

“Look, I’d like to show you how I currently live and you will be surprised. I will give you a package to deliver to my home. There will be somebody there, Jadja, who you met at our do. That’s where I live with Jadja and Stasiek. The package is on my desk. Pick it up and get a cab.”

“I’m not sure what all this is going to prove Renton.”

“You’ll see Suzy. Secondly you might want to think about us doing a dry run, say for a weekend in Paris, Rome, anywhere you choose as long as it’s far away. You can then see if you can cope with me.”

“Is this a way for you to ask me for a dirty weekend?”

“Your words Suzy. Think about it. It may clear your mind of things.”

“OK, I’ve thought about it. I’d like to go to Parisand stay in some grotty hotel in Montmartre.”

“Fine, do you want to arrange the hotel then? We’ll make separate travel arrangements OK.”

“Done, but not a whisper to anyone.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.” That night I got a grilling from Jadja in her best English about a Chinese girl delivering a parcel to our basement. She asked a lot of questions about Renton and about the living conditions and where he slept and where he ate. Jadja was suspicious and wanted to know why I had sent her and for what purpose. I questioned her about what she had told Suzy and she said simply the truth that you did live there and slept on a sofa, made up each day and that she did cook for everyone, but not as often as she had in the past since she was going to night classes in English. Since Jadja didn’t remember her from the party I didn’t tell her that she worked for me, only that I knew her. Jadja said she left rather puzzled and bemused.

Partridge called a Board Meeting in a private room at his favourite restaurant. Alice and Donald were also invited and I immediately suspected that they needed me for more of their dirty work. Instead, they set about outlining a proposal for a new hotel.

“Look, we had agreed that we were going to build luxury apartments and sell them on in quick time. That was the plan, to release some capital.”

“Renton, there is more scope for a Hotel in South Ken than flats.”

“Come out with it, do you intend to run this hotel yourselves or sell it on to some chain?”

“We haven’t decided yet?”

“OK Donald, let me decide for you. We go for flats where we know exactly what money we make.”

“But a nice Hotel with restaurant would bring prestige to the terrace Renton.”

“Bugger the prestige Alice, I want to know what the return is and have we a buyer lined up?”

“All you think about is money Renton.”

“That’s right Jadja. I would like to pay off my debts and disappear off the face of this earth as soon as possible and I know and you know the flats are the best bets.”

“But Renton we need to take a considered position on this.”

“Partridge, whose side are you on? You have money invested too in this project. The returns have been minimal so far, only promises. If the market tumbles, then we are in deep trouble.”

“It’s not going to fall in Londonand we are well secure on the equity we own.”

“OK, will someone tell me what’s behind this? I suspect that I’m not seeing the full picture. Donald, you look as if you want to say something.”

“Well, we made a success of our last project on your Manor House and I think it would be nice…”

“Nice, nice! So high from your successes you want to do it all over again at our expense, is that it? You want to consolidate your position in the Hotel design market. Am I right Alice?”

“Yes Renton, that would be beneficial to us as a Company and we believe your Company would also benefit from a higher return on your investment.”

“Thanks for being totally clear about this Alice. I believe that my other three Board members are also in favour of this crass idea,” I asked and got acknowledging nods. “So, I’m outvoted three to one then? How long will it take for this project to reach fruition then?”

“Two years if all goes to plan.”

“What are the risks then Partridge?”

“Simply, we need to buy all the three apartments in number one, the end house. One of them is already up for sale.”

“What do we need the end house for? We only plan to develop the space beyond at the back.”

“Yes Renton, but if we have the end house and incorporate into the hotel then we make more money. Also the basement is not as large in that particular plot.”

“Thank you Stasiek. The plan has gone much further than I expected. What do you want from me then, more capital?”

“No Renton, we need your powerful persuasive powers to secure the other two properties that aren’t for sale.”

“I get it, you outvote me and then you expect me to get you guys out of the lurch?”

“In a nutshell Renton.”

“I suppose you have the names of the owners there Donald.”

“Funny you should say that Renton.”

“OK, on one condition that I can test drive each suite of your hotel for at least two nights including food and beverage on the house.”

“OK Renton, you win.”

I took away the owners’ details and did some research on them and top resale value of the properties. One owner was a landlord and the other owner was actually an owner occupier. I tried to determine what would persuade each owner to sell. The landlord was interested in a good profit and the other person, a widow wanted to move closer to her grandchildren who happened to live in Chelsea, a more expensive area. This was going to cost us dearly but the numbers panned out. The only benefit I gained for the hotel project was a speedy purchase and my partners were pleased with the outcome.

Suzy came to see me and flashed an airline ticket. “This weekend, we meet Friday night eight o’clock on the steps of the Opera.”

“Done, I’ll pack a toothbrush. Have you planned anything for Saturday and Sunday?”

“No, I’m leaving this to you but no dressing up, OK?”

“Fine, but I would suggest that for this test run and the main trip we dress conservatively but well. Clothes maketh man! I find we will be more acceptable in strange areas, wearing something good and reasonable rather than jeans and scruffy T-shirt.”

“Whatever you say Renton.”

I caught a noon flight on BA out of Heathrow with only carry on luggage so I could be the last on the flight, with no hanging about. Friends had provided me with a free ticket and first class. I didn’t even need to buy a paper or midday meal, all provided on board, with a glass of champagne or two. A taxi took me to the Louvre to while away the time and then I strolled to the Opera and sat on the steps reading Le Figaro. A cough made me look up and I saw Suzy standing there looking at me.

“You looked so relaxed there. I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“Hi Suzy, this is my favourite place to do people watching. Shall we pop to that bistro over there and have a quick meal before it’s too late. The French don’t leave it late.”

“Fine by me. Where’s your luggage?”

“Just a shoulder bag. Mind the traffic when we cross. It’s a bit hectic at this time.”

“Can you help me with the menu?”

“Certainly Suzy, what would you like to eat? Fish or meat. They have Sandre on the menu of the day. It’s like sole but fresh water.”

“Fine for me. I have a bone to pick with you. I was on the same flight as you today, in scumbag class.”

“Yes, but you paid good money to suffer back there, I got mine free,”

“I was quite embarrassed to know you. You flaunted in, last of all passengers, welcomed by the Chief Steward with a kiss on all four cheeks and escorted to your seat, with your own copy of the Financial Times, I recognised the colour. Champagne, followed by Angus steak washed down by best Bordeaux. I saw the menu on the net. I suffered a mouldy sandwich from a plastic wrapper and a miniature coke.”

“Sounds as if you are complaining? You should have come up and joined me. There was a spare seat next to me.”

“Leave off Renton. I just wouldn’t dare to saunter up and sit next to you, just like that.”

“Your loss Suzy, your loss, now eat up. Looks good. I’ve ordered some house red for us.”

“Thanks Renton. Do you mind me asking if anything fazes you? You seem to be at home in any situation and handle it expertly.”

“I probably inherited some of the charm from my mother who was and still is a social climber. I also worked at it to overcome my own difficulties. Basically, I was brought up as an orphan and to succeed I had to develop all my social assets and make myself liked by people. Then they would do things for me, look after me, give me food. Even lend me money. I’m not a con man. People trust me and have every right to. I never break that trust. Same goes for you Suzy, if I say I will do some thing I will do it, my word.”

“I must admit Renton, I’m more comfortable being with you than I thought. You have a calming effect. I like it. I think we had better go and check into our hotel. I hope it’s OK?”

“Let’s walk, it’s a fine night and there’s plenty of interesting things to see on the way.” We strolled along chatting and watching the world go by. Stopping at a bar for a glass of wine, we watched a group of strolling jugglers entertaining the passers by. We reached the hotel by ten and I hoped they would turn us away for being too late. No such luck, the ordered room was available and we struggled up the steep rickety staircase up to the attic. It was supposed to be a suite, a room that just fitted a small double bed, a bathroom the size of a shower room and an alcove with another single bed. It was a flea pit and smelled of school cabbage and sweaty socks. At least it was warm and we could open a skylight to get some air flow. I could see Suzy being quite uncomfortable and I tried not to show any emotion about the place.

“Renton, help me out. Please help me out. I didn’t expect this place to be so bad. I was planning for basic but not this. I feel awful, as if I was trying to prove something but this is not what I want. I’m sorry.”

“OK, pick up your bag and let’s just walk out. I presume you’ve already paid so the Hotelier will only be too pleased to have a no show. Let’s do plan B.” We walked out, caught a passing taxi which took us across the river to the St. Michel area, near the University. I rang the bell for the concierge who immediately recognised me and gave me the keys to the apartment upstairs and told me I was expected but the owner had left for the season to Cannes, as I had thought. It was heaven compared to the last place we vacated. A knock on the door and the concierge brought up a bottle of cold champagne he had kept for us in his fridge. Compliments of my friend, the owner.

“Will this do?”

“Stupid question Renton. This is fabulous. How did you arrange this? Was all this pre planned?”

“Not really Suzy, but I do have an arrangement with a good friend that I can use this apartment anytime I’m in Paris. If I bring a girl, then I get a bottle of champagne on the house.”

“So, you’re here regularly with your lady friends?”

“Let’s say I’ve gone through lots of champagne. Here, a glass for you and let’s drink to us and Paris.”

“I’ll drink to that, cheers.”

“Right, there’re two bedrooms, what arrangements do you have in mind. There were two beds I noticed in the last place?”

“Renton, I want to find out if you are as good in bed as all the girls in the office have heard you are. All except Crazy Kate who says you’re just mediocre but we don’t believe that you ever slept with her.” With that she ran into the bathroom, few minutes later ran across to the bed naked, jumped in and pulled the sheets up above her nose, with only two dark eyes showing. I placed a full glass on each side table and slowly undressed, watched by two eyes, following my every move. Naked I walked up to the bed and whipped the sheet off and leapt on top of her. She screamed, more from excitement than fright. She was insatiable and also noisy, enough to wake the neighbours above and below if they weren’t probably ensconced in their beachside villas somewhere South. Between gulps of champagne, she tried to work through a whole chapter the Karma Sutra. Fortunately, the champagne ran out and she fell into a deep sleep, exhausted. I took a shower, watched some French TV and joined her in bed. The following morning, I was up before eight to go out for the croissants, pastries and fresh pack of coffee and she was still sleeping soundly on my return. After my second cup of good black coffee, I woke her up as gently as I could to be faced by an irate Suzy demanding to know why I wasn’t still in bed with her. It took a bit of persuading to get her to get up and join me for breakfast without being dragged back in between the sheets again.

Since it was her first time in Paris as a tourist, we did the rounds of the famous monuments on the tourist trail, with plenty of stops at wayside cafes for refreshments. She tried to hold my hand but because the difference in size between us it was easier for me to wrap my arm around her shoulders and give her an occasional amorous squeeze. She was good company and loved Pariswhich made the whole day most enjoyable. We lunched at a small wayside bistro, sailed down the Seine on a bateau mouche to the Eiffel Towerand ventured to the top so that I could point out the key landmarks.

“Hey, I thought you didn’t like the tourist trail?”

“When did I say that? One has to do a bit of that in a new city. I think we saw enough of the basics last night in Montmartre to last me a fair while.”

“What do you want to do tonight and I mean away from the flat?”

“Spoil sport! You’ve done more than a fair job so far. I will leave it up to you Renton. You’re the boss.”

“Less of the Boss thing Suzy. Why don’t we have a nice meal in a fairly plush place, where I know we will get the best of French food and then see a show? The choice is a dramatic show, quite elegant despite the high nipple count or we can go to a raunchy show which only the French can do?”

“The first sound good the latter we can do ourselves Renton.”

“OK, we need to pace ourselves, no museums or galleries, no shopping or jogging because it could be a long but interesting night. You look disappointed Suzy. I’m not taking you on a tour of Asia for you to be a lay-a-bed.”

“Look Renton, don’t spoil it for me, it’s a girls dream to be strolling through Paris with a handsome feller like you. I’m having a wonderful time. I keep pinching myself.”

“The question is could you put up with me for a whole year or more, joined at the hip?”

“At this moment Renton I could do this for a lifetime.”

“Hey, steady on girl. We said no commitments and all that.”

“Can we kiss on that?”

“That’s my girl. Parishas got to you at last!”

We had a leisurely gourmet meal in an expensive restaurant and then strolled up the Champs Elysees, to the Lidowhere we watched a spectacular show, ending with a deluge of water flooding down the stage. I then decided on something more risqué and took her to a club in the Pigale area where there was no holds barred in the floor show. We happened to bump into a couple who recognised me and we were invited to a private party, someone’s birthday. I purchased a bottle of champagne at some ridiculous price and we all piled into a taxi. It was probably three in the morning before we got back to the apartment. The concierge greeted us with another bottle of champagne and we retreated upstairs to work through the next chapter of the Karma Sutra. It was ten before I awoke next morning and ventured out for provisions. I wisely bought some cheese and a variety of charcuterie, since we were going to forgo breakfast. I woke Suzy at noon and we lazily tucked in to a sort of brunch with a Bucks Fizz as an accompaniment. Suddenly Suzy flew into a panic.

“I have a plane to catch and I shall be late. It takes hours to get to CDG.”

“If you will allow me to get you a taxi to Gare du Nord, I will confirm your seat by phone then there is plenty of time. If you want to do it the back packer’s way and scrabble around on public transport, then you are definitely late and you’ll be in trouble from your Boss tomorrow for being late to work.”

“OK Renton, you win. In fact, I’m getting to like a bit of luxury. In fact, I’m thinking that I’m not sure that we are compatible and I think we may have to do another dry run in Rome.”

“I don’t think I could stand the pace Suzy.” I packed Suzy off in a cab and spent some time tidying up the flat, remaking the bed and bagging up any debris to throw into the communal poubelle. Handing over the keys to the concierge and thanking him with a tip for his services, I hailed a taxi to take me direct to CDG. I was again probably the last passenger to board the plane, to be greeted warmly by the Chief Steward and escorted to my seat in First Class. Next to me across the aisle was Suzy, fast asleep with a blanket covering her. What a waste, missing out on champagne and the best titbits that BA could offer. We landed and I asked the hostess not to wake her until all the other passengers had disembarked. The hostess finally woke her up gently but she jumped up most embarrassed that she had slept through the landing. She then saw me smiling at her from across the aisle. This flustered her even more and she grabbed her bag and shot out glaring at me, mouthing ‘I hate you!’ I followed her out leisurely, after having a chat with the pilot and staff, caught a cab back to the basement, to be greeted by Jadja with another cordon bleu concoction. Oh, what would I give for a good homely Polish meal of former times?

“Don’t you dare raise the subject of air transport with me again!” hissed Suzy, trying to look angry. “How the hell did you arrange for me to be upgraded? The check-in girl said that since I hadn’t confirmed, then they had let my seat go. I was cursing you. You said you were going to phone for me. I thought the girl had taken pity on me and put me in a spare seat, that happened to be free in First Class but it was you, wasn’t it. You that arranged this?”

“Mea Culpa. You should have realised that since I flew out with you, I was probably booked on the same flight back as you. Now, did I pass the test?”

“I’m too cross with you to think properly but I’ll let you know when I’ve finished the next section of our itinerary.”

Chapter 14

Partridge called another Board Meeting to be held at Donald and Alice’s offices so that we could view the latest on the hotel project. They all appeared very excited and there was a definite buzz going around. I couldn’t quite make it out since the plans hadn’t changed that significantly. A change in door handles and the colour of bedheads didn’t seem to be much to spark such exuberance. Stasiek suggested that we have a site meeting to discuss the new façade to the hotel that had been mooted and the rest of them agreed. For some reason Donald volunteered to pick me up in the City and drive me over to catch the place in the best light he stated and the others nodded in agreement. I should have realised that this was a set up.

True to form, Donald was outside my office, arguing the toss with a Traffic Warden for parking his Jag in a restricted area. I managed to sweet talk the lady Warden in to letting him off with a verbal warning. We drove a strange route and arrived outside the site from the wrong end as far as I was concerned. I remonstrated with Donald but he simply said that the road was blocked and he knew what he was doing. Sure enough, I could see a few policemen at the end of the road and no traffic flowing in either direction and thought nothing of it as I saw Jadja waving vigorously to me in greeting.

“Where’s Stasiek and Alice?” I asked looking around for them. “Aren’t they supposed to be here?”

“They are here Renton, just coming and bringing something,” answered Jadja with a broad smile. “Here they are Renton, just coming around the corner with a surprise for you.”

“That’s Yolanda with them. Yolanda, what are you doing here? What’s going on Stasiek?”

“It’s alright darling. Stasiek and Jadja invited me along this evening. We have a small surprise for you. It’s just an early birthday present that we would like to give you. Now before we show you your present, you will have to put on this blindfold and no peeking darling.” She took a silk scarf and tied it around my head. I could smell her delicate perfume on it. “Just take my arm darling and Jadja, take his other arm and just come with us.” They slowly walked me down the side street, around the corner and along the main road. As we turned the corner, I hear people clapping and as we walked along the clapping got louder and turned into cheering. We stopped and the crowd hushed as I felt Yolanda pulling away my silk blind fold. “Now darling, just wave to the press please.” I blinked and saw a large crowd of friends, colleagues from the office and photographers. I put on my best smile and raised my hand in acknowledgement to their greetings. “Now darling please turn around and view what’s before you and follow Jadja.”

“Will you cut the ribbon first Renton, for the record,” asked Alicegiving me a huge pair of golden scissors. I obliged and gave my best smile for the cameras and took in my surroundings. The basement entrance looked completely different. The black new shiny railings, opened out onto a platform and to the right, was a huge opaque glass plate, covering what was once a void, down to the coal cellar. The stone worn steps had been replaced by an elegant wrought iron circular staircase.

“Come on Renton, follow me,” beckoned Jadja and gave me a customary giggle of delight that I hadn’t seen for some time. I followed and saw the handrail had little lights underneath that lit up the steps ahead as you walked down them. At the bottom was a large glass entrance door, etched with a design that looked like splendid wrought ironwork. Jadja touched a button and the door opened and she led me to a hall with a massive wardrobe to my left, a large glass etched door to my right and a carved wooden door ahead. Jadja touched a button on the door of the wardrobe and it slid open revealing shelves and hanging space. She touched a button on the adjoining door and it opened out revealing a double mirror. “All mod cons for you Renton. Now go on, go and open that door ahead. Just touch the button.” I did and the door opened inwards, the lights went up revealing a small bathroom. “Go on, turn on the taps, which I duly did and sound of waves and seagulls started up. I flushed the loo for good measure and sure enough ‘Dam Busters’ music came up at full blast.

“Some minor adjustments needed there Jadja.” She just smiled as she ushered me out and pointed to another button by the second etched glass door. It slid open noiselessly and as I walked into the room, pushed along by Jadja. The lights went up revealing a splendid dining room and a kitchen beyond. “This is not my basement, it’s just too big. Did we live here Jadja? It seemed so cramped then.”

“Same place Renton, the same shit hole but smells sweeter now eh?” said Stasiek coming up behind me. “We lowered the floor and found a false wall at the end there hiding a huge brick kitchen range which we demolished to make more room.”

“Splendid stuff, Stasiek. Did you do all this?”

“All my own work with my splendid design team. Look at the glass table Renton. Jadja painted these London streetscenes and look up at the inset ceiling, again Jadja’s work, showing the main Monuments and buildings of the City.”

“What an artist. I knew you were good but not to Michel Angelo’s standard. Reminds me of the Cistine Chapel.”

“All the artwork here is by Jadja. You’ll see some more later. Look Renton, in the alcove, there is an office space with an antique desk and black phone. In the next alcove we’ve given you a seating area to while away your time whilst the baked beans are simmering. The far alcove we’ve left free at the moment.” I wandered around, gaping in amazement at everything. Jadja pointed out the oval island kitchen and pressed another button somewhere and the extractor hood lit up and lowered itself down over the large cooking range. The far wall was now a long marble bench with cupboards underneath that slid open at a touch of a button. No scrabbling on the knees to get things at the back. The back of the bench was mirrored in smoke glass so that the kitchen seemed to go on and on into space. Jadja punched another button and the corner unit rose up displaying more accessible storage space.

“Come on Renton, there is more to see. Follow Jadja through that door.” I followed through a new glass door into what was the former coal storage bunker to again find total transformation. The ceiling was part glass from the railings to the wall and solid, under the outside pavement.

“This is your pantry with fridge, freezer and wine cabinet, also the preparation area and vegetable storage. Through here is the laundry suite with washer, drier and ironing machine. Beyond is the technical area with the gas boiler for heating and water plus a heat exchanger to save your power bills, also the electrics and computers that control the whole caboodle.”

“You guys seem to have thought of everything.”

“You haven’t seen the best bits, come on Renton,” whispered Alicedragging me out. “Jadja, open the window please.” I was frogmarched out opposite the dining table which I noted could easily seat eight and made to look at a blind. A button was pressed and the blind raised itself revealing an ordinary window looking out at the street outside. I could see Partridge talking to Daltonand Suzy leaning against the railings. Quite an ordinary scene and not very remarkable until I realised that we were totally underground and this was an impossible view.

“Webcam on the wall outside and screens instead of glass. You can now watch the street live as if you were on the ground floor. Look Partridge is waving to you. He can’t see you but Alicehas phoned him to react.” By now people were streaming into the room, ooghing and aaghing at the interior, especially at my window to the world.

“More to show Renton, now let’s go down into the Cathedral or cavern as you call it,” said Donald as he guided me through to the hall and towards the magnificently carved wooden door which slid open and the light-coloured marble wall on the left lit up in an assortment of colours. Four broad steps led me to a dark slate looking floor and the lights rose to reveal a large chamber with a vaulted ceiling and large arched windows facing out onto a patio. The brickwork looked magnificent, as if it was only built yesterday, not a hundred or so years ago by some Victorian artisan.

“The lights are in this ducting here up above, shining both up and down Renton. The ducting also provides you with the ventilation to keep the place totally damp free,” said Stasiek proudly, “Under floor heating everywhere. Look no radiators. Climate control, not central heating.” I suddenly noticed a huge picture on the back wall which kept changing, showing scenes of the transformation process. “Projector hidden in ducting, also TV projector for you and speakers in ducting too.” I looked around at the lavish furnishings that looked ultra expensive and not totally comfortable. The exterior walls were all exposed engineering brick which I had helped to clean and the interior dividing walls were a cream coloured marble, just rising up to arch height and above was more glass, up to the vaulted ceiling. “Plastic, how you say, ‘Lego bricks,’ not marble. Can be moved easily,” commented Stasiek pointing to the interior walls.

“Looks great Stasiek, are these the bedrooms?”

“Jadja will show.”

“Come Renton, come Renton,” as Jadja dragged me through large double doors, again in glass into a large room with two large Art Deco wardrobes and an even bigger bookcase against the end brick wall. “No bed! Renton sleep on floor.” She pushed a button on what looked like a TV controller and the bookcase started to move and swivel around. Another button and a large bed, already made up, hinged down and settled gently on the floor. “Big bed for Renton when he fed up of floor.” There was a large arched window facing the patio and people were looking in. “I stop,” announced Jadja and suddenly the glass went opaque and the people disappeared. “Come Renton, see bath chamber.” It certainly was not a bathroom. A big sunken bath in marble in the middle, two large wash basins set in a marble bench, a huge wet room with a multitude of shower heads and another cabin which I took to be a steam room. I turned on a tap and music played. I should have known that there was another button to reveal a toilet chamber with bidet. I flushed the loo and as expected music accompanied the flood of water.

“Come see next bedroom Renton,” demanded Jadja as I was peeking inside one of the wardrobes to find my shirts, jeans and jacket hanging there already. I was ushered out and into the second bedroom which was smaller but had a bathroom with shower and steamer combined. The ducting in both bedrooms provided a delicate lighting to both room and ceiling. On emerging from the room, I found a gaggle of people invading the space, eager to look in all the nooks and crannies and play with the electronics.

“Come on Renton, crash the champagne,” shouted a voice that I recognised belonged to Partridge. “People could die of thirst around here!” Before I had time to respond, Stasiek ushered me out, through huge glass doors onto the patio area outside. I noticed that the Yorkshire stone slabs, formally in the cavern, paved the whole area, with brick planters against the windows full of blooms and large trees, screening the opposite terrace in large tubs. Tables were set out with champagne glasses.

“Come on everybody, out on the terrace, champers for all,” shouted Donald as Yolanda with some of her girlfriends brought out a magnum each and proceeded to pop the corks over the trees into the neighbours’ gardens. Other people brought trays of goodies and nibbles out and the party started to flow.

“Congratulations Renton, the place looks fabulous,” muttered Suzy hanging off Dalton’s arm. I felt a sudden pang of jealousy.

“Hi Suzy, Hi Dalton, I’m still in a daze. Got to get my head around this place.”

“Hi Renton, your usual suspects from the office are here. Had to drag Suzy here. She’s a bit shy, that’s why I’m holding onto her so that she doesn’t disappear. Will my bonus run to a place like this?”

“You’ll have to consult Stasiek over there. We will eventually have seven others like this for sale or rent.”

“Renton, come and meet Williams, the planning officer and some of his staff,” shouted Donald and pulled me away. “Invited them along to show them what we can do. They are impressed. Will help with future applications. Come and sweet talk them a little.”

“Come to save you Renton.”

“Thanks Yolanda, there’s a limit to what I can talk about with planners.”

“Rentondarling; you now have NO excuse in not inviting me around to your pad. I now understand. Jadja showed me the place you lived in before. I’m glad you didn’t invite me there. I wouldn’t have known where to sit. Who’s that girl, that Chinese girl that keeps looking at you?”

“That’s Suzy Park, she works for me and I think you know Dalton, why?”

“Nothing, just Jadja said she called around to your old flat and was shocked by the state of it.”

“Oh yes, I remember. She delivered some papers and Jadja must have invited her in. I hope she is impressed with this place? Do you want me to introduce her to you?”

“Hi Suzy, Hi Dalton, meet Yolanda. She wants to know if this is any better than my last abode.”

“Pleased to meet you, Yolanda. I’m certainly impressed with Renton moving up from a no star to a five-star place. It’s unbelievable that the upstairs there, was where he lived. Sorry Renton, I thought it was quite grotty. Now you’ve moved up to a palace. We are most envious.”

“Excuse me Suzy, I’ll leave you with Yolanda. I need to catch up with a pal.” I left them chatting and found Partinger unsuccessfully trying to chat up one of Yolanda’s model friends.

“Please Renton, help me out. I’m trying my best to chat this gorgeous creature up and she’s not having any.”

“Partridge, it would help if you stop lolling your tongue out and drooling at the girl. Sorry Amanda but this guy was brought up as a hermit and doesn’t know his manners. Why don’t you ask him to take you out to dinner tonight at the Savoy, in his roller and chauffeur? Teach him how to treat girls while you are at it. I’ll leave you to start again. Amanda, meet my rich banker friend Partinger. Partinger, meet the delectable Amanda. Bye, enjoy yourselves.”

“Stasiek, I need a minute with you now. I see that my clothes are already in the main bedroom. Where are yours? Don’t tell me you are not moving in here with me? Why? I insist that you and Jadja take over the flat and the main bedroom. I only need the smaller one. No arguments OK?”

“Look Renton, you now have fine home. No need for Stasiek and Jadja to be gooseberry. We fine in flat three. You live fine life here.”

“NO Stasiek, I insist. Firstly, I owe you for all of this. Secondly, Jadja can show prospective customers around whilst living here and thirdly we can get on with the next conversion when you move out of that ‘shit hole’ as you call it. I insist on one condition.”

“What Renton?”

“That Jadja stops cooking that French and Italian stuff and reverts back to cooking her Polish dishes. You have a word with her now and persuade her to move in tonight. No argument.”

“OK Renton, I speak to her but no guarantee.”

“Surely Stasiek, you can drag Jadja out of that damp scruffy basement into this palace?”

“Renton, Renton,” shouted Jadja as she hugged me and kissed me on both cheeks repeatedly.

“Jadja, Jadja, not in public. Ladies don’t behave like that.”

“Not bothered Renton. I love you. You are so good to me and Stasiek. You take big room Renton.”

“No, Jadja, too big for me. You enjoy space and luxury. I only need a small space for myself. Did Stasiek say anything else?”

“Yes Renton. He say you no like Jadja’s cooking!”

“I said nothing of the sort!”

“Jadja joke. Stasiek say Jadja must cook Polish food only, not French rubbish.”

“I like your Polish food. French and Italian I get plenty of in restaurants.”

“Renton, you come see fireworks. For you. For palace.” She linked arms with me and we went outside where we waited as Partridge strutted his stuff with his new girl for the night, setting off large Roman Candles. Jadja spied Suzy and was off giving her a huge hug. Suzy looked at me with a questioning eye. I knew her thoughts and wagged my head ‘NO’ and mouthed ‘she doesn’t know.’ The journalist from the fashion and house magazines accosted me and asked lots of pretty stupid questions, particularly since I was as new to this place as they were, I batted their questions in my usual expert style and they went off satisfied. I invited Donald and Alice to a restaurant but they were wining and dining some of the journalists present, so instead, I invited all of my staff, including Suzy, Jadja and Stasiek to a Japanese restaurant for sushi. I didn’t even bother to ask Partridge knowing he was head over heels in love with Amanda. I hope she would let him down gently, on the other hand, I had sown the seeds of riches and she was a bit of a gold digger.

Chapter 15

I came perilously close to ending an endearing relationship with Jadja. We were out for lunch with Donald and Alice who were keen to show off the proofs that they had received from their Magazine Journalists. Jadja insisted on discussing me with Alicein French and I turned to them and told them to stop talking about me. Jadja put her hand to her mouth in real embarrassment whilst Alice took a look at me and asked if I understood French. With quick thinking I said I suspected that they were talking about me since they mentioned my name and kept looking over towards me. Alice took that to mean that I didn’t speak French and they carried on. I was off the hook and relieved. Only a few of my friends knew that I spoke fluent French, with passable Spanish and German. The latter two I had learned at school and only practised occasionally.

A week later Suzy left me a message that she wanted to discuss Pensions with Mike and myself. I met her in Mike’s office at the appointed time and she took out a thick file of notes and brochures.

“Thanks for your housewarming party, it was fabulous. I just loved the apartment. Skyrocket away from the old place you lived in. I couldn’t imagine you living there in that dump.”

“Told you I could rough it when needs must. Who turned their nose up in Paris then?”

“Renton, you must admit that place should have been condemned. I did want something simple but nice. It looked fine on the internet. I should have left you to organise the accommodation”.

“But you wouldn’t have trusted me not to book in at some expensive hotel and then where would we have been?”

“I probably agree but now that I’ve tasted some of the high life with you, I wouldn’t mind a bit of spoiling now and again.”

“I take from that that the trip is still on then?”

“Not half. I’ve almost completed the itinerary and I’m quite pleased with it. There is one question of favour that I ask of you.”

“Ask away.”

“I have some distant family in China I would like to visit. Would you mind accompanying me? I might need some support there since these people are a bit grasping or so I’m told. You can handle people.”

“Hey, I don’t speak the lingo, unless they speak English.”

“I know but my parents want me to visit them to find out how they really are and you are so good at getting the best out of people. You can at least advise me.”

“Well, I’d be glad to help but not knowing the situation there I don’t know if I’d be of use.”

“I’m sure you will Renton. Now have a look at this lot, covers most of Indonesia, the Philippines, Indo China and China itself. Are you sure you don’t want to do Australia?”

“Only if we are short of something to do. Do you want to go there Suzy?”

“Yes, I would. I haven’t been, have you?”

“I haven’t been but fix up say, six weeks in Oz and two in New Zealand. In two weeks time, I’m going to give in my notice. That’s three months grace. You have a month so do the same in two months. It’s OK. You will get your full bonus plus a bit more for your Far Eastventures. Now leave your Pensions folder for me to look at for a while. Thanks Suzy.”

Life in the new apartment took on a new lease of life. Jadja excelled at her Polish cuisine and we all kept discovering new things about the electronics in the place. At night, when the main lights were switched off, if you stepped on the floor, little lights lit up in the slate tiles that guided you to the bathroom and back, then faded. You could change the music by clapping your hands, once to change the music and twice to stop it. If you turned both the hot and cold tap on, the beat would increase, so would the volume with the power of the water. In the early days, Jadja would rush into my room, thoroughly wet and without a stitch on, to show me some new element that she had discovered in her bathroom. Once she forced me into her toilet cabinet to stand in front of the loo to see both the lid and seat rise. When she stood in front of it the seat came down. How did it know it was a woman? There was a manual with the whole system but why should I tell her. It was more fun for her to find out for herself. Gradually she got the hang of all the gadgets and her flying visits to show or ask became less frequent. She loved it when Yolanda came to visit and even spent a night there. She would cook up the finest of Polish dishes, trying hard to reduce the calorie count. Yolanda loved her beetroot soup and that came in fifty-seven varieties it seems.

The work on the other basements suddenly took off as customers suddenly materialised having heard either on the grape vine or from various fashion, architectural and design magazines that there were such fabulous apartments for sale or rent, fashioned to ones personal tastes. Donald and Alice were suddenly overwhelmed with work from other clients wanting a similar face lift to their own flats and apartments. What I didn’t know was that they paid us commission on any work attributed to our apartment. The hotel application went through with only minor amendments, mainly to show that the Planning Department viewed these things seriously and were doing their job. The road and car parking at the back was completed and we had a flood of enquiries from tenants on the row. We gave them preference plus a discount which pleased the landlords since they saw this as an enhancement to their offering and promptly put the rents up. Stasiek had work piling up to last him at least two years or more.

Chapter 16

One day I arrived to find both Jadja and Stasiek looking very smart in new clothes and displaying more amour than usual.

“Hey, you two, what’s this in aid of? You are looking like two love birds.”

“Yes, we are Renton and Stasiek is going to marry me.”

“Has he any choice in the matter?” I asked jokingly.

“Do not understand this ‘choice’ explain please.”

“Sorry, maybe a bad joke. What I meant was, has Stasiek asked you to marry him?”

“Yes, yes, darling Stasiek ask and give me a big ring, look,” she answered showing me her ring finger resplendent with a fine cluster of diamonds. “You must be best man Renton, yes?”

“Gladly but when is the happy event?”

“In one month’s time in Krakow. You come, Yolanda come, Donald and Alice, Partinger and Amanda all come.”

“Have you already asked them?”

“Yes, yes, only waiting for you. You come yes?”

“Definitely Jadja, even if I have to walk there.” I got the customary bear hug and kisses whilst I did a quick mental calculation to see if it fitted in with my other plan.

“You now come and we all go to posh fancy restaurant. Celebrate engagement. Real engagement.”

“Where are you planning the honeymoon?”

“Paris!”

“Jadja wants to see Parisand I’ve only been there once.”

“Great choice but leave the arrangements to me. One week in a central Paris apartment and bookings to some shows and good restaurants. How will you travel there? Direct from Krakow?”

“Yes Renton, we are illegal remember. Cannot fly from London.”

“How are you going to get back to Poland then?”

“Renton, do not ask.”

We ended up with about thirty people going over as guests from England so Partridge, bless his soul, arranged a business convention in the best Krakow hotel for the duration and a private plane to take us there. Asked how he could get away with it, he told me in secret that he had introduced Amanda to his father who had been bowled over and now was encouraging his son to woo her with all his might and this would be an approved method of retaining her, he was certain. Anyway, he said he could personally afford it if it came to the crunch. Polish dinners went by the wayside as Jadja concentrated on the arrangements. My phone, her mobile, got a caning with calls to Poland.

Some superstar’s jet, a client of Partridge’s flew us from City Airport to Krakow. We just managed to all fit in, that is find a seat with harnesses for all. Once in the air, we were free to move around the spacious cabin. Partridge, Amanda and friends immediately bagged the bedroom suite and the rest of us spread around in the lounge. We didn’t bother with stewardesses on this short trip so Yolanda took over the function of barmaid and serving canapés. Amanda wandered through the cabin to get refills and I took the opportunity to have a chat with her.

“Amanda, what have you done to our Partinger? He’s full of beans. You must be looking after him well?”

“Oh, he’s fine. Taking me to Cannesnext month to test drive a client’s yacht.”

“That’s nice. I hope everything is hunky dory between you two?”

“What do you mean Renton?”

“Well just be sure you dump him gently when the time comes. Don’t want him hurt. He’s a bit fragile around women.”

“Is it any business of yours Renton?”

“Amanda, Partridge is a brother to me so no monkey business. I hope we understand each other.”

“Renton, I may be a scheming, grasping bitch but I’m quite fond of the guy. He’s good company and I think I’m good for him, bringing him out of his shell. My days in modelling are numbered and Richard is so sweet and rich of course. I think I could do worse than settle down in a life of luxury with him.”

“All these years I didn’t know he was called ‘Richard.’ I understand you perfectly Amanda but don’t hurt him, ever. You will have me and lots of influential friends to contend with, so no gold digging and exiting after a few years.”

“Renton, you know I’m a lazy sod, not a bastard. If I get into a groove I stay with it; too lazy to change. Anyway, do I have to have your approval before I pop the question?”

“The short answer is ‘yes,’ but I think it would be better for him to do that Amanda.”

“Darling, then you’d better have a word with him. I think he’s afraid that I might say ‘no’ and that’s the state you Renton, want to avoid, disappointing your dear friend.”

“So, if he popped the question would you nod your head?”

“Yes Renton, I’d do more, I’d rip his clothes off in public for that.”

“OK Amanda, I’ll have a word in his ear.”

“Suggest to him Canneswould be appropriate. Here, my ring for size, one huge stone, clusters are so passé these days darling.”

I accosted Donald and asked why Suzy had been invited to the wedding.

“Jadja and she are as thick as thieves together. Didn’t you know?”

“I know they knew each other but only as acquaintances.”

“As far as I know, Suzy, your Yolanda and Jadja, get together regularly for a girly night out.” I sought out Suzy who was sitting with one of the model friends.

“Hi Lisa, can you excuse us for a moment, I need to talk some boring business with my colleague here.”

“Renton, what are you doing?” she whispered harshly. “We shouldn’t be seen together like this. It will get out.”

“Suzy, it would seem churlish if a boss ignored his staff member all weekend, wouldn’t it? So don’t cold shoulder me. Act normally, even as if you even liked me. All the girls do. Why should you be so different?”

“But, but I can’t be familiar with you as they are. It wouldn’t be proper and they might suspect.”

“Look Suzy, they are more likely to suspect something if you remain aloof. Now, when I leave you in a moment to circulate, I want you to give me a big hug and lots of kisses. Tell them that I have just assured you that your bonus for this year is secure, then you can be more ‘familiar’ with me than before. I might even like it.”

“OK Renton.”

“Now Suzy, a birdie has been telling me that you have been spying on me. I’ll mention Jadja, Yolanda and friends.”

“It’s not like that, though I must admit, at first, I wanted to get to know about you and you must know you are a main topic of conversation whenever the girls get together. I only talk about you as a boss Renton. No mention of pensions or Paris.”

“OK Suzy, having had the low down on me, no second thoughts or doubts about the trip then?”

“None at all Rentonbut you will have to promise that you will pamper me occasionally. I’m getting to like it.”

“Promise Suzy. Now, I want you to shriek with delight so that everybody notices, jump up; give me a huge hug and lots of kisses, finishing with a full smackaroo on the lips. Let me get up so that we are on full view. I’m going to enjoy this.” I peeled her off me, tried hard to appear embarrassed and rushed off to the kitchen area to get a drink. I peek around the curtain to see Suzy jumping up and down, clapping her hands, with a crowd of curious girls surrounding her.

The ceremony was on the Sunday so we had a day free to wander and see the sights of Krakow. We visited the castle Wawel, viewed the famous Tryptic in the Cathedral and listened to the trumpeter in the tower have his warning call cut short by an enemy arrow. The pavement cafes in the market square saw a lot of our business. Partridge was on top form, willing to talk to any curious passer bys and many of them spoke good English. He bought them drinks and by the end of the afternoon we had a large crowd around us. He even invited many of them to the celebration banquet we were having at the hotel that evening. The hotel laid on a magnificent spread, laid out buffet style. The whole evening started and finished with the ‘Zakonski,’ hors d’oeuvers in Polish and probably about fifty varieties of Polish vodka which was served in generous shots that had to be downed in one. I was the party pooper and got the barman to reduce the volume to a quarter otherwise the assembly wouldn’t get to the main courses. I had to be strict with them all and slowed down the whole procedure and got the barman to clear away the vodka on the promise they would bring it out later in the evening. In between the courses and there were many, a band of entertainers from the Carpathian  Mountains played their music, sang and danced. The locals joined in the dancing and singing. Eventually some of us braver ones were persuaded onto the dance floor, to take part in the complicated reels. I was too busy ensuring that everyone was being looked after and no one was drinking too much because to finish off the evening, the Warsaw Village Band were to perform and I wanted them to have an appreciative audience and not stoned out of their minds.

The Band was famous, mainly outside of Poland, for their revival of Polish Folk music, played on original instruments but with a modern twist.  Some of our people remarked it was akin to Flamenco of Andalucia with the gypsy like melodic screeching and the rhythms. The locals were perplexed by the music but the band of entertainers just loved it all and joined in with their instruments and gave a wonderful display of dancing. The evening finished with a free flow of vodka and zakonski with no restrictions. My only duty was to ensure that the waiters got the names and addresses of the Poles so that we could pour them into taxis and get them home. The whole party came to a close well after midnight and many had to be assisted back to their beds. I bought the whole stock of CD’s the Warsaw Village Band had brought with them and asked the hotel staff to package them up nicely as presents for the guests at the wedding dinner. The bride and bridegroom had missed the evening’s entertainment which was just as well because I don’t think I could have controlled Jadja or Stasiek with their vodka consumption. They were busy with their own preparations.

The ceremony took place in a small church which was packed. A choir sang and the priest went through the whole process laboriously. It was all in Polish and I and my party had only learned a few party words like ‘Nazdrovie, prosze and dzienkuje.’ Jadja looked radiant and Stasiek had smartened up beyond belief. The bridesmaids, two of Jadja’s Polish friends and four models including Yolanda and Amanda from our party looked stunning. I was delighted to sit next to Suzy who in between wiping her eyes with a tissue, played provocative footsie with me. Outside the church, as the photos were being taken. Jadja came up to me and I gave her a light hug and peck to avoid disturbing her dress and make up. She grabbed my hand and pressed it against her thigh.

“Feel Renton, no VPL, no knicker line!”

“Of course not Jadja, you’re not wearing any!” To that she gave me a hurt pout and then dissolved into a mass of giggles. Mother had to come to the rescue with tissues, mirror and more makeup as I dissolved in the crowd.

“What did you say to her?” demanded Yolanda.

“None of your business darling, it’s between me and Jadja, our secret.”

Coaches, cars, and horse drawn carriages took the party, noisily, slowly through the centre of Karkow and to the hotel for the celebratory dinner. I gave a short speech which was then translated into Polish by Stasiek’s brother and it seem to have gone down better with the Polish guests, probably through the enhancements or maybe the gains in translation. Lots of toasts with a lot of vodka consumed by all followed. A band struck up and we all took to the dance floor. I had to dance with all the girls and amused the crowd when I picked up Suzy off her feet and danced with her in my arms at my height. She wasn’t amused and managed to kick me hard which got the crowd cheering madly. The events had to come to an end because we had a plane to return to its rightful owner. After a big send off at Krakowairport we settled into our seats for take off, feeling quite exhausted but elated. Partridge had arranged a small diversion for the flight plan, to drop the happy couple off at Le Bourget, for their honeymoon in gay Paris. After takeoff we, grabbed the most comfortable seats whilst the bedroom was assigned to the pair with a ‘do not disturb’ notice hung on the door. I found myself on a couch between Suzy and Amanda. Within minutes both of them had slipped under my arm and had fallen asleep with their heads on my chest. Partridge, I still couldn’t think of him as Richard, took over the comfort arrangements of all the passengers and went round offering refreshments, pillows, blankets and removing shoes for extra comfort. I was trapped between the two lovely girls so every now and again he would come around and let me have a sip of tonic from his glass. He looked very pleased with himself and I wondered if he had proposed to Amanda who was fast asleep in my arms, not his.

Everybody was aroused ten minutes before landing and the happy couple got a bawdy cheer as they sheepishly crept out of their bedroom to sit and be harnessed for landing. A huge black limo turned up on the tarmac to take them to the apartment which I had arranged for them, filled with lots of Champagne and flowers. The pilot had to hurry us back into the plane so that we wouldn’t miss our slot into the City and the limo drove off in the direction of Paris. Partridge had arranged transport for us back to Town and everybody refused offers of restaurants and get togethers. We were all knackered. I was going to spend my first night alone in my flat since Yolanda refused and I didn’t think it was right to ask Suzy. The freezer gave up a bowl of bigos, which I nuked in the microwave and I sat at the huge oval table with a bottle of Polish beer, munching away at my bigos, thinking over the events of the weekend. I made some fundamental decisions about my immediate future. I decided to move out of the flat and leave it to the married couple to enjoy by themselves. I would move into a friend's flat which was vacant whilst he was off on a long business trip.

Chapter 17

The news broke that I had given in my notice to leave at the end of my full year in the current position. The Directors spent much time, trying to persuade me to stay, with inflated salaries and important sounding positions but my mind was set. Daltonwas going to take over the section and I spent some time in the handover process to ensure he got off to a flying start. The event that got everybody excited was my leaving do and that got complicated when it was announced that Suzy Parkwas also leaving to take up a position in Beijing. I settled the matter by stating that since we were leaving on the same day then we should have a joint party at a Soho venue, with which many were familiar and they could contribute to the drinks. I insisted that they didn’t buy me any presents since I was off on a back-packing jaunt to Australia and was effectively shutting up shop in London.

I spent a lot of time with Partridge sorting out my finances and getting rid of my loans with the huge bonus I was about to get. I transferred my account to Partridge’s Bank as he was to run my financial affairs until I returned. Hopefully the Company would get into operational profit in six months time and healthy dividends would be paid out. Up to now we were in hock to the bank for many millions to fund the purchases and the development costs. The rents we used as cash flow for operating expenses but it all looked rather fragile. Partridge assured me that I was good for any size of overdraft until the cash started to flow in from the sales and disposal of assets. I left my affairs in good hands and concentrated on developing relations with my airline friends. I did have a fatherly chat with Partridge and assured him that if he was keen on Amanda then he should pop the question and he wouldn’t get a rebuttal that he feared. He was delighted when I told him that he should do it in Cannes on the yacht and I could find out through Yolanda what size of ring would fit and type of rock she would like. I suggested he consult Jadja on the design. After all, we had all admired her rings, designed by herself and crafted in Warsaw. His only issue was that I should be at the wedding to be his best man and I had to assure him that I would fly from anywhere to do that duty.

Yolanda as expected didn’t seem to mind the break in our relationship and was probably glad of the change. She wanted to advance her career and had designs on some Fashion Director and it would be helpful if I wasn’t around to queer her pitch. Jadja was most upset that I was to abandon them and kept sending me plastic containers of bigos, pierogi and beetroot soup to entice me back. Stasiek was now ensconced in Donald and Alice’s office, busy designing refurbishments of apartments and houses for other clients. He had appointed a Clerk of Works to look after the site work. He was so busy that the hotel construction was subcontracted to a firm of builders and he would provide the necessary labour, architectural support and a Clerk of Works to oversee the construction and development of the interiors. Partridge was insistent that we buy up any apartment that went up for sale in our row and develop it to the same high standards as our basement. The Company could get large rents or sales but I wanted to release some of my capital. I later found that he had gone on his own and bought up every apartment as they came up for sale and ear marked them for development by Stasiek and his gang, at a later time. He didn’t want the owners to get the wind that these were prime properties for redevelopment since it might put the prices up by the time he had sufficient in his bag.

The day of departure got closer and I had booked the flights and hotel in Singaporefor our first stop. I manage to sweet talk Singapore Airlines in providing us with complementary tickets, First Class of course and accommodation for a week in their staff five-star hotel. I needed to visit friends there and we could then work up the peninsula of Malaysia, up to Bangkok and further north then work our way East through Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam, to end in Hong Kong where Partridge was going to meet us and I had good friends to visit. Suzy was resigned to my City visits and saw them as little islands of luxury and looked forward to them for that. The leaving party went off in high spirits particularly since everyone in my section were assured of a high bonus. Lots of friends called in to wish me luck and even Yolanda arrived with her new beau to send me on my way. No one, not even Partridge had connected me with Suzy and she got lots of present from her colleagues and friends. I got a few books on what to do in retirement, how to eek out my pension and thousand of things to do in the extra spare time. Somebody even had the audacity to present me with a crochet kit. It all went down well. Daltonhad set up a website for me to keep an internet diary so that everyone could keep abreast of my travels and news. I had to promise to write a section each week with photos to boot.

Sunday lunch time, I turned up at Heathrow with my small black leather carry-on bag and foolishly, a copy of ‘Teach Yourself Chinese, In Ten Easy Lessons.’ I wore a check shirt with collar, a thin grey pullover, dark trousers, which the tailor assured me would look good and never need pressing and light trainer like boots. I met up with Suzy in the First-Class lounge and found her with a case ten times the size of mine but at least she was wearing a dark skirt, sensible shoes and a shirt like blouse.

“You’ve checked your luggage in I suppose?” she said haughtily in greeting.

“No, I travel as I stand,” I replied.

“Sorry, I seem to have packed far too much,” she answered with embarrassment.

“Don’t worry, you can dump half of it on the way, I’m sure. Anyway, is this the way a lady greets a gentleman who is going to take her round the world for the next year or so?” She looked at me puzzled for a moment then suddenly dropped her handbag, jumped up, hugging me around the neck, kissing me wildly, to the consternation of some fuddy-duddies and to the entertainment of the staff. I gently put her down onto a sofa and she burst into tears. “What’s the matter Suzy?” I asked with some trepidation.

“It’s nothing Renton, I’m just so happy. I didn’t think this would happen. I expected it was just a dream.”

“Suzy, I’m just as excited as you and pleased to get away from my regimented and structured life. We are off to have fun. Now what can I get you; Champagne, wine or vodka?”

“A glass of dry white please and a shot of vodka to settle my nerves.”

“Jadja’s been teaching you bad ways girl!” I admonished her with a finger. She smiled and burst into tears again, waving me away to get the drinks. At least, to order them since this was a First-Class lounge. The steward brought Suzy’s order plus a plate of delicate canapés. I was served with half a dozen oysters accompanied by a large cut glass of vodka. After a ‘Nazdrowie’ we settled back to luxuriate in our surroundings.

The long flight was uneventful apart from Suzy insisting she wanted to join the mile high club in the toilet. I told her it was a myth, since a man’s vigour receded with the increase of cabin pressure at that height and it was impossible to perform. She didn’t quite believe that but accepted that she had to wait until touch down in Singapore. We slept, ate and chatted over our plans. Suzy tutored me in Chinese so that I had a dozen useful phrases under my belt before the end of the flight. We arrived early morning and got the crew bus to the hotel. We were so dog tired that we showered and slept till noon without checking out if my manhood had recovered from the pressurised cabin. Suzy took me out to a nearby park and we lunched on various Chinese snacks from vendors.

“I thought it would be dangerous to eat like this, tummy bugs and all?”

“You’ll have to get used to it Renton. Anyway, it’s all cooked on hot coals and hopefully the bugs have got frazzled. We’ll keep away from the salads and peel the fruit. Bottled water and none of this juice these guys are hawking. Don’t know when they last cleaned their machines.”

“I’d like to try some noodle soup that everyone seems to be slurping.”

“Great, I’ll buy some but you’ll have to learn how to slurp. It’s an unofficial way of saying you like it.”

“Right, lead on McDuff. Just one point, we are invited to an informal lunch tomorrow to meet parents of a good friend. They are in the Diplomatic Corp, so take the informal to be formal. I will have to purchase a tie. Have you got a dress?”

“I’ve brought a dress but why do we have to go to such stuffy does?”

“Two reasons Suzy. One that these people have been good to me in the past and secondly, we will get introductions to help us along if we have problems and the third is I want to show you off.”

“You’re such a smoothy Renton, but I like you!”

“Now get me that bowl of noodles, I’m starving.”

“Renton, can I call you something else than Renton. It sounds so formal. Have you got a Christian name I can use?”

“I have but you can’t use it. My mother was into Evelyn Waugh when she had me and don’t you ever dare use that. You call me ‘Renton’ or just ‘darling’ will do.”

“I can’t use ‘Darling.’ Those fashionable wenches that you teamed up with were always ‘Darling this’ and ‘Darling that’ I’m not like that.”

“Fine, then ‘Renton’ will do just and I’ll call you Suzy.”

“So, I introduce you as Renton Renton then, just as you introduce me as Suzy Park?”

“It’s not like that, you’ve missed the English nuance; just ‘Renton’ will do.”

“So how about Rentonof Lord Renton?”

“Where did you pick that up?”

“Office gossip Renton. Also, that you never like to talk about your parents.”

“It’s not that I don’t like to talk about it. It’s just that I haven’t got any parents as such, ones that should have nurtured me and brought me up as a child. They disowned me from birth. Sometime, when we get really bored with each other, I’ll recount my life story and bore you to death.”

“Slurp your soup Renton, you need to build you strength up for tonight and don’t plead jet lag or I’ll suspect you don’t like me anymore.”

“Which chapter of the Karma Sutra have we got to?”

“Don’t embarrass a clean upright Chinese girl in public Renton!”

That evening we took a cab into a truly Chinese quarter of Singaporeand Suzy ordered a fish head curry served on banana leaves.

“Hey, these huge monsters are looking at me with daggers. Are they still alive?”

“Don’t be silly Renton. We don’t eat the whole head or eyes.”

“Thank God for that. I thought you were putting me through a training exercise in readiness for the outback.”

“Renton, you just eat the cheek. Peel it off like this. The bones give it more flavour.”

“I’m more accustomed to the London Chinese where I presume the food is made to European tastes and flavours. You’ll have to guide me through this Suzy.”

“Yes Rentonor should I say ‘yes darling.’ Doesn’t slip off my tongue so easily, yet.”

“Well get some practise in because you’ll hear it a lot tomorrow, at lunch. I don’t feel hungry anymore with that fish of yours looking at me with its sad eyes.”

“OK darling, you pay and I’ll get us a cab and we can get back and engage in some Polish ‘Humpy pumpy’ right?”

“So you have been doing your home work on me. What else has Jadja been telling you?”

“Nothing, but don’t you dare feel my knicker line in public!” With that she shot off to find a cab, whilst bemused, I paid the bill and threw a fish head to some prowling cats.

Chapter 18

I don’t know what Suzy expected but she was taken aback by the ‘informal’ lunch. I introduced her to Lady Crabtree and Sir Earnest and they ushered us through to a large sitting room full of guests talking very loudly.

“Darlings, Rentonhas arrived everyone and he has brought his friend Suzy,” she announced loudly. “Lunch in five minutes! Oh, it’s so wonderful to see you again after all these years. How have you been? Charles said you’d come, Crabbers to you Renton, we were so excited. Dear Suzy, you must sit next to me so that you can tell me all. Renton was never good at boasting about himself. Crabbers my son, had to tell me everything.” It went on like this without anyone getting a word in edgeways. I got a knowing nudge in the ribs from Sir Earnest and a wink.

“Good to have you here boy. I hear you’ve taken the City on and won Renton. I always said you were a good chap. You should have joined the Diplomatic Service old boy. We could do with bright young things like you. Shake things up a bit, what?”

“Thanks for the invitation, Sir Earnest.”

“Don’t be silly, I would have sent the troops out if you hadn’t have visited and I knew you were in the area. Now don’t call me Sir Earnest. Crabbers calls me Crabby because I’m getting that way. Now I have your number, I will call you and do come round for a chat tomorrow. Lady C will be at bridge and we can talk in peace. Bring your filly, she looks a good sport.”

“Hey Crabby, you are getting worse than the lot of them with your speech.”

“Sorry Rentonit’s just I get into the habit of it and that lot love it. Crabbers says I ought to go on stage and play the fuddy-duddy Colonel role. Come on, into the breach my boy.” The lunch was a formal banquet and since Lady C. took over the whole conversation, Suzy just smiled and carried on. After lunch the ladies departed to the garden and the gents took to their cigars and port. I was introduced to a young Officer in the Royal Navy and we managed to pass the time away happily. I was nervous of the reaction I was to get on the way back in the cab. In fact, Crabby got his driver to take us to our hotel.

“So that’s how the other half live is it?”

“I hope it wasn’t too painful Suzy. I didn’t expect that. They were entertaining an important guest from the States so all stops out on the ‘impressing’ score.”

“At least I didn’t have to talk. She did all that for me. Very pleasant but overpowering. I hope your mother isn’t like that.”

“I’m afraid she is and doubly worse. I have to tell you we have been invited again.”

“Oh no!”

“Sir Earnest, Crabby as he likes to be called, on his own. He is totally different, you’ll see. You’ll like him. He’s totally down to earth when not on show and has a brilliant mind.”

Sure enough I got a phone call next morning inviting us after lunch when Lady C was to be out with friends. We sauntered out that way, ate lunch in a park from street vendors and caught a cab to his mansion. He ushered us in to his office which was quite cosy and had some comfortable easy chairs around a coffee table.

“Glad you could make it and my dear I hope I can make up for yesterdays dreadful show, I’m afraid Lady C takes over. Impresses some and frightens others. Now, how about a drink?”

“Crabby, you always pride yourself in your cellar, how about something interesting from there, red preferably.”

“I’ll get George to bring something new from Chile which you will like.” He picked up the phone and barked an order. “Don’t take any notice of that, it’s all for show, I’m not really like that. Now dear tell me what Renton’s been up to. Has he been a good boss? Just call me Crabby and if that bothers you, don’t use any title, I won’t mind.”

“He’s been a fabulous boss and we all love him, especially the girls. He’s directed us from day one and as a group we achieved results and bonuses that have surpassed anything at the bank before. We don’t know how he does it but we worship him.”

“I know how he does it, through his network and contacts plus he’s so charming. Do you know he charmed us into donating ten thousand pounds to the school fund and we loved it?”

“That was peanuts to you Crabby.”

“Yes, but I’m a tight Yorkshire bastard and I don’t give my money away until you came on the scene and after you worked us over, we were willing to give more but you wouldn’t let us. That’s the skill that Renton has. We could have gone home and reconsidered but you made the sum seem paltry to us and we coughed up straight away. What’s the state of the market at the moment Renton?”

“Quite buoyant in all areas especially housing and power but the experts are frightened of over heating and are advising to claw back and retrench, others are going gung-ho and exposing themselves frighteningly. Money is cheap today and easy to come by.”

“That’s a neat summary Renton, backs up my feelings. I’m stacking my cash under the mattress for when I can buy good stock at rock bottom prices. Now dear tell me what you two are planning in Asia?” The conversation continued in this vein with Crabby, from seeking specific information to general but I felt that Suzy was quite comfortable in the company. Crabby offered us all kinds of contacts, throughout Asia and Australia, to use as we wanted. He would send me an Email of all the details. He managed to squeeze all the detail out of me expertly, of my life for the past two years, without me feeling that he was prying and revealing everything about me to Suzy. We left in a cab and Suzy eyed me up in different light.

“I didn’t realise you had such a complicated life Renton. Crabby didn’t think much of your parents or your eldest brother.”

“He unfortunately, in his capacity, has had to deal with them. They ignored me and I had to get on with my life. Thanks to people like Crabby I succeeded.”

“You’re certainly successful Renton. I had no idea that you were worth millions in property, never mind the half million or more you earned this year from your day job.”

“I hope this doesn’t affect our future relationship Suzy.”

“Certainly not but makes me more confident to do all this with you. You can conquer anything. Makes me feel safe.”

Chapter 19

We felt that Singaporehad given up all it had to offer and left the next day, crossed the Straits and caught a bus up the Malaysian coast avoiding any major cities. Destination anywhere. I did have a secret place I wanted to visit but I thought I’d leave it till later. I had some dropout friends who went off to Thailand to do their own thing. The village where they ended up was Poonong, about a hundred miles North of Phukhet. I though it would be nice to turn up and see how they were doing but I wasn’t going to push the matter with Suzy. I wanted her to take the lead. The journey in a local bus, meandering its way through the villages and towns was rather pleasant, even though the smells the people brought in did attack the nostrils. Suzy, at these times, gave me a nudge to stop me pulling faces. Every two hours or so we would stop and explore; if anything caught our fancy, we might stay on and overnight. Local transport was frequent but busy. I was starting to unwind and accept a slower pace of life. If there was no bus, we walked, soon to be picked up by a truck, van or even car. Suzy’s Chinese came into the rescue by explaining where we wanted to go and I, as a complete foreigner, was the element of interest. They liked my Indiana Jones hat that I had purchase in Singapore, plus some other useful things. We tried to follow the coast but at times the drivers would take us more inland and there we saw the rubber, oil palm and fruit plantations. Accommodation was never a problem, either B&B as guests in somebody’s house, a small hostel generally for workers and if that failed we slept on the beach under the stars, beneath a mosquito net. In most cases the accommodation was basic but clean. On the occasion when it was iffy, then we used my silk sleeping bag which was large enough for both of us as long as we were friendly. These occasions Suzy called my Boy Scout ‘Be Prepared’ training. The only incident of note was when Suzy’s trolley case got stolen from a bus. She was most irate with the driver but I managed to placate her telling her that she was glad to get rid of such a burden.  She now could stop worrying about losing it and necessities could be bought easily as we went along.

After a couple of weeks just meandering along, we reached Poonong and I suggested we buy some fruit and wander down to the beach.  I stripped off and plunged into the warm sea, swam, dived through the waves and generally acted the goat, to Suzy’s amusement. I got out and ran about doing cartwheels to dry off, then went up to her and asked her, “come on then, come in the sea with me.”

“No, there are people about and someone had to guard our things.”

“Suzy, I can’t see anybody for miles but if you are so concerned then I’ll guard and you play, OK?”

“But I haven’t got a costume, it was in my luggage.”

“That’s no problem, go without.”

“I can’t, somebody might see.”

“There’s only me to see Suzy and I might even enjoy the view.” She looked around, stripped off and sprinted to the sea. Her feet hit the water, tripped and she went belly flop into the soup. She didn’t look around but waded out to waist high and plunged in with a shallow dive. She was a fair swimmer not to Jadja’s level but quite competent. If we could find somewhere safe for our belongings we could have some fun in the sea along the way. I was trying to do handstands and cartwheels to get rid of the sand when Suzy suddenly rushed back.

“What’s the problem Suzy?”

“There’s some wind surfers coming this way. They might see me.”

“I should think they are more occupied with their sport than looking at you. Anyway, they are miles away.”

“But they are coming this way and I haven’t got a large towel.”

“Here, don’t be a wimp girl! Dry yourself with this small towel of mine and put your pants on if you’re so bashful. Sit down and the sun will dry you off in a jiffy.” She dried her bottom with the small tea towel, slipped on her pants, sat with her knees up to her chest and looked out to watch the two windsurfers streaming by us in the stiff breeze. They then got closer as they played in the breaking waves and eventually, tired, beached their boards not far away from us. I gave them a wave.

“Don’t do that, they’ll come here and see me Renton. Oh shit, they are coming over, what shall I do?”

“Just slip your shirt on, after all we are on a beach for goodness sake.” The two men waved and sauntered over. I saw immediately from their bleached hair that they were Europeans even though their bodies where tanned to the colour of the locals. “Hi guys, that looked some fun.”

“Hi there big fella, don’t see many whites on this beach here. Too far from the bright light for most.”

“Just working our way North, from Singapore.”

“We live locally, I’m Rod and this is…”

“I know who that is. It’s Jem, Jeremy Tyson.”

“Well I never, It’s Renton. What in the hell are you doing here? Last I heard you were a banker in London driving a trading desk. What a small world? Rod, this is my friend from school and a good mate. I’ve told you about him.”

“Jem, I knew you had come out to Thailand, but I didn’t know you were hereabouts,” I lied.

“Introduce me to your friend then, Renton.”

“Suzy, meet Jem, a school pal of mine and Rod. She’s a bit shy” Suzy smiled and nodded an acknowledgement.

“You folks must come up to the house and stay awhile. Plenty of room, unless you are desperate to move on? As I said, not many whites ever come to this beach apart from us.”

“We are in no hurry, no plans or schedule to keep so Suzy and I will take up your offer if we may. Won’t we Suzy?” She nodded her head but I noticed a desperate look in her face.

“Look, if we go and dismantle our boards, you can help us with the sails and we can get to our place in minutes. The rest of the gang will love to see you Rentonand you Suzy. We are short of fresh company in these parts.” We quickly got dressed, got our things together and trotted over to the sail boards.

“Did you plan this Renton? Did you know Jeremy was here? Did you?”

“Of course I didn’t know Jem was here!” I shouted not altogether lying. “There’s lots of Brits up in these parts. I shouldn’t be surprised that we come across somebody else I know by chance.”

“OK, I’ll let you off this time.”

“Look Suzy, if you’re not sure of the place we just up and go. Just tip me the wink. Come on, grab these two sails, we should be able to carry them together.” We followed the two lads off the beach and amongst the trees and soon came to a clearing. A huge dilapidated colonial house stood there with a few people lounging on the veranda.

“It’s better than it looks Renton. Bugs Blenkharn discovered it and set it up. You know Bugs, he was some three years ahead of you at school. Farmer’s lad.”

“Everybody knows Blenkharn, used to prop for the County.”

“That’s him,” replied Jem who then let out a piercing whistle and a shout. “Hey guys we have company. Look whose turned up? Only bloody Renton and his girl Suzy. We are going to have fun!” With that welcome about five guys and three girls rushed down to greet us as we dropped the sails and Jem and I did the introductions. “I think you only know Lucy here. She’s Rodderick’s younger sister, the one who insisted that her parents come on school visits every month, religiously, so that she could have tea in your chambers and ogle you. OK Lucy, you gorgeous thing give that great big hunk Renton a hug and snog that you’ve always been dreaming of.”

“Stop it Jem. You don’t need to spell it out so blatantly. Hi Renton, I must have been a pain in those days.”

“Hi Lucy, do you still take hours to drink your tea and scoff your cream buns?”

“Only when you’re around Renton. I’ll have that hug now though. That’s better, got that off my chest. Suzy, come inside with us girls, we’ll show you around whilst those little boys put the gear away and light the barbeque. Hey Rod, pop and get some cold beers from town, we are running out and we have things to celebrate.”

I let Suzy go off and watched as the lads got busy putting away boards, sails, canoes and dinghies into a sturdy shed. Jem explained, “Blenkharn came out here some years ago, found this house and stayed six months with a group. The locals were glad of some extra cash and looked after them. After six months the group pooled their resources and bought the place and some surrounding land. They got the locals to do it up for them and look after the place. People just came and went throughout the year, some for holidays others to stay for months at a time. Usually, people stay and contribute something to the upkeep and food. Any surplus is used to buy sports equipment like these boats.”

“Didn’t you sail Renton, in the Navy Cadet’s at school?”

“Yeah, but not sail board.”

“We’ll teach you and Suzy. It’s a sinch in these waters.”

“I’d like that Jem. Have you a cat here? I’d love to sail one of those here.”

“They have them down the coast Renton. We’ll be able to hire one for sure. Now let’s get the Barbie going. A couple of local ladies do the cooking and cleaning for us. The fishermen supply us with all the fish you can eat and their small holdings provide the veg and fruit. We only go into town for beer, cigs and occasional chickens.”

“Sounds an idealic life?”

“It is Renton. I came for two weeks. Gap year. Been here three months and don’t want to leave. Stay as long as you want Renton. It’s cheap. We only ask for a small contribution to the running costs and things.”

“What’s with the girls?”

“Oh, they are free spirits, mainly on gap years. The word gets around in the right places and they are invited to come. Usually, they stay for a few months and bugger off back to Blighty. There are no ties. If they want a relation so be it but there’s no compunction. It’s not a commune.”

“Does Bugs come out these days?”

“You missed him by a week. He’s one of the regulars that run the place. Rod is another. They kick ass if need be and ensure that we don’t upset the natives. Fraternising with the local girls is no go area. That’s about the only rule we have. If you don’t fit in then we persuade you to move along but that shouldn’t concern you Renton. You’re welcome anywhere. We are looking forward to some fun. Those two years when you were head honcho were just great. When you left for Cambridge, the fire went out of the place. By the way, the Head got rid of Major to all our relief.”

“So, our tactic worked then?”

“Not half. It was a wizard idea. We loved to win the rugby games then lose by a few points in the closing stages. Lost ten in a row, blamed it on Major, the pillock. He was a sadistic bastard, taking it out of the lower school. Bald Eagle couldn’t have his beloved First lose all of its fixtures. Taken on a security job at a supermarket was the last I heard. I’ll show you inside. The girls have probably allocated you a room.”

The beer flowed freely around the Barbie and the smokes that went around weren’t just tobacco but the atmosphere was good and even Suzy was enjoying herself and at ease with the company. Two local women prepared the food and handed it around. It was nice to notice that they were treated deferentially with smiles, pleases, thank yous and unsolicited help. That’s what Public School education gives you I surmised, the ability to be gracious at all times with your fellow man.

“Renton, we don’t have any electricity here and the geny is too noisy. We have a guitar though, can you play for us. You spent long enough on your music lessons and practise at school.”

“You know Jem that was to get out of detention and prep sessions. If you have a guitar, I’ll play but my singing isn’t up to scratch these days.” Two serviceable guitars were found and I tuned up one whilst Juliet tuned up the other. After a quick confab with her we struck up with a rock number and she sang, with me doing the chorus. The gang danced and urged us on to greater things. One of the local ladies disappeared and returned with a group of local people and a mass of children. One of the locals joined us with a drum and we became a trio. One by one the locals were persuaded to dance and the kids just sat on the ground staring, pointing and giggling as kids do everywhere. I noticed that Suzy was conversing freely with the locals and they seemed to appreciate that the Foreigners were able to parley with them.

“I didn’t know you were so talented Renton. What else do you play?”

“Had compulsory music lessons paid by Grandpa but spent more time on the guitar. Can play the piano, jazz and things and improvise but only for fun.”

“You were great tonight. I appreciated the way you treated our drummer. I’ve never seen anybody smile so much.”

“He was good and the locals were all treated well. Bugs and Rod insist on that otherwise you are told to pack your bags.”

“So the girls told me. Did you see the kids when you did ‘ring-a-ring-of-roses’ with them and those other dances. They were squealing with delight and their parents were so proud of them. I liked the way you got the winners of both dances to parade together at the end. How did you manage to get that girl with the limp to win the second?”

“I didn’t think it was so obvious that I fixed it. I just made sure to stop the music when she was inside the circle each time, easy.”

“Well thank you. Her mom says she gets teased and that was a great day for her. Now are you sure you didn’t plan this. This just seems too much of a coincidence.”

“OK, OK, I’ll hold my hand up. I did know that Bugs Blenkharn had a house of fun out here but I didn’t know exactly where. I must admit I hoped we would find it and I was going to make some enquiries in Phuket when we passed through there.”

“OK, I’ll let you off for now Rentonand before you ask, yes I would like to stay here for awhile, if you don’t mind. The girls are great and Rod said he would appreciate a Chinese speaker to help arrange repairs to the roof and things.”

“I appreciate that also Suzy.”

“Renton, I have to admit something to you. I hope you won’t be cross.”

“What is it girl?”

“It’s about the Chinese language. I got the impression you took me on so that I could help out on that score.”

“Well, you’ve done marvellously so far Sue.”

“Well, it’s not as simple as that. Most of these Countries have their own language, quite different from Chinese.”

“Well, we’ve done OK so far and you’ve been speaking to the locals and they understood you.”

“Yes, but I chose Chinese people to speak to and asked if people understood Chinese. Many do because of the important trade links with China.”

“OK Suzy, it doesn’t change anything with me. I’m just happy to carry on and let you communicate as you do.”

“Thanks Renton, I’m glad you understand and don’t mind.”

“Now Suzy, are you going to natter all night, or go to sleep or shall we continue with the next chapter of the Karma Sutra, as long as you restrain yourself and be quiet?”

“The latter please Renton, as if you need to ask!”

We stayed for over two weeks. Every night was party night with the locals arriving in droves. We would start with kid’s games and dances first, teaching them various Scottish reels and Irish jigs. I don’t know what they made of it but enjoyed it all thoroughly. Once the kids were tired out we got into the rock and soul music with Juliet and Tress singing and the rhythm section on drums had grown to three plus a girl on a tambourine. We supplied the beer for the men and the local women brought food and fruit juices for all. During the day we swam, canoed and learned how to windsurf. I was more than miffed when I found Suzy doing better then me. I put it down to her lower centre of gravity but she objected to me calling her a low down bum. Quite rightly so! Rod drove me to a small resort further down the coast and I hired a catamaran and arranged for them to sail it to our beach. We all had such good fun with it that I bought it for the house, as our contribution to our stay. The kids from the local school would come down at about lunch time and Suzy would tell them stories about her time in Europe with the help of a teacher translating into Thai.The older boys taught us how to play badminton and we taught them to swim and play beach volleyball. We had to order some more nets and balls from Phuket so that we could set up courts for all ages. Cricket was introduced but the rules seemed over complicated, but rounders went down a treat. By the end of the second week, we found the lunch hour had extended to at least two but the teachers didn’t mind and the kids loved it.

Chapter 20

We made some good friends there at Poonong amongst the Brits and the locals, especially the fishermen who where only too happy to take us out with them at night. As the saying goes, ‘All good things must come to an end.’ We said our goodbyes with promises to stay in touch and wended our way Northwards, along the coast and crossed over towards Bangkok. By now Suzy had accumulated a roughly woven bag for her sarong, few spare clothes and a hand towel for the beach. I suggested a bathing costume and got a look of ‘what for?’ for my pains. During the two weeks by the sea she had lost her modesty and ventured into the water ‘au naturel’ quite freely. Although our destination was Bangkokwe only planned to stay overnight and move on Northwards again. I hoped to catch up with a friend in town who was stationed there for one of the airlines. He had booked us in at a five-star hotel for the night and was going to provide dinner and entertainment that night. Suzy was more interested in picking up some small bottles of shampoo and small soaps from the hotel bathroom to stuff into our bags. I saved the day by calling the Duty Manager who sent a maid up with a trolley full of goodies that Suzy could pick through with out feeling guilty.

Jack Kent met us in a chauffer driven car and took us to his apartment where he was having an ‘al fresco’ party with invited friends.

“I’m so glad you two could make it. Heard on the grapevine that you were wending your way up here. I’ve invited a few friends and my girlfriend Chris is laying on the feast. Quite informal Suzy. How long are you in this Country Renton?”

“As long as it takes James. Want to explore the North and then move on to Laos.”

“Heard you were at Bugsies for a while, that’s why I contacted you. Sounds as if your travel arrangements are a bit bizarre?”

“Bug’s has a neat set up there. We have no time limit so we do what the locals do and see more than just the tourist trail.”

“You’ll love the North but I suggest that you get some transport. See more that way. Look RentonI have access to a Range Rover. It’s yours for as long as you want.”

“That’s generous of you James but we might want to take off and we don’t really want to back track.”

“Renton, the tank comes with a driver. You can dump it any time any where and it will come back. All you have to fund is the driver’s ‘per diem’ and that’s peanuts, the fuel is on the Company. Look, you were good to my little kid brother, whose a right wimp, so I owe you. When you punished him by making him fag for old Partridge, you saved him a life of misery with bullying. He passes on his regards by the way.”

“We’ll consider it James and let you know, won’t we Suzy?”

“By the way Renton, it’s ‘Jack’ around here. I’ll let you have Danny my driver here. He’s from up North and has taken lots of Company guys up there and off the beaten track.” Danny turned and smiled at us and carefully drove into a gated community that looked rather exclusive.

Chapter 21

We took up his offer and explored Northern Thailand for almost four weeks and it was sad to part with Danny, who looked after us so well. Our next destination was Laos but I got a message from Partridge that demanded we meet him in Hong Kong in ten days time so we hurried on to Hanoi and caught a flight to Hong Kong. We were met by a beaming Partridge with Amanda on this arm. We got a rapturous welcome with a huge bouquet of flowers for Suzy.

“No luggage Renton?”

“Can’t afford luggage where we travel, gets stolen,” I answered with a wink at Suzy who was being whisked off by Amanda to a waiting limo.

“You’re staying with us at a great apartment up on the Heights there, one of papa’s contacts. You’ll love the view at night from there. Glad to see you still in full health.”

“You too Partridge, you’re looking full of joure de vivre.”

“Talk to you later about that. Let’s get in the car and out of this heat.”

Later, in the luxurious apartment Amanda got me to one side. “Hey, Amanda you’re looking good. I’ve never seen you so radiant.”

“Thanks to you Renton. You introduced me to Richard. I call him Richard, more friendly sound than a Partridge in the sights of a twelve bore. My life’s changed because of you.”

“Hardly my doing Amanda.”

“Truly is Renton. Remember that chat or lecture you gave me? Well Richard said something significant to me on the first night at the Savoy. He said I should observe you and learn how you operate and handle people. So I did and it changed me. You were right then, my motto was shag them, rob them and dump them. I was an arrogant, haughty bitch, out for myself. Plenty like me. Out of the gutter of the East End, had a lucky break in modelling and I treated people with utter contempt and disdain. Your Yolanda proved the point. Us girls wondered why she had shacked up with you? You were a nobody then. Handsome and a fantastic shag but no money and little prospects in sight then. You changed Yolanda for a better person. She learned a lot from you.”

“You give me far too much credit Amanda.”

“It’s true though. Listen me out Renton, she became a nice person, handled everybody nicely and got on with her career instead of pissing people off as I did. She learned that from you and Richard seconded it when he told me to look and learn. I have been observing you closely for a while now. Even Yolanda thought I had designs on you. You expertly make people at ease and get them to like you so that in the end, they will do anything for you. I’ve watched you operate with a critical eye. Do you remember the flight back from Krakow when I sat next to you? I was hoping to pick your brain. Seriously, no joking! Unfortunately, I was so knackered I fell asleep all sprawled over you. Fortunately, Suzy did the same, otherwise Yolanda would have torn my eyes out.”

“Tell me about you and Partridge, sorry Richard.”

“I’ll come to that but I want to get this off my chest. Because of you and what I learned, I revaluated things and changed my life. I’ve given up on full time modelling and you probably noticed I look better with a few more pounds of flesh on me. I’ve enrolled at drama school and consolidated my network of contacts. You remember them all with your fantastic memory. I have to use a little black book. I’ve managed to get some bit parts and currently I’m auditioning for a part in a TV soap, to play a conniving bitch that’s shagging everybody’s husband. Well, I don’t need to act to play that. I’m a much nicer person to be with and now get invited to more do’s than I can manage. Now on the Richard front, I am progressing in leaps and bounds. You’ve seen my ring? Well, I’ve put the wedding off for a year, purposefully so that we can both progress slowly. He knows he can pull out anytime with no snags. I’m getting to like him more and more. I’ve changed him, brought him out of his shell and he’s good company now.”

“Do you think you will eventually marry?”

“It’s up to him Renton. I’m five years older than him. You two are babes in comparison to me. Rich babes maybe? Richard had an article on you in the Financial Times and the Economist. The articles featured Framwells but you got at least two paragraphs mention as a young superstar. All mentions of Lord, Lady and Sir Renton were blacked out by Richard. He told me why. That’s why it’s so surprising that both of you, hardly in your twenties, are multi millionaires.

“Hardly that Amanda.”

“Richard confirmed it so I believe. Where was I? Ah yes, I think I’m falling in love with Richard and would be devastated if he turned me down now but I’m more of a realist. Can you have a word with him and let me know how the land lies. I promise not to make a fuss whatever the outcome.”

“Well, that’s quite a heart opener Amanda. I think this is exactly why Partridge called me over. I’ll get it out of him, his true feelings and let you know but at this moment I think he wants to hang on to you and probably afraid that you might want to plough your own furrow.”

“Renton, in other circumstances I would hug and kiss you to death but your darling Suzy has her daggers drawn for me. Do you know, she is madly in love with you? I can tell, any woman could see that. Do treat her gently Renton. You’ve broken many hearts even by looking at us girls. Now shall we go and join them?”

After those revelations from Amanda, I waited for Partridge to come out with his own feelings. I was right. He was frightened to death that she would up and off. He confessed that apart from wealth, he was no catch but he was working on it and Amanda had changed him for the better. He admitted that he was prepared for her to be a gold digger, as her reputation showed in the past, but he thought she had abandoned that life. He was prepared to fork out millions if she married him and divorced after a few years. I made it clear that Amanda had great affection for him and was afraid that it was him, that it was Partridge that might give her the big ‘E.’ The meal that night was foreshortened as dear Richard dragged the protesting Amanda off to their bedroom. Suzy looked at me with that ‘I want a word with you Renton’ look and dragged me off soon after. She seemed pleasantly relieved by what I told her of the relationship between Amanda and Richard. I made no mention of the thing Amanda had said but noticed Suzy far more affection than usual that night, obviously triggered by the sight of Amanda and me in intimate conversation.

We had a lazy time in Hong Kong, not doing a great deal but chatting, constantly with Amanda centre stage, quite openly revealing what a bitch she had been and how wonderful it was to be totally involved in our company and not on the sidelines. She told us about her drama school and the dancing she was now doing. She mentioned that she had signed to be on various reality programmes and was waiting for the call. The most significant element was that she was now off any diet and enjoying her food, now that her main modelling career had finished and she was only doing adverts or promotional work, which didn’t require an anorexic figure. We decided to get some exercise and go down to the pool in the basement. We acquired some bathing costumes and Amanda sported her newly acquired shapely figure in her miniscule bikini. Suzy pointed to Amanda’s top and her own breasts, mimicking a strong Polish accent she said, ‘Big tits, No tits’ and the both burst out giggling uncontrollably. I had to explain the significance of this to Partridge. We found that Amanda was reluctant to get into the water. She ashamedly admitted that she couldn’t swim so I was appointed head coach and attempted to get her to have the courage to get her feet off the bottom. With arm bands, I got her to cross the width of the pool with a passable breaststroke. She admitted she didn’t enjoy the experience of swimming but she would persevere, on the other hand she enjoyed being manhandled by me which brought on more giggling.

“Renton, Suzy tells me that you had a fab time on a beach in Thailand.”

“That’s right, Bugs Blenkharn’s place. Richard knows him. We had a super time there didn’t we Suzy? Lots of water sports and relaxing evenings.”

“I don’t know about relaxing evenings. We danced all night and Renton led the party on with his silly games for the kids and playing his guitar for all of us to dance.”

“Sounds wonderful. Richard darling, do you think we could go there with Renton and Suzy before they return home. Gives me time to learn to swim.”

“I’m sure we could arrange it if Rentonand Suzy are game. But darling it’s a bit rough according to Renton. No mod cons.”

“Partridge, I call him Partridge when I’m sort of cross with him. I’m not a delicate feather you know. I was brought up in the rough end of East End, sleeping on the floor and we couldn’t afford hot water. I can rough it with the rest of them. How about it Renton? Another few weeks in paradise as Suzy called it.”

“I’d like to. How about you Suzy?”

“I’d go like a shot.”

“That settles it. You Rentonarrange and we’ll be there. Now let’s get back into that blasted pool so that you can teach me to swim. I’m not going if all I can do is decorate the beach. Now Renton, bugger the fairy wings. This woman is in the need of some manhandling.” With that she jumped in, into the deep end by mistake and came up spluttering and laughing as I grabbed her arm and pulled her to the side.

“Renton, you take Amanda into the pool and make her work. I’ll take Suzy to the bar to arrange things for tonight.” He linked arms with Suzy and gave Amanda a malicious wink.

Amanda worked hard and her general coordination of the catwalk practise helped. Also, she overcame her fear of the water by diving freely to retrieve her room keys off the bottom. Amanda and I had a sauna together to finish. She told me about Jadja amusing the girls with what I got up to. Even the ablutions weren’t sacred. Jadja told them that she hoped I got the courage up to sponge her front and was disappointed I hadn’t ventured that far. The big tits, no tits story apparently had Yolanda in stitches, at which point Amanda pointed to her exposed breasts, since we were alone and asked me if she should have a boob job for Richard. I assured her they were just fine and that Partinger was more into shapely bums than breasts.

“Hey what have you two been up to? Its hours since we left you.”

“It’s all right Richard darling. I was just in the sauna with Renton showing him my bum. Asked him if it needed lifting a little for my Richard. I hear your school locker was all pasted with page three bums darling.” Suzy gave me a strange look which I took to mean ‘I hope she was only joking.’

“While you two lovebirds were touching up each other, Suzy and I have arranged our entertainment for tonight, Karaoke.”

“What Richard means is that he has arranged for a piano to be brought up to our apartment and Rentonhere is going to play and sing his jazz numbers whilst we sip the champagne.”

“Hang on guys. I’m willing to play if you folks sing. Suzy, you have a good voice. I’ve heard it and Partridge was in the school choir I know. Amanda, you must do singing at drama school. I know what, I’ll print off some songs from the internet and you lot can sing. How’s about that?”

“Listen Renton, I heard you singing with Juliet. You’re not getting away with it so lightly.”

“OK, fine by me. Let’s all go out and get a snacky early dinner and be back here for playtime. Suzy, any suggestions?”

“Yes, why don’t we do the boats around the bay? Hire a motorboat and snack along the harbour from the boat vendors?”

“Ugh, doesn’t sound too hygienic to me Suzy.”

“Look Amanda, Rentonhas survived and as long as we eat what is cooked before us then there shouldn’t be a problem. Believe me.”

And that’s exactly what we did, sampling the various dishes as we chugged around the harbour, washed down by our own bottles of cold white wine. Amanda was a little nervous but soon got over her fears and enjoyed the experience of having the food, hot fried at the side of the boat. The musical evening was again a success, made by Amanda and Suzy who competed with each other in the singing. I just played and Partridge just danced with whichever girl was ‘sitting’ out on the singing. It was way past midnight before we retired and in a lightheaded way decided to go to Tokyo the next day. This was taking us off our planned route but Suzy said we could always backtrack with all the money we were going to make entertaining the Japs with our brand of karaoke. I noticed Amanda carefully collecting up the song sheets.

Chapter 22

Next morning it didn’t sound like a good idea but Partridge had already booked seats on a flight mid day and had organised transport and a hotel apartment at the other end. I racked my brain for a contact at JAL for an upgrade for four. Packing for us was easy. Suzy had shed most of her stuff and was travelling lighter than me.

“Where’s your luggage Suzy?”

“This is all we have, carry-ons. We’ve managed so far. We buy what we need as we go along or just do without.”

“Look Richard, we have three suitcases and I haven’t even opened one. What the hell Richard, arrange this stuff to be flown back home. We are flying light. Just a lippy in my handbag. You can buy me a ball gown in Tokyo if I should need one. Come on Rentonget us out of here.”

“Amanda darling, we can’t just leave our suitcases here.”

“Partridge, dump them over the balcony for all I care now. Nothing is irreplaceable apart from you Richard and our two good friends.” With that she pushed him out in the corridor and slammed the door behind him. Suzy and I just grinned.

Tokyo was a bit upmarket from what we were used to in the rest of Asia. Partridge had booked us in at a large suite of a City central hotel. It must have cost a fortune but as Amanda said we were worth it. As we were settling down a couple of staff brought in an electric piano with speakers. A second knock on the door and a guide introduced himself who was going to show us around Tokyo next day. Partridge had arranged this since none of us had been to Tokyo before. The two staff who had set up the piano and speakers asked the guide to check with us that all was OK with the set up. I sat down at the stool and tinkled the ivories and adjusted the speakers to a nice tone. The music machine had backing so I played around with that until I got to grips with the chords and thanked the men kindly with a tip and sent them on their way. Meanwhile Partridge had taken the guide out onto the balcony to discuss an itinerary for the four days in Tokyo. Meanwhile Amanda was checking out the bedrooms and the drinks cabinet. She suddenly rushed up to me and pleaded.

“Renton, please, please play this with the backing and let me sing to it.” So, it seemed churlish to turn the poor girl down and I played putting a bit of umph into it and she sang. “Again Renton, I want to get this bit right. I added a heavenly choir to back her and she sang. We then had to do more numbers with other rhythms and sounds. I didn’t mind, I quite enjoyed the fact I could have a backing and control it with a switch. So as Amanda and I kept switching to different backings to get the best effect. There was a buzz on the door. I stopped and opened the door and the Manager bowed and asked if everything was in order. I was about to apologise about the noise when he said he had come about that matter but I shouldn’t apologise. The matter was that other guests in the hotel, having heard the music and singing, wanted to know where we were performing. Before I could say a thing Amanda was there dragging the poor manager into the suite. “No, no Mr. Wang. We are just here for a rest and recuperation after an extensive World Tour. We are just trying some new material for our next season.”

“I’m sorry that you shall not be performing for a Japanese audience. It will be a great miss. Can I ask you to open the terrace door a little further so our guests can be your audience? I would very much appreciate it.” Before Amanda could answer I stepped in with.

“I’m not sure that a Japanese audience would appreciate our music but we would like to test that fact by maybe playing for you in your lounge say, tomorrow night.”

“I would be delighted. I will put some publicity notices up and may I invite you as my guests to dinner before your show.”

“That’s very kind of you. We could do with some publicity here. Maybe you could inform the newspapers that we are performing.”

“I will do that Sir. It will be my pleasure. And do you have a stage name?”

“We only play for private audiences, not for general paying public. That’s why few people know us but it would be nice to have some introductions in Japan. You understand my meaning Mr. Wang.”

“Precisely Sir.”

“We generally call ourselves ‘Two Ladies and a Piano.’ The lady before you is our star, Amanda Bolton, I’m just Rentonand our other lady is on the terrace at the moment, Susana Parks. Our manager is just talking to one of your city guides.”

“Splendid Mr. Renton, splendid, I won’t retain you from your practise any longer. Come and see me any time and I show you our stage setting. Thank you, Mr. Renton, thank you Amanda Bolton.”

“Renton, what the hell have you just done!” screamed Amanda.

“Amanda, you want to be in show business, here is your opportunity to wow the Japs with a private recital.”

“Just wait till I tell Sue-bloody-sana of what you’ve done. She’ll throw you off the balcony.”

“Now Amanda, calm down. We can have some fun here, performing our new arrangements to a brand-new audience who have never heard of us. Hey, you are in performing arts, you can hold your end up. It’s Susan that you will have to teach to swim. Just convince her that she can do it and Richard darling can act up as our manager and major critic. He can prance around, stop us, make us do it again and again just for show. The audience will love being involved in a rehearsal type show.”

“OK, you can convince me but you will have to tell Suzy.”

“Oh no, she thinks I take over too much, you better do it. Then we practise some of our favourite numbers that we did last night. Go get her in here. You can tell your Richard his role in bed tonight and tell him to ham it up, the directing I mean.” Suzy was quite rightly put out by the situation but Amanda convinced her it would be fun and that she needed some moral support since she was the one who pushed it. And since she was embarking on a new show biz career needed all the practise and experience she could get. Suzy, bless her soul, accepted the situation and tackled the matter in businesslike fashion, getting us to practise until we were inch perfect, way into the night.

“What are we going to dress in?” asked Amanda first thing at breakfast in our suite.

“I haven’t a thing decent with me,” answered Suzy.

“Girls, girls, girls don’t fret, I’m sure there is a service somewhere in Tokyo where we can hire costumes for Artistes such as ourselves.”

“Can we go straight away and get it over with. I will be on tenterhooks all day if we don’t.”

“Susana, Susana, I’ll have to call you that in future. Has a nice ring to it. Yes, we’ll get the guide to take us. I thought Amanda would be the one to raise that first.”

“No Renton, I’m just working on my poses and postures in my mind. Visualising how I should look to the audience.”

“Hey Renton I think they should wear Suzy Wong black dresses with a slit all the way up to you know where, to show off their long silky legs.”

“In your dreams Richard.”

“Hang on, Mr. Partinger our astute manager may have something there. If we dress Oriental style with a bit of provocation, that will go down well and cover up our other deficiencies. What do you think Suzy, will it go down well or will it upset the locals.”

“I think they will probably like it. You can wear a mandarin styled outfit Renton and Richard can be as he is but a bit scruffier and act as a mad professor as in the caricatures of Europeans in comics here.”

“Thanks Suzy. I don’t want to be a buffoon!”

“Suzy is right, you could just ham it up a bit Partridge, as you did in the school plays. Come on guys, eat up, the guide will be here soon and we’ve wasted one evening already.”

The guide was astute and allowed us to choose and discard any of his suggestions. Our first stop was a theatrical agency and we managed to fit Suzy out but I was too big and Amanda was too tall for what they had to offer. The manager concerned about losing business brought in a tailor and assistants who quickly managed to cut and pin up a dress for Amanda and a high collar outfit in black for me. Amanda was to wear black with red high heels and Susana, as we now called her, was in bright red with black high heels. I was in black with golden highlights. The girls also had frilly ostrich feathers to put in their hair and fluffy boas. It was fun especially when they found uplift bras, padded out that made them almost look ludicrous. The dresses had high necklines so it wasn’t too obvious. We at least amused the tailor and the three seamstresses who giggled politely all the time. The clothes were to be delivered to our hotel.

We did the tourist rounds and Amanda had read on the plane about a restaurant that cooked food in front of you at a bar. I took the guide aside and checked if he knew anywhere that did that. He responded, rather hurt, that this was a common place thing in Tokyoand it just depended on the price. I told him or rather ordered him to find the best place in Tokyoand take us for lunch. Amanda said it was near Rapongi which was the closest she could remember. After many phone calls and much gesticulation, he booked us in at a place but warned us it was very expensive and we should go easy or the bill would be astronomical. A taxi took us there, into a yard of a normal looking house. We rang the bell and a spy hole slid open demanding who we were. After what was at least ten minutes, the door opened and a flunkey ushered us in. It was a large room with a circular bar in the centre and people sitting around it. We nodded our greeting and were shown to comfortable high stools around the bar. Our guide, who we were impressed with so far, asked us a stupid question, ‘What did we want to eat?’ First time in a place where nobody spoke English, I expected something better.

“Do they have a menu here or a set meal, something like that?” I asked helpfully.

“The clients choose their own dishes. It’s very exclusive here. They cater for all tastes.”

“OK, tell the chef there that we are new to this kind of cuisine. I want him to impress us with what he thinks Europeans would like. Nothing outrageous but it must be tasty. Order the right drinks to go with the food. I’m sure that is the etiquette here.” After much discussion with what I assumed was the manager and two chefs, they came to an agreement and set to. With much entertainment and fancy juggling our food started hit the hot plate and quickly onto plates set before us. There were various finely sliced meats, fish and vegetables that were sliced at breakneck speed, grilled, deep fried and plated before us. The food was excellent and Amanda who was the most pernickety of us suddenly started to beam and point to prepared food for a second helping. I told our guide to complement the chef and that we were thoroughly enjoying the food. The other clients started to take notice and soon gathered round and ordered food for us that they thought we would like. Although we couldn’t understand Japanese, we clearly understood their good will and interest. I asked the guide to ensure these good people had drinks on us. He replied that he would convey the sentiments but they would politely refuse since it wasn’t the custom for guests to treat even though it was a restaurant.

I was offered a dish and saw Amanda in the kitchen area being shown how to prepare and grill meats without burning them. She put on an apron and was cooking like a born chef. The locals obviously thought this hilarious and would only have food that Amanda grilled for them. The place turned into a party and even the stuffiest of clients joined in. We all had a little too much to drink and I called the party to a halt on the excuse that we had another busy engagement that evening. The guide let slip that we were performing at our hotel and there was a sudden rush on mobiles to book tables. We asked for the bill expecting something enormous but as it turned out the other clients had insisting on contributing to our cost, so we had to go round and shake hands, kiss the ladies and generally look very pleased. Amanda and Suzy couldn’t get away from the clutches of some of the men and we had to laughingly drag them away. Partridge signed away a thousand pounds worth of readies on his company Amex card and we took a cab back to the hotel for a well-earned rest.

Dinner was fixed at eight and we would start our act at ten precisely. The Japanese apparently wanted things to be precise. The girls had ordered the beauty salon to have their hair and makeup done for seven and I went down to check on the layout of the room. It was set out very formally and I managed to persuade the manager to clear an area in the middle of the room for the piano and girls and suggested he used the stage to seat more guests. A posse of helpers rearranged the vast room until I though we had the right ambiance with the lights. I tried to make it look and feel like a European club. At least the audience would be disarmed and possibly less critical. We managed to fit up the electrics, speakers, and microphones so that there was a minimalist set for us in the centre. The manager was worried that we wouldn’t be on show, but I assured him that the guests would be sitting and the girls, standing, would be on full view. The atmosphere was to be more intimate that he was used to.

The girls came back from their beauty treatment looking very exotic, with their hair sticking out like huge bushes. When they put on their dresses and high heels they just looked fabulous. Amanda just loved the whole thing and strutted around making sure that everyone would get a good look at her long legs and red garter around the fishnet stockings. Susana was more demure but soon joined in the spirit of things and posed along side Amanda with great aplomb. They didn’t need to sing; just looking at them was a joy. The girls proudly showed of their ‘big tits’ as Jadja would have put it, all stuffed up with rubber jelly so they bounced as they moved. We all had to keep a straight face to avoid the girls’ makeup running and spoiling their fabulous looks. I put on my black costume and black shoes and felt strange and formal. The gold buttons and braid just didn’t seem right. The girls loved it and insisted on gelling my hair for me so that it stood out at various angles. Partridge was next for the beauty treatment which was simply making him look scruffy and unkempt. For the next ten minutes or so the girls walked up and down the room getting used to the extra high heels.

At two minutes to eight we caught the lift to the second floor and were met by the manager and some of his more important guests. They were obviously most impressed by our appearance as dinner was delayed for some photographs. We then had to process through the dining room towards the raised platform as the diners stood and applauded us. There were ten of us around the table and fortunately most could speak some English.

“Renton, help me out, it’s sushi, I don’t think I can cope.”

“Amanda, just do what I do. I’ll stick to the innocuous ones. If somebody serves you with something you don’t like the look of then just pick it up, lean over, show a bit of leg and put in my mouth, as if you were feeding me. And use your fingers if you’re not safe with chop sticks.”

“Thanks Renton, you’re a gem.” With great flourish, the waiters brought huge platters of sushi and set them in the middle of the table on a lazy suzy. A platter of different dips were set before us. The guests were offered first and Susana served herself first, choosing things that Amanda could stomach. Amanda followed and I picked out things that she would find dubious and had to feed me. Things went well until the Japanese guests started to insist that Amanda try different things that were outside her comfort zone. She expertly managed, with great aplomb to feed them to me, showing off more leg than was good for her. All went well until she started smothering things in the green hot sauce and it nearly blew my head off. All I got from her was a look of ‘I’m getting my own back on you,’ and a smirk.

Since the start to dinner was delayed by the photographs, the dinner was foreshortened and we excused ourselves on the pretext of getting ready. The girls had organised the salon to send someone up fix the girl’s makeup and hair, also to affix their wild ostrich feather in their hair. We waited in the wings of the stage as the manager announced us and at a prearranged signal the lights went down and a spot shone on our entry point. A hush came down on the audience to be replaced by rapturous applause as the girls led the way across the stage and down to the centre of the floor. Scruffy Partridge followed scratching his head and fiddling with his pants, oblivious to the noise around him, whilst the girls were waving and blowing kisses. I sat down at the piano and immediately before the applause abated, burst into a heavy rock number that we had rehearsed. It went down well with both Amanda and Susana giving their all. Our manager found no fault in the first number but decided that the second was below par and we had to do it again to great applause. The third number cause some problems and had to be repeated and so did the fourth and that had to be repeated the third time. By this time the guests had given up on any formality and started crowding around us in three rows, first row on chairs, second standing and the third standing precariously on tables drawn forward.

I noticed that many of the audience knew the songs and were singing along with the girls. To give them a break I asked the manager if anybody in the audience would like to sing with us, knowing the Japanese love of karaoke. We immediately had volunteers. I picked the most likely, gave him the mike and played the first line of the tune. He knew it and we started with the girls doing the backing and chorus. Well after that we couldn’t stem the floor of volunteers. We managed to spin out two hours of nonstop music with our repertoire of eight numbers interspaced by lots of karaoke from the public. The girls were wonderful by making a big thing of the volunteers, wrapping boas around them and making them out to be special. I was proud of them. Partridge, our bogus manager was outstanding at playing to the crowd and getting them all worked up. If one of singers was below par, he stopped the proceedings and got him to start again. The audience loved him and he was an act in his own right. To give all a rest, I would play a jazz number with the recorded backing and at least it brought the crowd to order. Midnight, we finished on our first rock number and the audience went wild and danced, sang and generally milled around. The light went out and a spotlight allowed us to escape amidst a flanking guard of staff. The general manager and his managers were ecstatic with praise and sent us up to our suite with bottles of champagne and eats. Amanda was besides herself with delight. It took a splash of cold water to calm her down. Susana was also elated, as was our manager by their act. The adrenalin of the show had certainly struck them. The girls threw off their high heels and proceeded to zip off their tops to disgorge the jelly in their bras to much amusement. Amanda couldn’t resist singing one more number, jigging around with her firm original breast jogging with the beat. Susana could only muster a handclap to the beat. We left the champagne untouched and I picked out some of the eats provided, wrapped them in a tissue and threw them down the garbage shoot to look as if we had enjoyed them. We slept till noon the following day, oblivious to the busy day on Tokyo streets below.

The girls were still on a high and would burst out into song or into their little dance routine. Partridge and I were feeling rather flat after all that excitement of the previous night. A discreet knock on the doors had the girls fly back into their bedrooms in their underwear including black fish nets as I opened and found our guide beaming there, wondering if we needed his services. I made an executive decision for us all on the spur of the moment, “Join us for lunch in the buffet bar in thirty minutes and I’ll rally the troops,” and he departed smiling. “Come on guys, out in thirty minutes, chop, chop. Last one ready buys the drinks.” Whilst the girls were putting the finishing touches to their hair I packed up our costumes into the boxes. “Hey girls do you want to keep these jelly things and bras?”

“What do you think Renton?” shouted Amanda. “I now know what burdens Jordan has to bear heaving her knockers about.”

“Are you keeping the fishnets and garters then?”

“Of course we are. We might give you two a private showing, wearing only those if you are good,” shouted Suzy with an outburst of giggles from the pair of them. I phoned down to the concierge to have the costumes collected, paid for and the cost to be added to the bill. The General Manager again met us at the lifts and ushered us into a private dining room. We protested that we wanted buffet but he insisted that we stay here because we would be pestered too much out there in the public. Our guide joined us and we sat around a large table with a lazy suzy in the middle. A posse of waiters brought a whole array of dishes to choose from and a range of drinks. Amanda was happy being able to see and choose exactly what she wanted. The manager came in with two large packets of photographs from the previous evening plus some news sheets, neatly folded to display the review of our concert. He translated one or two which described the event as the best karaoke party in town. He said he was very pleased and his Directors were also pleased and sent their best wishes. He asked if we could sign the photos in one pack for his important clients, then proceeded to sit next to Partridge, our manager, and book us for more events.

“Renton, help me out here.”

“Mr. Wang, I’m afraid that we only do small parties, not the size of last nights and we are solidly booked for the next two seasons. If a slot comes up, I will contact you.” He left very disappointed and hoped that we would be back in his hotel on our next visit. The girls were viewing the photos and laughing raucously at themselves in their stage getup. “OK Mr. Guide, what have you planned for us today?” and we discussed what he had on offer and what the girls wanted to do. Partridge and I left them to it and went to stretch our legs.

“Renton, I know we haven’t discussed business but I need to update you on some significant events.”

“What, have we gone bust?”

“Nothing like that, it’s just that we have expanded and Stasiek and Jadja have gone back to Poland.”

“That doesn’t make sense Partridge. How can we expand when half our team have buggered off?”

“It’s not like that Renton, hear me out first. Alice and Donald have joined Renton, Renton and Associates. Jadja was homesick and she and Stasiek have opened an office in Warsaw and a branch in Krakow.”

“So, we have lost them as I said.”

“No Renton, you don’t give me a chance to explain. Stasiek travels back regularly and we can get the architectural and design work done out there for half the price. Jadja is a leading design figure in Poland now.”

“Have we got enough work to support that?”

“With the coverage we got from the first basement conversion we are in great demand and expansion in UKis costly. Donald’s office now only does the site visits, takes clients particulars and some suggested outlines. The main drawings and ideas come from Jadja’s team in Krakow.”

“So, what and how do we charge for these services?”

“Alicehas come up with a series of scaled chargers. Some clients may just want outline plans and our ideas; others want the full caboodle with design and implementation to the final ash tray.”

“But as a client I would be very picky in what I wanted and wouldn’t that be time consuming?”

“Most of our rich clients are too busy to be bothered. They just want a place to look magnificent, straight out of a design magazine.”

“OK, how do we do all that? We need an army of people to source all the gear and builders to do their bit.”

“Let’s say Donald and Alicehave developed a particular style, a kind of a brand. They can source stuff from suppliers in multiples.”

“So, if somebody wants something different, bespoke then we turn them away?”

“More or less but we give them an opportunity to see our ideas first. If they ‘no like’ we put them to another agency that can handle them with fat introduction fees for us.”

“All this sounds expensive. Are you raising the cash?”

“Don’t need to. Clients pay us thirty per cent deposit and there’s sufficient in the kitty to be self funding.”

“Using client’s money seems dangerous.”

“Its cheap money and I can always raise capital on the market if we run short. Plenty of equity here.”

“How’s the hotel project going?”

“A few hold ups and design changes needed. We extended the underground car park to hold over fifty cars and took the decision to knock down number one to a shell.”

“So where are we with that?”

“Car park is complete and useable. Rental income. The structure up to roof level is done. Interior and fitting out should take another three months, then we hand over and collect a hefty cheque.”

“How hefty?”

“Twenty big ones as the last stage payment.”

“So, you’ve had some stage payments before?”

“Yeah, we spent that on buying up any apartment that came up for sale on the row and renting them out until we find a client that wants the Full Monty doing on them.”

“Are we making any money on this whole venture?”

“Trust me. On paper we are more than healthy. If we sold up now, all four of us wouldn’t have to work for the rest of our lives. In fact, just like you Renton now.”

“Wow, OK then, how’s my cash flow? Is it in the red?”

“God no, you don’t spend much Mr. Cheapskate. You get so many freebies that I haven’t had to top up your travel account yet.”

“OK, so we are in good health it seems. What do I need to worry about then?”

“Nought, as far as I can see. There’s some bother brewing up on your family front.”

“Don’t want to know. Let’s get back and see what the girls have decided to do.”

“You may want to know when they start dragging you through the mire. I’ll keep you informed whenever you need to intervene.”

“Has there been any talk about Suzy, since it must be common knowledge.”

“Plenty, of the ‘scheming bitch’ type but I’ve said that you needed a Chinese speaking guide so now its ‘lucky bitch’ instead. Hasn’t done her any harm, probably gained some brownie points over it. They miss you at Framwells. All missing target apart from you’re protégé Dalton.”

“Right girls, what are we up to today?”

“Frankly not a lot, Suzy would like to push off South tomorrow and I’d like to get back and get a singing teacher ASAP darling. I hope you don’t mind?”

“What ever you say Amanda, your wishes are my command.”

“Leave off Richard, if you want to stay on that’s fine but I feel jaded. The adrenalin has worn off. How do you feel Renton?”

“As Suzy, I’d like to push on and get out of civilisation and city again.”

“Right then, we have an agenda for this afternoon, dinner booked for tonight and a club so that we can dance the night away. Richard, no Renton, can you arrange some First-Class tickets, darling. I do hate cattle class these days. Suzy, don’t look at me like that. I can travel any class but when we have Renton here, why not enjoy a bit of luxury. I might even meet a billionaire; millionaires are so common these days. That doesn’t include you two. Don’t look so hurt, you know I don’t like sulks.”